And She Was Strong.
16
The car engine revved and she drove past street lights that illuminated the inside of the car for these fleeting moments before darkness ensued once again. She could still remember the way to his house, even after all this time she had missed him.
She remembered the morning she laid in bed with Matt and wanted to kiss him so bad her knees hurt. And the times she talked to him while he was on the road, knowing he was lonely and having random fucks with random girls to try and get him through the week - she wasn’t stupid, and she definitely wasn’t blind.
She remembered how Jeremy had taken her the very first time and, after he’d finished, she tried to convince herself she had wanted it, that she enjoyed it. And she remembered how he’d found out about her spending the night with Matthew and he’d put her through hell. She remembered all of the tears she shed and all of the pain she’d felt throughout the few years she’d lived with Jeremy. He was such a different man behind closed doors.
So when she arrived at Matthew’s house, her mind was tripping over every word anyone had ever said and she was feeling as pitiful as a cloud. And she knocked on his front door and rang his doorbell twice when nobody came. And she prayed to God that he was home, because she didn’t know anyplace else to go.
The street was silent, and in the few moments before Matthew opened up the front door, she doubted whether or not he’d be there this time. And she started to cry in loud, chest-raking sobs that echoed down the empty street.
And suddenly, Matt was there, standing right in front of her as she cried so hard she shook.
“Lily,” he sputtered.
She couldn’t speak. And for the first time, she wasn’t crying because of what he had done - she cried in fear of not being with Matt when she needed him. And as soon as she saw him, she’d been crying too hard to stop, so she just walked forward and buried her face in his chest and let her mascara tears stain his clean white shirt.
“Oh, baby,” he said, wrapping his arms around her and holding her tight. He had been asleep when she got there, but he was wide awake now. She coughed and sniffed and wrapped her skinny arms around his wide torso.
Matt shut the door behind them and, after a few minutes of just standing there, he picked Lily up and carried her up the steps in his arms. She felt like nothing, just skin and bones of what she had once been. It was as though his arms were empty. She kept her head in his chest and her arms went around his neck. The hold was automatic.
He walked into his bedroom and laid her down in his bed, and before he could stop himself, he laid a trail of kisses from her head all the way down her neck. He whispered quiet, sweet nothings into her ear and told her that everything was going to be alright. He promised it. Matt still didn’t know what was wrong with her and yet he couldn’t just leave her in his bed crying.
His fingers grazed her chin and he felt a ragged seam of skin.
“Baby,” he murmured, bringing his fingers up to meet his eyes, “what happened to you?”
And that is the question he had been asking himself all along. He got up from his place on the bed and rushed to the bathroom, grabbing a few band-aids because that was all that he had, and took them to the bed. She watched him through her wet eyes as he strapped six along her chin and she just kept crying after he cleaned up the few drips of excess crimson that landed along her neck.
He kissed her forehead and held her close to his chest. He was dumbfounded, to put it simply. He was in the dark, trapped and not knowing anything that was going on anymore. Matthew didn’t know what had happened to Lily and he didn’t like it - in fact, it infuriated him. He held onto her tighter and rested his head on her shoulder as she just kept crying into his chest.
“What’s wrong, baby? Just tell me what happened, I’ll help you.” He just kept repeating these same words, stringing together lines that were a feeble attempt to persuade her into telling him what had happened to her. She just clutched onto him to be sure he was real, that he was really there with her, holding her.
“Matt,” she choked.
He released her and cupped her face in his hands. And he looked as though he was in so much pain right at that moment because he was confused and enraged, and didn’t know what to do to help her.
She just smiled and spoke the first honest words to Matt that she had since they’d started keeping each other out of their lives. She said the words profoundly and with her heard filled all up to the top.
“I love you.”
And she had never been more sure of anything in her entire life.
She remembered the morning she laid in bed with Matt and wanted to kiss him so bad her knees hurt. And the times she talked to him while he was on the road, knowing he was lonely and having random fucks with random girls to try and get him through the week - she wasn’t stupid, and she definitely wasn’t blind.
She remembered how Jeremy had taken her the very first time and, after he’d finished, she tried to convince herself she had wanted it, that she enjoyed it. And she remembered how he’d found out about her spending the night with Matthew and he’d put her through hell. She remembered all of the tears she shed and all of the pain she’d felt throughout the few years she’d lived with Jeremy. He was such a different man behind closed doors.
So when she arrived at Matthew’s house, her mind was tripping over every word anyone had ever said and she was feeling as pitiful as a cloud. And she knocked on his front door and rang his doorbell twice when nobody came. And she prayed to God that he was home, because she didn’t know anyplace else to go.
The street was silent, and in the few moments before Matthew opened up the front door, she doubted whether or not he’d be there this time. And she started to cry in loud, chest-raking sobs that echoed down the empty street.
And suddenly, Matt was there, standing right in front of her as she cried so hard she shook.
“Lily,” he sputtered.
She couldn’t speak. And for the first time, she wasn’t crying because of what he had done - she cried in fear of not being with Matt when she needed him. And as soon as she saw him, she’d been crying too hard to stop, so she just walked forward and buried her face in his chest and let her mascara tears stain his clean white shirt.
“Oh, baby,” he said, wrapping his arms around her and holding her tight. He had been asleep when she got there, but he was wide awake now. She coughed and sniffed and wrapped her skinny arms around his wide torso.
Matt shut the door behind them and, after a few minutes of just standing there, he picked Lily up and carried her up the steps in his arms. She felt like nothing, just skin and bones of what she had once been. It was as though his arms were empty. She kept her head in his chest and her arms went around his neck. The hold was automatic.
He walked into his bedroom and laid her down in his bed, and before he could stop himself, he laid a trail of kisses from her head all the way down her neck. He whispered quiet, sweet nothings into her ear and told her that everything was going to be alright. He promised it. Matt still didn’t know what was wrong with her and yet he couldn’t just leave her in his bed crying.
His fingers grazed her chin and he felt a ragged seam of skin.
“Baby,” he murmured, bringing his fingers up to meet his eyes, “what happened to you?”
And that is the question he had been asking himself all along. He got up from his place on the bed and rushed to the bathroom, grabbing a few band-aids because that was all that he had, and took them to the bed. She watched him through her wet eyes as he strapped six along her chin and she just kept crying after he cleaned up the few drips of excess crimson that landed along her neck.
He kissed her forehead and held her close to his chest. He was dumbfounded, to put it simply. He was in the dark, trapped and not knowing anything that was going on anymore. Matthew didn’t know what had happened to Lily and he didn’t like it - in fact, it infuriated him. He held onto her tighter and rested his head on her shoulder as she just kept crying into his chest.
“What’s wrong, baby? Just tell me what happened, I’ll help you.” He just kept repeating these same words, stringing together lines that were a feeble attempt to persuade her into telling him what had happened to her. She just clutched onto him to be sure he was real, that he was really there with her, holding her.
“Matt,” she choked.
He released her and cupped her face in his hands. And he looked as though he was in so much pain right at that moment because he was confused and enraged, and didn’t know what to do to help her.
She just smiled and spoke the first honest words to Matt that she had since they’d started keeping each other out of their lives. She said the words profoundly and with her heard filled all up to the top.
“I love you.”
And she had never been more sure of anything in her entire life.
♠ ♠ ♠
this chapter i have been waiting to write for over a year. wow. it didn't turn out how i expected it to but i think i like it better than i would have if i'd written it a long time ago.if you're still reading this story, tell me what you think of this so far. there's probably only like two chapters left. :')