Those Worse Off Than You

"Common Ace, talk to me; let me in."

"I am. I'm just... really tired. I feel high."

"Well... how do you feel about that? Do you feel you might do something?"

Did I? Did I feel as if I wanted to do drugs? Sure...

"I shrugged, "No not really."

I probably wouldn't have had that sudden craving is this conversation hadn't started up... and if I didn't feel the way I did right now. He got me thinking, and suddenly, yea- I did want drugs; lots of them.

I watched the psycologist cock his eyebrow from under his square glasses before he cleared his throat. "Ace- I'm a proffesional... I can tell when you're lying."

"Okay, okay," I said annoyed. "Maybe a little bit. I'm not going to go out and buy a pound of weed because I feel like I want to be high- I have more will-power than that."

"You'd tell me otherwise?"

"Yea- sure... I don't really want to end up any more screwed up than I already am- like my father."

"Does it bother you that your father dead?"

"In my opinion- it's better him than the nice people that he's hurt or killed. I hated him so much... I still hate him. He ruined my life. He's the reason I am the way I am. It's his fault I'm afraid of people. It's his fault I'm afraid of getting too close. It's his fault I was ever on drugs- he shouldn't have left them lying around! God... listen to me. Is that not sick and twisted? My father is dead and I still hate his guts."

"Not entirely."

"How is that possible?"

"You've felt threatened by your father for a long time. He's made you feel low and stupid, and he's humiliated you. But I'm not so sure he's made an entirely negative impact on your life. Without those events that took place, and the inccidents that have occured in your lifetime, you would not be who you are today. And that includes more than what you call a common flaw."

"You sound like Jayde," I remarked wiht a sudden smile, reminding myself of her.

"Jayde is a special girl. She's very smart and logical. She's a good influence on you, Ace."

"Well then at least I havn't screwed up everything entirely... if she doesn't hate my guts."

"I don't think she would have come to visit you if she hated your guts."