Tough Love

I stood under the streaming warm water, I was tired. Tired of everything, Ryan, Fabiola, Keltie, and those stupid feelings for Ryan. But that’s what I got for letting my heart win. I’d drowned out all my sense for Ryan, all for nothing. I thought Ryan had actually liked the kiss, in fact I was sure of it. I felt a spark there but apparently Ryan hadn’t enjoyed it as much as I had. He started to avoid me, and it hurt more and more every time I thought about losing Ryan’s friendship. I heard a knock on the door, I opened my eyes, but I decided to ignore whoever it was. There was another knock, I remained under the running water though. After a few minutes I decided whoever was looking for me had gone away.

I finally shut off the water and stepped out of the shower, I grabbed a towel and wrapped it around my waist. As I walked out of the bathroom I was completely bewildered to find Ryan sitting on the bed. I froze where I stood, I felt like my heart was sinking. What in the world was he doing there?

Ryan turned around slowly, pain was clear on his brown eyes. “Hey,” he whispered.

“What are you doing here?” I replied icily.

“I wanted to talk, I--”

“I don’t wanna hear it Ryan. You can go now.”

I took a deep breath, trying not to let my emotions get the best of me. I wanted to talk to him, but I wasn’t going to make me suffer anymore.

“Please Bden, just let me explain,” he pleaded. His eyes were watery are deeply saddened.

“Ry, there’s nothing to explain. I mean you made it clear how you felt about what happened the other night,” as much as it pained me to see Ryan on the verge of tears I wasn’t about to give in.

“Bren, you have no idea what I’ve been going through the past few day,” the tears actually began to roll down his cheeks, “I--please just talk to me?”

I sighed. “Can I at least change first?”

Ryan stepped out into the living room. I wondered how I was supposed to feel. There was nothing I wanted more than Ryan, but he would never be mine. As I pulled on a plain black shirt I walked out to meet Ryan, he was sitting on the couch. He seemed to delicate, so innocent. “So what’s up?” I asked softly.

“Bden I’m so sorry about the way I acted the other night, I just--” he covered his face with his hands.

I went over to sit by him, I hated seeing him like that. “What’s wrong?” I asked as I gently pulled his hands away from his face. Tears were silently rolling down his cheeks.

He sniffed, “I never meant to hurt you.”

I gave him a weak smile, “Ry, no matter what you do I’ll always be here for you. If you want me in your life that is.”

“Of course I want you in my life! Bren I’ve only been avoiding you because I’ve been trying to figure out how I feel about you.”

That completely took me by surprise, “how do you feel about me?”

“I don’t know, I can’t seem to stop thinking about that kiss,” he said.

“Neither have I,” I admitted, “but then why did you act so shocked the other night?”

“I--I don’t know, I was scared…I freaked out,” he whispered.

We sat there in silence for a few minutes.

“So where so we stand?” I finally asked.

“Part of me wants you Bren, but--” he stopped.

“But?” I urged.

“But I’m with Keltie and that’s how things are going to stay.” His voice sounded completely pained.

“Why do we like to hurt so much?” I muttered.

“What do you mean?”

“I can’t decide, you have made it harder just to go on. We can’t be together and we can’t just go back to being friends. Why won’t these feelings just go away?”

“That’s what you get when you let your heart win,” Ryan whispered.

I simply nodded.

“I should get going,” he said after a few minutes as he got up from the couch.

“Ryan?”

“Hmm?”

“When you’re ready make your way me, you know I’ll always be just so inviting.”

“What if you’ve changed your mind by then?”

“If I ever start to think straight this heart will start a riot in me,” I replied, a weak smile forming on my lips.

Ryan leaned down a placed a soft kiss on my full lips. It was nice, soft, and gentle. After that Ryan walked out of the room, that’s when I realized that that’s I got for letting my heart win.