Think of the Angels

“No! Mikey! No, you can’t leave me!” Gerard choked out, clutching the hand of his little brother as he, Mikey, laid there on the hospital bed.

It’ll be so lonely here without you…

This was where it had all begun.

It would be where everything ended.

“Gee,” the skinny boy raised a shivering, pallid hand, brushing fragile fingers over his brother’s porcelain cheeks.

“No…” his older brother whispered, squeezing his already numb hand, taking it in his own, clasping it, pressing the cold flesh to his cheek, still warm with the spark of life.

It pained Mikey to see his brother like this. The idol he had always secretly looked up to, through all the relentless teasing over the years. The one savior he had always loved. The life support, the being that saw him through every single day of his waking life.

The brother he never had, never met, up till the age of ten.

Gee.

“Will the Black Parade come for me?” Mikey whispered, soft and afraid, hesitant and filled with doubt as to where he would go after this, after all this.

Gerard gave a muffled chuckle, burying his tear-stained face into the back of his brother’s limp hand. “No, silly. We made that up, remember?”

A frown, a puzzled expression, flashed across Mikey’s features as he furrowed his brow. “What if it’s real?”

“It can’t be, it isn’t. We created it, but we’re not gods.”

It just brought back so many memories, The Black Parade. Too many memories.

Gerard turned away, unable to bear the sheer emotion in his heart whilst he still looked at his brother. The memories the Black Parade brought back flashed before his eyes, in the form of the images of the people he had known and loved, seemingly his entire life.

The memories of the figments of his imagination, the illusions, the hopes, dreams and creations of a hopeful, deluded soul.

Ray. Silent genius, the one working in the background. The smart one, at times more sensible than Mikey.

Bob. The serious, driving force behind the band that had long since broken up. The one who looked tough as nails, but inside, was softer than Mikey’s age old teddy bear.

And Frank. Frank-motherfucking-Iero.

His image was just there, standing before Gerard, in the dimly-lit ward.

But he’s gone, Gerard sighed to himself. Dead, and never coming back.

The image of Frank raised an arm, the picture of energy. The perfect painting, the perfect masterpiece that he was. A soft halo framed his angelic face, free of torture, at peace at last. Frank was happy.

He raised a finger, brushing lightly against the crown of brittle, still sharp thorns atop his head. Accomplishing what seemed like an impossible feat for an illusion, Frank made eye contact with Gerard.

The he did something uncharacteristic of a mere mirage – he smiled.

No. Gerard thought, crashing back into reality, tumbling down the steps painful and hard. Frank was dead. How could this be happening? An illusion, or not?

Frank waved. A little movement, a left-to-right gesture. Swift, fleeting, heart wrenching. A long dead angel, waving, smiling.

“Frank?” Gerard’s eyes widened. No. He was dead. Dead. DEAD!

Mikey gasped, a weak, feeble sound. “Where? Gerard, what…?”

The apparition of Frank Iero opened its perfect, rosy lips. Speaking, as the cool, collected hazel eyes began to fill with restrained tears.

I can’t go because of you, I can’t go because I have something to say.
I’m still here, because I love you guys. I’ll love you, forever.
Do you know how hard it is to let go?

“I miss you.”

The words came out, barely a whisper. Like the autumn wind, it was silent, yet still heard. The silence out loud, the most beautiful silence, the silent beauty of it all.

A drop of liquid fell from his eyes, falling down, spiraling a hundred floors into everlasting eternity. A single tear.

Frank shook his head, black locks flying. Tears, now flowing freely, the warm droplets of release they were.

“I’ve missed all of you. Everyday. Every second.”

Gerard swallowed the lump in his throat. Frank. He was here.

How can I see you? I’m not psychic. I never was.

“I’ll see you again,” Gerard replied, still holding the hand of his little brother whom was staring at him in shock.

Frank sighed, looking into Gerard’s eyes. “Forgive me,” the younger man whispered, another tear sliding down his pallid cheeks to form to rivulets.

For not saying goodbye, for all the things I’ve done behind your back.
For all my sins, every single one of them you didn’t know a thing about.

Reaching out a hand, Gerard wanted to touch, to hold Frank once again, so badly. But he couldn’t. He knew it just wasn’t possible. “For what, silly?” Gerard smiled, a soft smile. “You were never blamed. Never, even for the worst of what you did.”

Frank’s form racked with sobs as he looked away, smiling.

Do you understand now? How you can be so happy for another, yet so torn for the decision you are about to make?

How your heart lifts with joy when someone has found peace, yet breaks into two at the thought of letting go, for the beauty of it all?

How everything is so bittersweet, how you can feel happy, yet sad at the same time?

How you cry into the mirror, yet you’re smiling at your own reflection?

Gerard smiled. A sad smile of knowing.

“Bella Muerte.”

Frank turned back, surprised. Then he nodded, crying. Emotion painted his face, etching the angel’s image into Gerard’s memory forever.

“Pour toujours, Gerard. Forever.”

He turned around, ready at last. He was no longer afraid as he had once been, no longer fearful as so many had been on their past journeys. Yet, there was one last thing to do, one last thing he owed.

Frank Iero closed his eyes, letting his tears run dry. An image of Gerard blossomed within his mind – sad, yet so awfully sweet. His eyes squeezed shut, letting the last crystalline drop escape.

“Goodbye,” he whispered. “Goodbye, Gerard.” Yet, this isn’t the end, this isn’t my final encore.

Gerard nodded. “Goodbye, Frank. Goodnight.”

Do know how long I’ve waited?
Do you know how long I’ve waited to hear that?

And so Frank Anthony Iero let the light wash over him, taking him forever.

Do you know how much that meant to me?
Have you any idea how that made me feel?

Helena was waiting.

I’ve waited so long for you to say a goodbye, Frank.
I’ve waited so long.
I wanted to bid you goodbye, long ago. Yet there wasn’t time.
You gave me this opportunity, you finally said goodbye.

Thank you, Frank.
Thank you.