Tough Love

I’ve tried to flirt shamelessly with Ryan, but he doesn’t seem to get it. From playing with his hair to licking whipped cream from the tip of his nose I guess he just saw it as me being his weird best friend. Since that didn’t seem to work I’ve started to avoid him, not because of Keltie’s dumb warnings but simply because I’m afraid of what I might do. Maybe Ryan knew I was flirting with him but decided to ignore it because he doesn’t feel the same way. I’m scared that I may do something so stupid as to go right up to him and start making out with him. So I stayed away.

But I couldn’t avoid Ryan forever eventually all my excuses would start to sound clichéd and he would know something was up. I had to find a way to get rid of all those feelings. There was nothing I wanted more than to reach out and touch Ryan. All I wanted to do was touch him, I didn’t want to wait. He didn’t know how he was affecting me, sexual, physical, fantasy: it was all Ryan. I was going insane not touching him. Perhaps the answer to getting rid of all the sexual tension I felt toward him was to just face it face on. I liked that idea more than I should have. But I was on a mission for position by the end of the night.

Fixed the last few buttons of my shirt and fixed my hair for the last time before exiting the dressing room. Just as I stepped out I bumped into none other than Ryan. I was surprised and a little more than nervous, slight moisture began to form on my forehead.

“Are you alright?” he asked, a perplexed look upon his face.

“Yeah, fine, just a little hot,” I tried to sound nonchalant.

“Oh. So…uh…are we ok?” he asked, the confusion remained on his face.

“Yeah, why wouldn’t we be?” I replied chuckling nervously.

“I don’t know,” he began, “you’ve been kind of distant lately, as if you were avoiding me. Are you mad at me or something?”

“Avoiding you? If I were avoiding you I wouldn’t be standing here would I?” I said nervously. “And I can’t get mad at you Ry, I love you…and by love you I mean friendly love.” I said chuckling humorlessly.

“I guess--” he didn’t sound very convinced.

“Listen I gotta go, but we’ll talk about this later ok?” I was completely sincere about that. I was about to go when Ryan caught me by the hand. Ryan’s touch sent a bolt of lightning through me, I wanted to reach out and touch him then. I wasn’t sure if I could control myself much longer.

“After the show ok?” said Ryan with imploring eyes.

“Count on it,” I answered as I walked away.

I had four Red Bulls before going on stage, the sugar rush was quite calming. I didn’t know how exactly to approach the whole thing, but I new all I wanted to do was touch him. In my mind Ryan and me are in a secret affair and he was welcomed into that fantasy. I watched Ryan throughout the first half of the show. He looked amazing playing the guitar. Thoughts were racing in my mind, but it was time to explore. I began making my way to him as we started playing Lying Is The Most Fun A Girl Can Have Without Taking Her Clothes off. This was perfect what better way to get what I wanted than going back to our old stage antics.

As I stood before Ryan my heart started beating faster and faster. I brought my right hand to Ryan’s left cheek, Ryan brought his hand up to mine. My heart continued to race, my body felt numb, and Ryan only got closer. The hormone-raging girls screamed in excitement. I felt Ryan’s soft lips brush against mine as we both sang into one mic. It was too much I couldn’t take it anymore, I was going insane. I couldn’t resist I brought my lips to his closing the kiss. It only lasted a few seconds but it sent me into pure bliss, Ryan’s lips were sweet and inviting, but I couldn’t keep that up on stage. I walked away from Ryan completely hot and bothered.

Brendon’s lips had been pure ecstasy, I didn’t know what I would’ve done if he hadn’t walked away. I was glad the guitar covered the bulge that had formed in my pants. It had been a long time since Brendon had done something like that. I felt all hazy but I decided it was nothing but the adrenaline of doing that on stage again. We were just giving the girls what they wanted.

The show ended and all throughout it Brendon stayed on my mind. Things were starting to get weird, but for some reason all he wanted to do was reach and pull Brendon into another kiss. I had to stop thinking about Brendon’s lips. What the fuck is wrong with me? The only lips I should be thinking about are Keltie’s. I sighed as I stood in front of the mirror in my dressing room.

There was a soft knock on the door, “come in.”

“Hey,” Brendon said, “here I am.”

“Good, I was starting to thinking you were playing games with the hunter,” I said.

“And you’re the hunter in this scenario?” He asked jokingly.

“Yeah, nowhere to run boy, time to surrender.” I said chuckling.

He laughed too.

“I guess you weren’t avoiding me after all,” I stated.

“Nah, why would I do that?” asked Brendon. I noticed the slight break in his voice.

“I don’t know, it just feels like we haven’t seen each other in weeks,” I said as I walked closer to him.

“Yeah, like ages,” Brendon agreed, he too walking toward me.

“I just--” my breathing became more erratic.

“I--” Brendon was breathing faster too, we were staring into each other’s eyes.

I grabbed his hand and pulled him closer to me. Maybe faith brought us closer and now I wanted to reach out and touch him. Simultaneously we brought our hands to each others faces. Our lips met in a hot, rough, passionate kiss. I wanted to feel Brendon, my hands started to explore. NO! I pulled away. I couldn’t. “Bren what are you doing?!” I sounded completely judgmental.

“What?” Brendon sounded confused.

“I mean what the heck are you doing?” I asked trying to sound disgusted.

“What am I doing? It seemed to me like it was you who pulled me into this!” Brendon sounded totally hurt, and worst: hurt.

“I think you should go,” I muttered, my eyes locked on the floor.

Brendon didn’t say anything else, he just stormed out of the room. I had just hurt my best friend and all because I couldn’t control my damn hormones. I hated myself for hurting Brendon, it was going to bother me more than I’d like.

I was completely pissed off. “What was I doing?!” He was the one who wanted to talk! He was the one who pulled me into the kiss! And then he had the damn nerve to judge me?! My hands balled into fists, I punched the dressing room wall. It hurt like a bitch, but it was nothing compared to the pain Ryan had caused him. I took a deep breath to steady myself and then looked at my hand. It was scrapped but I didn’t think it was broken. How could I have been so stupid as to let things go that far?! I should’ve kept avoiding him. A single tear rolled down my cheek as I felt my heart ache at the thought of losing Ryan. One thing I knew for sure, things would never be the same again.