And She Was Strong.
14
Lily took off her coat and hung it on the back of the door, holding her breath before closing the door quietly and tiptoeing up the steps of the two-story house she and Jeremy had been living in since they decided to get serious. But things were more serious now, a different kind of serious where all Lily knew how to do was keep her mouth shut and hope to God she would wake up in the morning and it would all be a dream.
All that she wanted was for Jeremy to love her the way he used to love her, the way they both used to love one another. There used to be times when they'd just lay there, where Lily would curl up beside Jeremy and he'd hold her and they'd soak up the afternoon sun, just waking up after being up all night watching the stars. Things weren't always as bad as they were when Jeremy started the pushing. Things, once, were beautiful; Lily liked to remember them, and it was in the memories of Jeremy that she could remind herself that, once, the beautiful things were a constant, and there was never any pushing, and there was only love and holding.
Matthew had been calling all day. Lily hadn't returned any of his calls because she was too afraid that, if she did, she would turn back on what she had set out to do that night while Jeremy lay sleeping in his bed, in their bed.
He hadn't waited for her that night. He'd made a TV dinner, which was still a mess on the kitchen countertop. Long, deep snores left his mouth as he layed in the middle of the bed, one leg outstretched onto Lily's side and he held her pillow underneath his arm.
She couldn't breathe as she entered the room, her eyes wide and alert, ready to crouch down at any moment in case Jeremy woke up while she was gathering her things.
Lily had been working on the plan all day in her head, and as the night drew on and midnight drew nearer, the thought of leaving work, returning home and gathering her things made her nerves tight. As she prepared coffee, her hands shook.
The bedroom was so quiet.
Knowing that she couldn't take everything, she took the necessities - other clothes she might need could be bought later, and things like shampoo, toothbrushes, and hairbrushes didn't really phase her. She could buy it all later. Just a few things she needed, like clothes to get her through the next week, were packed. She held in her hands a large bag that she could drape over her arm and carry out of the house quietly, instead of rolling it out of the room like she would have had to do if she'd taken the suitcase.
Lily's hands moved fast. She took shirts and jeans off hangers in the closet and opened drawers silently. She tried her hardest to make as little noise as possible so that she could leave and be gone from that awful house forever.
As she packed the last shirt into her bag and pulled it over her shoulder, she started toward the door. Relief washed over her, knowing that she had successfully gotten out. All that was left was the bedroom door.
And, in one quick snap, Jeremy stirred.
Lily bit her lip and didn't make one sound. She didn't move, she didn't breathe, she didn't look anywhere but at the door. She couldn't even think, she was that quiet - in case he heard her thoughts.
The whites of his eyes flashed in the darkness.
They met Lily and, suddenly, he sat upright.
"Hey, Lily," he said. His voice was groggy and he coughed into a fist.
She couldn't see straight. She was so nervous and terrified and worried he would see her holding the bag on her arm, full of clean clothes. She didn't know what do do at all. Her feet were like feathers and she felt like floating.
"Um," she said.
"What're you..." Jeremy trailed off.
But before he could finish, Lily took off running down the hall.
She had to get out of there.
All that she wanted was for Jeremy to love her the way he used to love her, the way they both used to love one another. There used to be times when they'd just lay there, where Lily would curl up beside Jeremy and he'd hold her and they'd soak up the afternoon sun, just waking up after being up all night watching the stars. Things weren't always as bad as they were when Jeremy started the pushing. Things, once, were beautiful; Lily liked to remember them, and it was in the memories of Jeremy that she could remind herself that, once, the beautiful things were a constant, and there was never any pushing, and there was only love and holding.
Matthew had been calling all day. Lily hadn't returned any of his calls because she was too afraid that, if she did, she would turn back on what she had set out to do that night while Jeremy lay sleeping in his bed, in their bed.
He hadn't waited for her that night. He'd made a TV dinner, which was still a mess on the kitchen countertop. Long, deep snores left his mouth as he layed in the middle of the bed, one leg outstretched onto Lily's side and he held her pillow underneath his arm.
She couldn't breathe as she entered the room, her eyes wide and alert, ready to crouch down at any moment in case Jeremy woke up while she was gathering her things.
Lily had been working on the plan all day in her head, and as the night drew on and midnight drew nearer, the thought of leaving work, returning home and gathering her things made her nerves tight. As she prepared coffee, her hands shook.
The bedroom was so quiet.
Knowing that she couldn't take everything, she took the necessities - other clothes she might need could be bought later, and things like shampoo, toothbrushes, and hairbrushes didn't really phase her. She could buy it all later. Just a few things she needed, like clothes to get her through the next week, were packed. She held in her hands a large bag that she could drape over her arm and carry out of the house quietly, instead of rolling it out of the room like she would have had to do if she'd taken the suitcase.
Lily's hands moved fast. She took shirts and jeans off hangers in the closet and opened drawers silently. She tried her hardest to make as little noise as possible so that she could leave and be gone from that awful house forever.
As she packed the last shirt into her bag and pulled it over her shoulder, she started toward the door. Relief washed over her, knowing that she had successfully gotten out. All that was left was the bedroom door.
And, in one quick snap, Jeremy stirred.
Lily bit her lip and didn't make one sound. She didn't move, she didn't breathe, she didn't look anywhere but at the door. She couldn't even think, she was that quiet - in case he heard her thoughts.
The whites of his eyes flashed in the darkness.
They met Lily and, suddenly, he sat upright.
"Hey, Lily," he said. His voice was groggy and he coughed into a fist.
She couldn't see straight. She was so nervous and terrified and worried he would see her holding the bag on her arm, full of clean clothes. She didn't know what do do at all. Her feet were like feathers and she felt like floating.
"Um," she said.
"What're you..." Jeremy trailed off.
But before he could finish, Lily took off running down the hall.
She had to get out of there.
♠ ♠ ♠
okay. haven't updated this in nearly a year as well, but since i had nothing better to do today while i'm babysitting, i decided i would update this. i don't know why. it was just a spur of the moment thing. i just want to finish this. someday i swear i will. i promise.it's just taking a little longer than i first anticipated. :)
anyway, i know that a lot of you who are still subscribed probably don't even remember this, but if you do, just please comment and let me know what you think, if i should even continue it. i mean i'd like to finish it but if nobody plans on reading it i might as well just take it down. :( just let me know, okay? thank you everyone.
sorry about how long this update has taken. and for how much it sucks. because i know it does.