Excuse The Obscene

Toni's P.O.V.

I've had a lot of fucked up days but this one blows the rest out of the water.

I sat in silence and watched Drew's sleeping form. 'Not that bad', Jimmy had said. Not that bad my ass. Drew had been out cold for almost an hour now but Caine said he would be fine.

A while ago I heard a slight commotion down the hall that had let me know that Zacky was back. The noise passed and I assumed everyone had gone their separate ways. I knew there was no way in hell that Zacky would just leave me unchecked like this so someone was bound to show up soon to watch me. I heard the door open behind me but I didn't turn around.

"Don't worry, I'm not going anywhere with Drew laying here like this." I said, not bothering to see who was checking up on me.

"Fuck, if I care." Someone said from behind me.

I stood up and turned around to see Johnny standing there with a pillow and one blanket in hand.

"Here." Johnny dropped the pillow and blanket on the floor in front of him. "Make yourself comfortable."

He spun around and turned to leave but stopped when he heard me speak.

"Ass."

"Excuse me?" He asked turning back around and glaring at me.

Earlier, after pointing his gun at me but failing to actually fire, Johnny had dragged me up to Zacky's room, taken my weapons and shut the door without saying a word to me. He'd been rougher than necessary and I had to reason with myself to keep from kicking his ass. Everything that had gone on tonight had left me with very little patience to deal with Johnny's inexplicable attitude.

"You kidnap my partner, beat the living shit out of him, lure me across the fucking nation and you're the one with a fucking attitude problem! If anyone should be pissed the fuck off it should be me." I seethed, satisfied that I could finally let some steam off.

"Of course. Because it's always fucking about you." Johnny, with his hand still on the door knob, growled.

"What the fuck is your problem?" I asked, my voice coming out softer than I had intended.

Of all the people to act this way, I hadn't expected it to be Johnny. Jimmy, Matt, or most likely Brian but not Johnny. There was a time when we'd been best friends; closer than most people could imagine. Coming back, I knew better than to expect a warm welcome from him but I sure as hell hadn't expected to be hated by him.

"My problem?" Johnny asked, giving a short humorless laugh.

He stared at me, gave that same humorless laugh and then turned. He had the door open but before he could leave, I was speaking again.

"After everything that's happened, you can at least give me an answer. You owe me that much."

"I OWE YOU NOTHING!" Johnny shouted just as he turned to face me again.

The intensity in his eyes made me take a small step back. He'd gone from controllable anger to fierce rage faster than my brain could acknowledge. My body on the other hand noted the danger and took another small step away from him. I'd never seen Johnny this angry.

"You walked out. You left without so much as a goodbye. Not a phone call. Not a single text. No e-mails. Two fucking years Toni of absolutely no contact whatsoever. You could have died and I wouldn't have known. I don't owe you shit." Johnny's voice was harsher than I'd ever heard it and he continued to walk closer to me, hands balled into fists.

My mind was finally working again and I quickly processed everything he was saying. He was upset because I'd left to save my fucking life. He had no right.

"You have got to be shitting me." I spoke, stepping forward again. "You expect me to feel bad for staying the fuck away from this shit? He tried to fucking kill me, Johnny! What the hell did you think I would do? Wait around for-"

"You should have waited for me to figure out a plan!" Johnny cut me off, shouting again. "You got up and took off without any warning. You could have-"

"Without a warning? A fucking warning?! Of course, next time I kneel down and have a gun pressed to my temple I'll try to remember to let you know before I get the fuck away."

"Don't fucking pretend like there wasn't a way. You had a shitload of chances and plenty of ways to get in contact with me or Val. We would have helped you. We would have-"

"Would have what, Johnny? Chosen me over Zacky? Don't fucking pretend like you would have taken my side. He's your boss and one of your best friends-"

"You were one of my best friends." Johnny cut me off again.

"Really? So why the fuck did I come home that night to find Zacky ready to kill me? Where were you then to help me? Where the fuck were you when Zacky was getting ready to put a bullet in my head? You turned your back on me just as quickly as the rest of them had. You believed that I would actually be some fucking traitor. You've got the balls to be pissed at me but where the fuck were you when I actually needed you?!" I had asked myself that so many times in the first few weeks after that night.

"I was trying to find a fucking way to figure it all out!"

"You were trying to find a way." I laughed. "You would have come back to help clean my blood of the floor without asking any questions. You would have dumped my body without blinking if he told you to."

"Don't pin all this shit on me, Toni! You would have done the same fucking thing if evidence had shown up pointing to me as the leak."

"I would have stopped him! I wouldn't have been so quick to turn my back on you!" I shouted.

"You say that shit but you know it isn't true. Look at what we do for a living. Traitors die no questions asked, it's part of the job. But you left. You had the chance to call me and let me know the truth. You had the chance to get in contact with me, your supposed best friend, and let me know where you were and what you were up to." Johnny spoke.

"Contact you?! So you could what? Tell Zacky where I was and he could come finish the job?"

"I wouldn't have done that shit and you should have known that! You should have trusted me!"

"Trusted you! After that night, trust doesn't fucking exist." After all this time, everything about that night, everything I had buried deep in my mind, was creeping back up on me.

We both stood there for a moment, glaring at each other. Before I could say anything else Johnny had spun on his heels and left the room, slamming the door behind him.

I looked around the room for something to throw. Anything to get rid of the anger building up inside of me. I couldn't find a single thing so instead I spun and slammed my fist into the wall. It felt good to hit something despite the pain. I kicked the wall and bashed it again and again. I don't know how long I stood there, attacking the wall before sinking to the floor and holding my now bloody fist in my other hand.

Johnny had cracked the wall I had built around the memories but it wasn't broken. I could push them back. Put them back in the tiny corner of my mind. And I did.

I'm Toni fucking Foster. I'm stronger than this mess. I wasn't going to let Johnny, or any of these fuckers for that matter, break me. And I sure as fuck wasn't going to let me break me. I stood up and jumped up and down a couple of times. I just had to shake it all off.

I looked over at Dew who had managed to sleep through the entire fight and almost laughed a little. It was clear that I wasn't going anywhere tonight and now that I was slightly confident that Zacky didn't want me dead (if he did he would have done it already) I could sleep a little. I looked over at the pillow and blanket Johnny had thrown on the floor for me and back at the bed Drew was laying in.

It was big enough for both of us and there was no fucking way I was spending the night on the floor so I slipped into the bed beside him and got comfortable.
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I woke up the next morning to the sound of the door creeping open. The door wasn't particularly loud but over the past few years I'd become a very light sleeper. Staying alert always paid off. Especially when I found myself in a fucked up situation like this one.

I stayed perfectly still as whoever it was came into the room. The footsteps were far to light to be any of the guys which only left one other person. I sat up quickly and Val jumped just a little but stayed entirely composed.

We stared at each other for a moment while I prepared myself for this fresh hell. Johnny had been pissed as fuck and I expected Val to feel the same way. Couldn't they have attacked me at the same time and spare me the fucking trouble.

I blinked once and Val was throwing herself at me. My first instinct was to fight back but I realized she wasn't trying to hurt me. She'd landed on top of me and was hugging me in a very awkward position. I found myself hugging her back without really thinking about it. It was nice to not have someone trying to kick my ass since I first showed up back here.

"Not that I don't want to be the third in your ménage à trois but would the two of you mind not rolling around on my already bruised body." Drew spoke and my head turned quickly to look at him.

Thank God he was finally up. Now we could hopefully get the fuck out of here.

"Who the fuck are you?" Val asked, sitting up so she was now straddling my waist and looking down at Drew with obvious distaste.

"Don't answer that, I don't really care." Val said turning away from Drew and looking back down at me.

"You little bitch!" She shouted down at me.

"Whore." I replied easily.

"Two fucking years and you couldn't pick up a phone." Val said with a smirk. Same argument as Johnny, entirely different attitude.

It was oddly refreshing to know that I still had a friend in Val after all this time and everything that had happened.

"Oh get off of me." I gave a slight shove and Val jumped off of me laughing.

"Seriously though, we need to talk." Val stopped laughing and looked at Drew and then back at me.

"Blondie, if this is a hint for me to leave you might want to take note of the fact that I can hardly move."

"Jimmy was right. He is a little bitch." Val was talking to me but looking at Drew.

"Look Val can you just give us a minute. A lot has happened and-"

"Yeah, whatever. You made me wait two years so why not another fifteen minutes?" Val said while walking backwards towards the door. "By the way, you might not want to be in the bed with him when Zacky comes to check on you."

I flipped her off and she just blew me a kiss before leaving the room.

I turned and looked at Drew.

"I can't believe you got us into this shit." He said, looking down at his bruised body.

"If you're expecting another fucking apology get over it. You're still alive aren't you?"

"So I'm supposed to be grateful that your psychotic yet powerful ex-boyfriend hasn't killed me?"

"Get the fuck over it so we can figure out a way to get out of here." I said. Hopefully he wasn't so messed up that he couldn't walk on his own.

"I don't know how you intend to get out of here but I plan on using the front door." He smirked at me and I shot him a confused look.

"And how are you going to pull that shit off?"

"I'm not going to do shit. You're going to give Zacky whatever the fuck it is he wanted and then we're getting on a plane out of this fucking state, going home, and in a few days pretending like this shit never happened." Drew said, sitting up in the bed.

I thought about what Drew said and laughed a little to myself. There was no chance in hell that it would be that easy. But he had a good point. Zacky clearly wanted something but I didn't know what it was. When I'd shown up here, guns cocked and ready, I assumed Zacky was only using Drew to kill me. But if he had wanted to kill me he would have done it already. That left me clueless about what he wanted.

"No walking out won't work." I followed Drew and stood up from the bed. "I don't know what Zacky wants but we have to get the hell out of here before he comes looking for whatever it is."

"You aren't going anywhere." The door swung open surprising Drew and I.

I'd been so caught up in thinking that I hadn't heard the footsteps getting closer and now Zacky stood in the doorway, arms crossed and legs parted.

"What the fuck do you want?" I asked, having long since gotten over Zacky's intimidating stance.

Zacky just smirked and walked slowly into the room, his eyes never leaving mine.

"What do I want?" He paused in front of me, his smirk still in place. "You."