When No One's Watching

In that moment, something clicked in my brain. A realization took over me as I felt the heat spreading. It was not embarrassment, nor the temperature of the room, but a fire. A fire so uncontrolled and unprecedented I merely sat there in a mild shock. Finn was looking at me, concerned, but I shook my head to let him know I was fine. In truth, I do not really know if I’m fine. My head slowed from a dangerous roller coaster to a happy twirl and I looked at him dazed.

“What was that?” I finally asked, not meaning to insult him, but I sure was curious to his motive.

“I don’t know. I’m really sorry, I shouldn’t have. You’re a minor and everything and this is wrong, isn’t it? I mean—” He rambled on.

“I liked it,” I stated boldly, causing his speech to halt.

“What?” He asked, thoroughly confused.

“You heard me,” I said. I had no idea what was causing me to be so forward.

“Um,” Finn finally sputtered out, gulping. His lips were parted just slightly, inviting me to play. I leaned forward to meet his lips once again. The kiss was more controlled and my brain was able to think more clearly this time, but apparently, so was his brain.

“If we’re going to do, uh, this,” He said, referring to the kiss, “We should move away from the window,”

“Oh,” I softly spoke, my eyes still locked on his blue ones, and I stood up. Grabbing his hand, I pulled him along to the back of the store. When we were finally secluded I fixed my gaze upon him and watched as he lowered his lips to mine. His hand found my waist and my mind went dizzy once again. I forced myself to regain control of my actions and I twirled a strand of his hair around my finger.

I had never experienced anything like this with Tanner. The one kiss we had shared only days before seemed juvenile in comparison. Finn had me gently pressed against the bookshelf and I could feel each book’s spine poking into mine. Finn’s hand remained modestly at my waist as the lustful exchange continued.

Out of breath I pulled away. I looked up at Finn. His eyes were hard set on mine. I didn’t dare break the gaze, but I knew I needed to go home and face my parents eventually, so I spoke up, “I should go”

“Okay,” Finn replied, his voice slightly raspy.

“I’ll see you later,” I said, trying not to sound hopeful.

“Yeah,” He replied, a little preoccupied with the books behind my head. I waved awkwardly and headed down the isles of books until I came to the front of the store.

As I exited the store, I noticed the “Open” sign was switched to closed. Well that explains why no one walked in on us. I laughed lightly and headed to my car.

- - - - - -

I received a rude greeting when I stepped into the threshold of my house. My parents were shouting at me, each trying to be louder.

“Where were you?” Mom.

“Why weren’t you at practice?” Dad.

“We were worried!” Mom.

“Do you want to tell me why you weren’t at practice?” Dad.

“It’s cold out there! Where’s your coat?” Mom.

“I got a phone call from your coach.” Dad. My mom was silent after this. “Are you going to tell me how you got suspended from the team?”

“I didn’t get suspended,” I muttered. I got kicked off until further notice.

“Bull shit!” My dad yelled. I cringed and snuck a look at my mom. She was shrinking back, unsure what to do. “I want to know what happened. I want your side of the story, not the coach’s. She gave me this shit that you weren’t trying hard enough. Is that true?” He demanded.

My hormones must be all out of place today. First with Finn, and now with this, because the next thing that passed my lips was a great big, “Fuck you, dad” and I stormed up to my room, leaving both of my parents stunned in the living room. I didn’t usually swear, and I never in my entire life have disrespected my parents.

I slammed my door for emphasis and collapsed on my bed with tears threatening to fall. I had no idea what was wrong with me. First I cheat on my boyfriend and now I swear at my dad. I got kicked off of the team, but it’s only temporary, I reminded myself. In one day I managed to dig myself into a hole so deep, and I have no idea how to get out.

I grabbed my phone and called Kendra. I heard her voice immediately, “Hey it’s Kendra, my phone’s either dead, off, or I’m just avoiding you. Leave a message!” A sad smile crept on to my face and I remembered the time she recorded that. We were freshmen and we thought we were on top of the world. It was right after she had broken up with her first boyfriend, and she thought it would add humor if he ever called her again.

I heard the beep and began, “Hey, Kendra, I’m kind of worried. I don’t know where you are or why you’re not in school. Call me ASAP. I love you girl, bye.” I ended the call and sunk even deeper into my pillow. With all of the shit going on, I need my best friend more than ever.