Those Worse Off Than You

"But you've told Jayde about your childhood, havn't you? You care about her, don't you?"

"Og course I care about her," I screamed before I began mumbling. "I've told her signifigant events if my childhood... excuses- reasons for me being the way I am. I never told her about my childhood; not in depth anyway. Not what it was like... what really happened. I care about her so much that I would never want to scar her with my past. I don't want her to know about it."

"Uh. Well... That's going to have to change. Ace, you know trust is based on knowledge- you're a smart boy. And relationships are based on trust. You think she's going to want to be around you if she doesn't trust you?"

"What are you talking about? You are clueless..."

"Ah- see, we both have our tricks. I've never met a boy like you, and I know you can end up in a heap of trouble if you don't fix your course. Do you want to end up in... somewhere you don't want to be?"

"In mental health care- I'm not stupid."

"I know you're not. But do you understand why?"

"Because. I'm fucked up. I'm not normal. Because I have no sense of self-worth or confidence. Because I want to die."

"And why is that?"

"Because! I hate myself! I hate my life! I hate the impacts I make on people's lives! I hate how I break everything I touch and I can't fix it! I hate my mind! I hate my body! And I hate you!"

"Ace, settle down. We can try and fix that."

"No," I interrupted. "I'm sick of trying to fix things! There's only one way to fix the broken..."

"No Ace, you're wrong. You can fix what's happened without resorting to suicide."

"Just leave me alone," I grumbled, throwing the blankets over my head.

"I'll be back tomorrow morning."

"Piss off."

"Watch your mouth and try to change the attitude- you got off lucky. It's part of your new program, I've got to session with you everyday."

I just graoned and turned over to face the window- ignoring him, and everything else around me.