Never Let This Go

I pushed and pushed and nothing seems to be happening. Josh is stood next to me telling me I was doing great. I even had hold of his hand, which I was squeezing so hard. Eventually after 5 minutes of pushing the first baby came out. It was a girl. I didn’t look at her because if I looked than it would make it so much harder for me to let go of them. 10 minutes later second baby pops out. It another girl. After the second one came out I was so tired. After 10 minutes of pushing for the third one I just couldn’t do anymore.
“I can’t do it I’m so tired” I cried
“Your doing great, your almost done just a couple more pushes, and that’s it” Josh said. So I took a couple of deep breathes and went for it. A few minutes later I heard the cries of the last baby. It was a boy. Just before they took him away I told the doctor the names I wanted them to be called. It was hard for me not to look at them, when they asked me if I wanted to hold them. Obviously I said no, and looked at Josh. Josh was staring at the babies. When they took the babies away Josh went with them I don’t know why but he told me he was going to leave me so I could get so sleep, and that what I did. Woke up a couple of hours later to the sound of babies crying. I was on the maternity ward where all the other moms stayed with there babies. One difference I’m the only one with out my babies. I look to the left of me and I saw a woman with a baby in her arms. I looked at her and smiled, she looked tired. I was about to talk to her, but then I heard Josh and Hayley’s voices. I turned around and saw Josh carrying a bunch of flowers. He put them on the table next to my bed and did you get much sleep.
“Yeah I did just woke up coz I heard a baby cry” I said as I sat up.
“Awww, how you feeling by the way” Hayley said sitting down onto a chair
“Surprisingly ok” I said letting out a little laugh. She smiled back and gave me a hug. All of a sudden I felt this rush of sadness and burst into tears. Josh sat on the bed and also gave me a hug. We was sat there for about 10 minutes then the nurse came in to run some tests on me, to see if I’m well enough to go home today. And I was. Thank gosh. I really didn’t want to stay in there with all the moms. All the way home I kept thinking what if I did look at them, would I be still sat here without them. Once I got home, I told Josh and Hayley that I would see them in a few hours coz I wanted to get more sleep. I walked into my house and went straight upstairs. A couple minutes later my mom comes into my room.
“You ok?” She asked.
“What do you think?! I have just had three babies and give them away” I snapped
“Well don’t take it out on me. I was only asking how you were”
“Where was you anyway? You didn’t come and see me, you’re the one I needed the most when I was in labour. So where was you?” I asked
“I didn’t get a phone call yesterday” She said as she looked at the floor and shuffled her feet
“Your lying” I shouted. I knew when she was lying “Get out” I whispered
“What?”
“I said GET OUT OF MY ROOM” she didn’t dare say anything back, she just looked at me and walked out. I lay my head onto my pillow and fell straight to sleep.
I woke up about 2 hours later to the sound of a car door slam. I quickly got up and looked out of my window and saw my mom driving down the road. That’s weird, I thought she never goes anywhere apart from the shops and to see her lover boy but he is away with work. I went downstairs into the kitchen and found a note of the fridge.
‘Dear Sarah,
I need to get away for a while and think about things so I have gone to stay with a friend, don’t know when I’ll be back. I have left you some money, its in my room cya in a week or so mom xxx’
Why has she gone when I need her the most, and what thing has she got to think through? I went into the living room I started thinking about yesterday and how I wished I did look at my babies. My thoughts was interrupted by someone knocking on the door. I quickly got up and answered the door. It was Kacey, and Sarah.
“Hey guys, come in” I said as I hugged them both. We went back into the living room. “Is everyone else coming round later?” I asked
“Yeah they just had something to do. How are you anyways?” They asked
“I’m really not that bad, I’m just regretting not seeing them” They looked at each other funny then looked back at me.
“What was that look for then? I asked
“What look?” Kacey said acting as if I was dumb. I played along with it. I will find out what is going on sooner or later.