Lovers Love, Liars Lie

When you ask people what they think of themselves, most give a fake answer; mainly saying they're happy with who they are.

Well I'll cut the bullshit, I hate myself. I'm always trying to be someone I'm not. I can't remember the last time I met someone and told them the truth about myself. Usually I meet them and tell them a nickname I made up myself, or I make up some shit about where I'm from, or I act like I've got this record for being a bad girl.

But no, be warned, anything I tell you has a 90% chance of being a lie.

Some have gone to the lengths of calling me a compulsive liar. I'm not though. How do I know? Simple. I know when I'm lying. I personally construct every lie inside my head and never once have I actually believed one of my own lies.

So here is the small truth about me: I'm really just an innocent and lost girl who prefers for people to know the lies about her rather than the real things.

I'm scared to trust people. I'm scared to love. I'm scared to tell the truth.

So who am I really? Who am I without the fake names, excuses, and life? I'm Taylor Eliza Smith. I'm nineteen – not twenty-one like my fake ID says-, I'm completely typical under all my make-up, and truthfully, despite all the assumptions people make when they see me partying, I'm actually one of the most innocent people I know. But shhh, don't tell anyone.

I bet you're wondering how all my lies don't come back and bite me in the ass, right? How Karma hasn't found its way to get me? How no one has figured out that I'm spinning a whole web of lies right in front of them?

Honestly, I'm not quite sure how I've gotten this lucky. Maybe it's the fact I never give my number out, or my real name, or how I've never taken someone home. Maybe it's that no one ever wants to meet me again. I'm the "party girl" (not really) and not the friend material. Either way, I'm happy. I wouldn't know where to begin to explain myself out of my lies.

So, you ask, what got me into all of this? Where did the lies begin? I'll tell you the truth, just this once; because you don't really know me. You'll never really know me, so why lie to you? I'll be honest, when I was younger, my mom died. From then on, I lied my way through life. Instead of having a mother to guide me through things, my lies did the guiding.

I don't regret it either, or at least not most of it. I mean, is life really fun if you don't regret things? No, it's not. And it's also not fun without a few little lies to spark up your life.