'Cause Maybe I'm A Ghost
So Tell Me, Is It The Beggining Or The End?
The rain was falling hard and fast, soaking everything it would touch, making it cold and empty – it seemed that somehow, magically, it matched my dead freezing heart. And if I was a believer in that crap of heaven and hell, I would be damn sure that someone up there was very, very angry.
I noticed the street was nearly deserted, except from an almost anorectic-thin looking woman who was walking in big-pumped heels at a fast pace, trying to cover herself from the haunting rain with her two bare hands over her head. I honestly couldn’t see the point in doing this, I was sure the rain would catch up with her, one way or another.
By mistake I “waltzed” into what looked one of the busiest avenues I’d seen in my whole life and I got gradually frustrated as nothing about it was familiar. Not that I was really trying to look for something, though an idea where I was would be nice. I tried to ask a few people but all of them shrug me away, obviously more preoccupied with their own personal problems. “Oh, why did my boyfriend leave me?”, “If my car hadn’t broke down I wouldn’t have to go through this”, “Maybe I’m not a good teacher, all my students seem to be failing” . Pshhht. Why bother with a desperate tiny-winy teenage boy asking for direction? Not important. Invisible.
By now, my emotional problems weren’t in my head anymore, and as I got more and more damp the only thing in my mind was to look for a place where I could rest until the storm would die. Not more than a couple meters away, a sign catched my eye “The White Mountain Café”, not bad, it sure as hell couldn’t be worse than wandering in the streets wearing nothing more than a blue hoodie, skinny jeans and a brand-new broken pride.
The coffee shop was invitingly small and warm, just like the ones in the movies where nice old ladies work making the most delicious treats. It was decorated with round wooden tables and chairs, rather artistic pictures of a few different landscapes hanging on the crimson red walls and a dim light enlightening the store. In a farther way corner a bunch of bean bags were carefully placed near a stone fireplace, the orange-reddish flames coming out of it made the place even cozier and I decided to sit there, not only to relax but to be able to have some heat reaching my cold body.
A rather young looking kid with face full of dimples and a not very appealing green apron on approached me with a big white shiny smile. -Hey, someone bring the sunglasses! Just joking. He asked me what I wanted to have and recommended the hot chocolate, I didn’t have much money with me but I guess it would be enough for a drink. I watched him walk away with my order and the same expression of happiness as when he had greeted me, carelessly whistling some tune to himself. I missed those times where I was still able to look forward for something in life. Now, I just wanted to have anything, anything that didn’t remind me of what had happened months ago, anything that would take my blame, shame and guilt away and make those feelings disappear forever. And that’s when the realization hit me painfully across the face – nothing would ever be the same.
*Flashback*
“Hey kid! Come back here!” I heard a deep voice shouting, I knew it was directed to me and I didn’t really know why, but when people addressed to you like that it could never be a good thing. Before the man’s intervention I was already fearful, I didn’t like what I was doing but it was probably the only way of avoiding my end. ‘Cause you see, when high school started I began being bullied and shit like that, I didn’t give much importance to it as there were lots of kids who were treated like that, a couple of times a week I would be shoved against the lockers and be called rude names such as “faggot” or “cunt” , but that was it. Until three or four weeks ago, when someone decided I was their favorite play toy and from that moment everything got worse; I wasn’t only shoved onto the lockers or called stuff that no one would want to be called, now they would take every chance they could to humiliate me and once in a while they would beat the crap how of me and simply leave me bruised and bleeding wherever I was at the moment. Now tell if you wouldn’t be scared? The jocks knew I was, and with that we made what you could call a trade, even though it was more for my sake than theirs; I had accepted doing this unthinkable small thing and they would stop making my life a living hell. Though now I could see why they didn’t want to do it, even the very big muscled football players were scared of the dark streets of LA, so they asked someone like me to do it. -As if I wouldn’t die if someone that is not the person I’m supposed to give the ‘package’ to would catch me. So I ran as fast as could not really knowing where to go and how bad the intentions of the man were. I was getting breathless and I really needed somewhere to hide. The man was still a few meters behind me and if I hid fast enough he would not notice where I’d gone. With this I spotted a dark alley and that’s where I flew to. It was a cold night and I regretted I hadn’t brought my jumper with me, but right now my jumper wasn’t what I was supposed to be thinking about. My footsteps echoed in the dark, only mines and no one else’s, I had finally lost the guy; my breath was still itching in my throat, my chest raising and falling rapidly, sweat begin to form on my forehead. I closed my eyes for a few seconds just so I could be able to clear my mind and think about what to do next. As much as I tried no ideas would come and I was getting scared. A chill went through my spine and before I could realize something was wrong a rough hand grabbed my neck forcefully, slamming me against a wall and making my body weaker than it already was. “You’ll wish you never had run away from me, kid.”
*End of flashback*
I noticed the street was nearly deserted, except from an almost anorectic-thin looking woman who was walking in big-pumped heels at a fast pace, trying to cover herself from the haunting rain with her two bare hands over her head. I honestly couldn’t see the point in doing this, I was sure the rain would catch up with her, one way or another.
By mistake I “waltzed” into what looked one of the busiest avenues I’d seen in my whole life and I got gradually frustrated as nothing about it was familiar. Not that I was really trying to look for something, though an idea where I was would be nice. I tried to ask a few people but all of them shrug me away, obviously more preoccupied with their own personal problems. “Oh, why did my boyfriend leave me?”, “If my car hadn’t broke down I wouldn’t have to go through this”, “Maybe I’m not a good teacher, all my students seem to be failing” . Pshhht. Why bother with a desperate tiny-winy teenage boy asking for direction? Not important. Invisible.
By now, my emotional problems weren’t in my head anymore, and as I got more and more damp the only thing in my mind was to look for a place where I could rest until the storm would die. Not more than a couple meters away, a sign catched my eye “The White Mountain Café”, not bad, it sure as hell couldn’t be worse than wandering in the streets wearing nothing more than a blue hoodie, skinny jeans and a brand-new broken pride.
The coffee shop was invitingly small and warm, just like the ones in the movies where nice old ladies work making the most delicious treats. It was decorated with round wooden tables and chairs, rather artistic pictures of a few different landscapes hanging on the crimson red walls and a dim light enlightening the store. In a farther way corner a bunch of bean bags were carefully placed near a stone fireplace, the orange-reddish flames coming out of it made the place even cozier and I decided to sit there, not only to relax but to be able to have some heat reaching my cold body.
A rather young looking kid with face full of dimples and a not very appealing green apron on approached me with a big white shiny smile. -Hey, someone bring the sunglasses! Just joking. He asked me what I wanted to have and recommended the hot chocolate, I didn’t have much money with me but I guess it would be enough for a drink. I watched him walk away with my order and the same expression of happiness as when he had greeted me, carelessly whistling some tune to himself. I missed those times where I was still able to look forward for something in life. Now, I just wanted to have anything, anything that didn’t remind me of what had happened months ago, anything that would take my blame, shame and guilt away and make those feelings disappear forever. And that’s when the realization hit me painfully across the face – nothing would ever be the same.
*Flashback*
“Hey kid! Come back here!” I heard a deep voice shouting, I knew it was directed to me and I didn’t really know why, but when people addressed to you like that it could never be a good thing. Before the man’s intervention I was already fearful, I didn’t like what I was doing but it was probably the only way of avoiding my end. ‘Cause you see, when high school started I began being bullied and shit like that, I didn’t give much importance to it as there were lots of kids who were treated like that, a couple of times a week I would be shoved against the lockers and be called rude names such as “faggot” or “cunt” , but that was it. Until three or four weeks ago, when someone decided I was their favorite play toy and from that moment everything got worse; I wasn’t only shoved onto the lockers or called stuff that no one would want to be called, now they would take every chance they could to humiliate me and once in a while they would beat the crap how of me and simply leave me bruised and bleeding wherever I was at the moment. Now tell if you wouldn’t be scared? The jocks knew I was, and with that we made what you could call a trade, even though it was more for my sake than theirs; I had accepted doing this unthinkable small thing and they would stop making my life a living hell. Though now I could see why they didn’t want to do it, even the very big muscled football players were scared of the dark streets of LA, so they asked someone like me to do it. -As if I wouldn’t die if someone that is not the person I’m supposed to give the ‘package’ to would catch me. So I ran as fast as could not really knowing where to go and how bad the intentions of the man were. I was getting breathless and I really needed somewhere to hide. The man was still a few meters behind me and if I hid fast enough he would not notice where I’d gone. With this I spotted a dark alley and that’s where I flew to. It was a cold night and I regretted I hadn’t brought my jumper with me, but right now my jumper wasn’t what I was supposed to be thinking about. My footsteps echoed in the dark, only mines and no one else’s, I had finally lost the guy; my breath was still itching in my throat, my chest raising and falling rapidly, sweat begin to form on my forehead. I closed my eyes for a few seconds just so I could be able to clear my mind and think about what to do next. As much as I tried no ideas would come and I was getting scared. A chill went through my spine and before I could realize something was wrong a rough hand grabbed my neck forcefully, slamming me against a wall and making my body weaker than it already was. “You’ll wish you never had run away from me, kid.”
*End of flashback*
♠ ♠ ♠
Wohoo. First chapter (: