Fall.
1/1
Jump.
The cold wind ruffled my hair briskly, causing shivers to run down my spine and goosebumps to form on my skin. The briny air irritated my eyes, causing small teardrops to escape from underneath the heavy lids to moisten them. I wasn't really crying. I couldn't anymore. I blinked feverishly, wanting my sight to remain clear as I gazed out, staring at the dark sea and powerful billows that seemed to be riding it. White foam and small water droplets were thrown into the air, the saltwater hitting my face to mingle with the tears that were running down my face.
Jump.
I trembled where I stood, letting the cold air find it's way in under my thin jacket that was definitely not fit for a day spent by the coast. I bit my lip and couldn't help but to chew slightly on the small metal hoop going through it, effectively keeping my teeth from chattering - from being cold and nervous. Thoughts were running through my head and I found myself wondering what I was doing, what had lead me to that final decision. I couldn't find an answer, not hearing anything but the annoying whispers in my head getting mixed with the roar from the ocean below me.
Jump!
I moved my hand, breaking the contact between my frozen limb and the steel-railing that kept me from the edge of the cliff. I heaved my too short body up and over the railing, with some difficulties as my body was stiff and the railing was high, almost going up to my chest. My legs were too short, my hair too long, my pale skin too tainted and my eyes too dull.
Jump. You're not perfect.
My breath got hitched in my throat as I stepped forward, being careful not to slip on the drenched rocks. Wouldn't it be wonderful if I slipped and just hit my head before I could even make it to the inviting edge that was just begging me to leap out from it? I involuntarily clenched my fists, refraining them from shaking too much as I stopped just an inch from where the ground underneath my feet would just disappear. The wind was tugging my body in every direction and it was as if I was going to be ripped apart, or at least pulled off of the open cliff I was standing on.
Jump. He doesn't love you.
The voice that whispered in my head was right. I wasn't perfect, he would never love me, he had never even looked twice at me, being blissfully unaware of my deep feelings for him. Gerard was divine, much too perfect to get mixed up with me, too perfect to even think about me in any way of the kind I wanted him to. He didn't crave my touch like I did his, never forgetting how magical it must be to run my fingers over his flawless skin. He didn't crave me.
Jump! He doesn't fucking want you!
It was true. I should step over the ledge and end my pathetic excuse of a life. I was pathetic and unlovable, it was no wonder why he didn't want me. This end was inevitable, I thought as I yet again just gazed out over the dark sea, the murderous billows slamming against the rocks. I could just feel it in me that it had always been my destiny to do this. I knew, and the voice in my head told me, that it was my duty to do this.
Jump!
I had to jump.
Fall.
The cold wind ruffled my hair briskly, causing shivers to run down my spine and goosebumps to form on my skin. The briny air irritated my eyes, causing small teardrops to escape from underneath the heavy lids to moisten them. I wasn't really crying. I couldn't anymore. I blinked feverishly, wanting my sight to remain clear as I gazed out, staring at the dark sea and powerful billows that seemed to be riding it. White foam and small water droplets were thrown into the air, the saltwater hitting my face to mingle with the tears that were running down my face.
Jump.
I trembled where I stood, letting the cold air find it's way in under my thin jacket that was definitely not fit for a day spent by the coast. I bit my lip and couldn't help but to chew slightly on the small metal hoop going through it, effectively keeping my teeth from chattering - from being cold and nervous. Thoughts were running through my head and I found myself wondering what I was doing, what had lead me to that final decision. I couldn't find an answer, not hearing anything but the annoying whispers in my head getting mixed with the roar from the ocean below me.
Jump!
I moved my hand, breaking the contact between my frozen limb and the steel-railing that kept me from the edge of the cliff. I heaved my too short body up and over the railing, with some difficulties as my body was stiff and the railing was high, almost going up to my chest. My legs were too short, my hair too long, my pale skin too tainted and my eyes too dull.
Jump. You're not perfect.
My breath got hitched in my throat as I stepped forward, being careful not to slip on the drenched rocks. Wouldn't it be wonderful if I slipped and just hit my head before I could even make it to the inviting edge that was just begging me to leap out from it? I involuntarily clenched my fists, refraining them from shaking too much as I stopped just an inch from where the ground underneath my feet would just disappear. The wind was tugging my body in every direction and it was as if I was going to be ripped apart, or at least pulled off of the open cliff I was standing on.
Jump. He doesn't love you.
The voice that whispered in my head was right. I wasn't perfect, he would never love me, he had never even looked twice at me, being blissfully unaware of my deep feelings for him. Gerard was divine, much too perfect to get mixed up with me, too perfect to even think about me in any way of the kind I wanted him to. He didn't crave my touch like I did his, never forgetting how magical it must be to run my fingers over his flawless skin. He didn't crave me.
Jump! He doesn't fucking want you!
It was true. I should step over the ledge and end my pathetic excuse of a life. I was pathetic and unlovable, it was no wonder why he didn't want me. This end was inevitable, I thought as I yet again just gazed out over the dark sea, the murderous billows slamming against the rocks. I could just feel it in me that it had always been my destiny to do this. I knew, and the voice in my head told me, that it was my duty to do this.
Jump!
I had to jump.
Fall.
♠ ♠ ♠
600 words, as requested.Thanks to Bonnie and Lizzy for beta-reading, and jump. for letting me use her name.
Con-crit is appreciated.
xoxx. Erika