We Were Right From The Start

You know when you're a kid, you make friends like that. In nursery or reception or whenever, you meet someone and then instantly you're best friends. Well, that was how it was for me and Liam. On the first day of nursery, we both played in the sandpit, and that was all it took. We were best friends. We were never apart up until we left for secondary school. All through first school we were "joined at the hip" like most teachers said. But Liam and I didn't care. We always had fun together.

When we were 8, we went to separate secondary schools and so were forced apart. We told each other that we would always be best friends, but as the years passed, our friendship dwindled down into an acquaintance and then Liam was 'just some guy I used to know.' I had his msn address and he was my 'friend' on facebook, but that didn't mean anything. Just because he was there, didn't mean our relationship was as strong as it used to be.

Don't you think it's strange how when you're kids you make friends with someone regardless of who they are. And then when you are older, you think to yourself, 'I would never be friends with them.' That's what happened to me. Liam changed. Or maybe it was me. But either way. When high school arrived, we were different. I was into books and reading, whereas Liam was football and rugby captain. We were different people than we were back in nursery. We had nothing in common. Therefore, we avoided each other.

Liam had his group – cheerleaders and other sports obsessed guys – and I had my group – book addicts and...nerds. I tried to fight it, but I couldn’t. It was where I belonged, away from Liam. I was upset at the way it had turned out, because I knew Liam and I could still have what we had had back then. I knew that inside, in our hearts, we were still that pair of 4 year olds. Well, we could be if we wanted. For Liam, I was willing to do whatever was needed, but Liam wasn’t. Why would he? He had all he wanted. He had girls, friends, trophies, the works. I didn't. All I wanted was something else. He wanted material things, I wanted him. But it was blatantly obvious to me that I could never have him.

"Why don’t you just talk to him?" Dom asked. I turned to him, away from Liam whom I had been watching out the window. Dom had been my friend since year 7 when Liam and I both started at this school. We were now in year 12 and I still hadn’t had a conversation with Liam.
"What?" I asked, feigning innocence.
"Frankie, you were staring at him with a very desperate look on your face," he said and I frowned and looked back at Liam.
"I don’t look desperate," I said defensively.
"Yes you do," Mandy said and I turned to her. She was sitting close to Dom, who had his arm around her waist possessively. I looked away from the happy couple and looked down at my book. We were in the library which was next to the football fields. (Whoever designed that was stupid, all the noise from the fields make the library a very hard place to find silence.) I snapped my book closed and stood up.
"I'll see you guys tomorrow," I said, packing up my bag. I heard the whistle blow for the end of practise but dismissed it.
"Yeah, ok, bye," Mandy said and I smiled at them once more before turning and leaving.

I pulled my iPod ear phones out and put them in as I walked through the school. It had finished about an hour ago, but I tried to put off going home as long as possible. Suddenly, something flew at me and hit my shoulder. It was just a scrunched up ball of paper, so it didn't hurt. I looked in the direction it had come and my heart stopped. Liam and his group were all gathered and laughing at me. I rolled my eyes and kicked the paper away from me. I flipped them off as I walked out of the school gates. They would probably make my life worse because I did that, but as you can guess, I don’t care.

I looked in back before I walked round a corner and my eyes landed on Liam. He wasn’t laughing like the rest of his group, he was smirking. I wondered what he had to smirk about and shivers ran over my skin.

Walking home took about 20 minutes, depending on how fast I walked. Once I had arrived home, I instantly knew that my parents had had another fight. Dad's car wasn’t in the drive like it normally was. I walked inside and saw mum in the living room, crying into her hands. "Why is mummy sad?" Sam asked me. I looked down at the 3 year old that had crawled out of the living room away from mum. I leant down and picked him up and held him on my hip.
"I don’t know," I said, because it was easier than explaining to a child. "Come on, do you want a biscuit?" He grinned and nodded and wrapped his arms around my neck tightly. I smiled and carried him into the kitchen. He didn't let go of me so I continued to hold him as I dug through the cupboard, looking for food. I passed Sam a digestive and he let go of my neck and I put him down on the floor while he ate. I made myself a hot chocolate and when the kettle had boiled I heard mum's bedroom door slam and I flinched. I looked down at Sam but he was oblivious. I finished making my drink and took Sam back into the living room and we watched Bob the Builder for about an hour.

At 6 Sam was getting hungry. "What's for tea?" he asked. I bit my lip and glanced at the stairs, wondering if mum was going to come down.
"Pasta?" I asked him and he grinned and nodded.
"And cheese?" he asked and I nodded.
"Sure," I smiled. I made dinner for me and Sam, knowing that if I even bothered to make it for mum, she wouldn’t eat it. I put Sam to bed at 7.30 and he could barely keep his eyes open 5 minutes before falling fast asleep. I smiled at him. It wasn’t fair that he was subjected to this home. At least they didn't start fighting until I was 15, when Sam was born. Sam didn't cause the fights, it was just coincidence.

I went to my room after locking up the house, knowing my dad wouldn’t be home. I signed onto my computer and checked my emails and then went onto facebook. I saw that Liam had added photos and I clicked on them and gazed at his face, grinning at the camera. I smiled slightly but then closed the pictures. There was no point in me fantasising about Liam; it wouldn’t go anywhere. But no matter how many times I told myself that, I couldn’t make myself believe it.