Sea Wolves

The fact that I got home late last night only brought me more trouble from my parents. They were determined to drill the idea into my head that Grandma Nora had not been at fault in mentioning Amy and that I should have handled the situation more maturely, as they put it. For the next hour a heated conversation ensued - with me defending myself and my reasons for acting like I did - until they gave up on me and went to bed. I was sure in the morning they would make me call Grandma Nora and apologize, but to my relief they weren't around. I made sure I got out of the house before I encountered them.

I sat on the green lawn beneath one of the huge trees, being finicky with my lunch and mulling over what had gone on in the past few days. The weather had changed for the first time since my family and I moved here; the sun was out and warm on my back. The air was still a little nippy, but I was just grateful to be outside and not in that stuffy cafeteria where a million bodies were crammed at the tables. Now the students were scattered all over the lawn, their chatter more lively than usual because of the weather. The girls seized the opportunity to show off their legs by wearing shorts, while guys' abs bulged from underneath their T-shirts. The sun had brought a friskiness to the teenagers at Forks High School.

I only wished it could have the same effect on me. Though the warm day satisfied my need for a pleasant atmosphere, my thoughts had strayed quickly to all of the issues I still had to resolve. Jared was still waiting for an answer - he had been unexpectedly kind to me today, like he went out of his way to talk to me in the halls. And he actually walked with me to my History class today! I was so tempted to say yes and go and sit with him now - I could see him with his friends under one of the trees with a few girls - but the only thing that held me back from that was the mood I was in. The fight with my parents last night and the pressure to call Grandma Nora and apologize put me under a lot of stress. I wasn't sure I was up to any company.

Only having eaten half of my apple, I tossed the rest of it back in my lunch sack. I was about to pull out my ipod, the tool I often used to build my sanctuary for thinking, when I felt a light tapping on my shoulder. Startled, I did a little spin in the grass and met a pair of dazzling brown eyes that never failed to light up my soul. My bewilderment must have been obvious. Trase grinned, amusement dancing in his eyes, as he chose a spot opposite me in the grass and sat down. He whipped out his blackberry and typed up a message, showing me the screen when he had finished.

Did I startle you?

"Uh..." my words caught in my throat, and I realized how stupid I sounded. I was so glad he couldn't hear my voice. "Yeah! You did. I..." I suddenly forgot what I was about to say as I studied his face. On his left eye, just above the eyebrow, was a rather large cut that had scabbed over. The swollen area was colored many deep shades of purple. Concerned as I continued to stare at the wound, I asked, "What happened?"

Trase's hand moved toward the cut, but then he brought it to his blackberry and began typing. He had a blank look on his face. I ran into a locker and caught a sharp edge. I was late to my class, so I was hurrying and didn't see it in time to stop myself. Nothing serious. He offered me a smile after I read the message, but he could tell I wasn't reassured.

"And you left school for that? Why didn't you go to the school nurse?"

He sighed heavily. I didn't want to draw attention to myself.

"That's not a very good reason." I meant it lightly and laughed a little to show him I was kidding, but inside I was confused. He could have had the nurse fix it up, maybe bandage it a little, and then he would have been fine. Was he afraid people would notice and tease him about it? I just wasn't satisfied with Trase's reason, but I decided to let it slide. After all, I was too happy to see him to be frustrated. And I was relieved to know that that had been the real reason why he left yesterday, not because he was ditching classes, like Jared had said.

It wasn't because of you, the same small voice that had spoken to me yesterday on the cliff whispered somewhere within the depths of my mind. He never ditched school to avoid you. It was just a misunderstanding. And he's sitting with you now, isn't he? He must like you.

The following ten minutes were spent in a peaceful silence. I chose not to listen to my music to fill in the emptiness. Instead I leaned back with the support of my hands and breathed in the salty fresh air, listening to the leaves rustle as the breeze moved through them. Trase ate his lunch, the blackberry resting by his leg in the grass.

Looking up into the thick leafy canopy above me, I asked absent-mindedly, "Is sign language a hard language to learn?" After a bit of a silence I looked down at Trase, wondering if he had heard - I mean seen - my question. His sandwich was posed close to his mouth, as if he had been about to take a bite. He was staring at me carefully, trying to make out what I had said. I blushed a little. "Um... sign language... is it hard to learn?" I repeated sloppily.

Trase set the half-eaten sandwich down on his knee and reached for his blackberry. I felt a little guilty that I had interrupted his lunch, but before I could say never mind he handed me the phone. About as hard as any other language. It's no big deal if you're diligent.

"Oh," I said, returning the blackberry. He set it down in the grass again and picked up his sandwich, glancing my way every now and then as he ate to watch for more questions. I looked down at my lap, suddenly fascinated in my hands as I thought. Finally I looked up and shyly began, "Could... could you teach me sometime? I mean... not now, but sometime. I don't know."

Trase nodded enthusiastically and stuffed the remains of his sandwich in his mouth, swallowing. He held up his hand and formed a letter. His index finger pointed skyward and his thumb sticking straight out, it wasn't a hard letter for me to read.

"L?" I asked. He nodded, and with one hand typed on his blackberry. He tossed it to me. Not hard, right? Now you do it.

I copied the sign, positioning my fingers as closely as I could to his, although for the letter L it really wasn't hard. He nodded approvingly and typed another message. Let's start at the beginning of the alphabet. This is A.

We began going through the whole alphabet, one letter at a time, slowly so that I wouldn't miss where to put my fingers. As we went along I tried to memorize the signs, often stopping Trase in the middle of the lesson to review a certain letter that I had forgotten. I was sure I interrupted more times than I could count, but Trase was patient and helpful.

When we got to P, I struggled to get my fingers to find their place. Trase waited, his hand poised with the letter already formed, until he was sure I couldn't do it on my own. He reached forward and gently took hold of my fingers, stretching my index out and curling my other fingers into place. At first I stiffened a little at his touch, but by the warmth of his hand against my cool skin I gradually relaxed and allowed my fingers to bend at his will. Trase felt inclined to help me with other letters, if he found that my finger positioning was off. Under his guidance I quickly learned how to perform most of the alphabet by memory, and we practiced spelling things to each other until the lunch period ended.

* * *

I replayed this scene over and over in my mind as I lay in bed, gazing without sight at the ceiling above me. I smiled fondly at the memory that would stay with me forever. Cuddled up against my arm, Jojo's purring would have easily distracted me from my thoughts. But not tonight. I seemed absent from the world as I contemplated the friendship I had with Trase. I didn't know if he saw me as a friend, but I certainly saw him as one of mine. If he didn't now, then maybe he would later as we got to know each other better. When I sought a friend, I guess I was looking for one in Jared. But I knew I had found one in Trase; whenever I'm around him I feel as if he likes me for who I am, and he brings out the real me that got lost somewhere when depression settled in. But somehow he was able to find my old self and as much as I wanted it to stay concealed, it seemed impossible to hide behind a lie around him. With Jared I don't get that feeling. Which is why - and this decision came as I thought long in hard well into the night - I decided I wouldn't sit with Jared and his gang at lunch. If my new friendship with Trase was real, then I wanted to put my all into building it up. I only hoped he would want to do the same.