"Who Would've Thought Getting Knocked Down Would End So Well?"
The job
I could not believe that I had lost my job. I really needed the money, and since my boss hated me he would be a terrible job reference. What a waste of time. I spent so much time glued to my chair at my desk...
Hmmmm... an idea came to mind. I may need to leave my boss a little gift. I put down a box of my belongings and rummaged through Pam's desk for the tube of crazy glue I knew she kept in there for her many heel repairing 'emergencies.' Searching through a bag of items I had planned to bring to my niece's 6th birthday party, I was able to find what I needed. This was going to be fun.
Twenty minutes later, I was saying goodbye to my coworkers when we heard grumbling and then yelling from Mr. Brown's office. Someone had spread crazy glue on his favorite chair which was now attached to his ass. He rolled out screaming. Everyone was afraid but me, I had nothing to lose. I approached the angry, throbbing pile.
"Mr. Brown, I sat glued to my desk for so long and you've never given me any recognition for my work so now you're going to sit down and listen to what I have to say. I'm better than this place and I will find a great job. I'm glad to leave this dump. I will be a success and you will still be here doing what you're told."
He looked at me, dumbstruck. Everything in the office stopped.
"Oh, and one more thing," I began, "you seemed happy to fire me, like it was a celebration. And a celebration is not complete without glitter!"
I took a jar of glitter and blew it into his face. It may sound silly, but if you've ever tried to get that stuff off, you know it's impossible. He would have to walk around with it all day and have to explain why he was sparkly gold. His eyes bulged as he stared at me with pure hatred. I quickly got my box and rushed out in case he decided to chase me.
I left my workplace with my dignity and a sinister grin plastered on my face.
Walking towards the company parking lot, I remembered "Billie's" phone number on my cell. Sneaky Billie Joe, when did he have the time to program his number? When I arrived at home I decided to call him. I almost chickened out. Realizing I had nothing to lose, I dialed the number and prayed I wouldn't embarrass myself. With each passing ring I had to convince myself not to freak out and launch the phone across the room. Finally, I heard a faint click as someone answered on the other end.
"International house of pancakes, how may I direct your call?"
"Oh, sorry. Wrong number."
My heart sank. Billie Joe had given me a fake phone number. Ready to hang up and throw myself in front of traffic, I recognized Tre's laugh.
"I can't believe you fell for that, it's the oldest trick in the book!" Tre was trying to catch his breath, he was laughing so hard. I was just relieved.
"I guess you want to talk to lover-boy here, but he's busy jerkin- " Tre never finished his sentence; hearing a struggle and what may have been slapping sounds, Billie grabbed the phone from Tre before he could accuse him of anything else.
Billie and I chatted for hours, getting to know each other better. I found out that he was recently divorced to his wife of eleven years, Adrienne. After two years of absence due to the American Idiot tour, the strain on their marriage was too much and they decided that it was best for them - and their children - to separate. Although I knew I shouldn't, I was cheering silently, Billie Joe was single!
Hmmmm... an idea came to mind. I may need to leave my boss a little gift. I put down a box of my belongings and rummaged through Pam's desk for the tube of crazy glue I knew she kept in there for her many heel repairing 'emergencies.' Searching through a bag of items I had planned to bring to my niece's 6th birthday party, I was able to find what I needed. This was going to be fun.
Twenty minutes later, I was saying goodbye to my coworkers when we heard grumbling and then yelling from Mr. Brown's office. Someone had spread crazy glue on his favorite chair which was now attached to his ass. He rolled out screaming. Everyone was afraid but me, I had nothing to lose. I approached the angry, throbbing pile.
"Mr. Brown, I sat glued to my desk for so long and you've never given me any recognition for my work so now you're going to sit down and listen to what I have to say. I'm better than this place and I will find a great job. I'm glad to leave this dump. I will be a success and you will still be here doing what you're told."
He looked at me, dumbstruck. Everything in the office stopped.
"Oh, and one more thing," I began, "you seemed happy to fire me, like it was a celebration. And a celebration is not complete without glitter!"
I took a jar of glitter and blew it into his face. It may sound silly, but if you've ever tried to get that stuff off, you know it's impossible. He would have to walk around with it all day and have to explain why he was sparkly gold. His eyes bulged as he stared at me with pure hatred. I quickly got my box and rushed out in case he decided to chase me.
I left my workplace with my dignity and a sinister grin plastered on my face.
Walking towards the company parking lot, I remembered "Billie's" phone number on my cell. Sneaky Billie Joe, when did he have the time to program his number? When I arrived at home I decided to call him. I almost chickened out. Realizing I had nothing to lose, I dialed the number and prayed I wouldn't embarrass myself. With each passing ring I had to convince myself not to freak out and launch the phone across the room. Finally, I heard a faint click as someone answered on the other end.
"International house of pancakes, how may I direct your call?"
"Oh, sorry. Wrong number."
My heart sank. Billie Joe had given me a fake phone number. Ready to hang up and throw myself in front of traffic, I recognized Tre's laugh.
"I can't believe you fell for that, it's the oldest trick in the book!" Tre was trying to catch his breath, he was laughing so hard. I was just relieved.
"I guess you want to talk to lover-boy here, but he's busy jerkin- " Tre never finished his sentence; hearing a struggle and what may have been slapping sounds, Billie grabbed the phone from Tre before he could accuse him of anything else.
Billie and I chatted for hours, getting to know each other better. I found out that he was recently divorced to his wife of eleven years, Adrienne. After two years of absence due to the American Idiot tour, the strain on their marriage was too much and they decided that it was best for them - and their children - to separate. Although I knew I shouldn't, I was cheering silently, Billie Joe was single!