Sea Wolves

I walked in silence beside Trase, my eyes downcast as I struggled to hold in the overwhelming emotions bubbling in my chest. Trase was very careful not to look at me; he seemed distracted by his study of all the houses we passed by, although I knew they were too familiar to him to be interesting anymore. Walking down the sidewalk as tense and quiet as if we were two strangers, I was sure I had never felt this uncomfortable in my life.

I expected he would walk me back to my house now, maybe somehow convey a small apology through sign language or text before he left me standing on my porch. Then what would happen? I would run into my room, sobbing like a girl who just got dumped? Would I ever have the courage to face Trase again? I doubted he would ever want to see me again after today, having learned that I was a cutter. Trying to accept that Trase probably wouldn't have anything to do with me was painful, but I think the real pain and fear came from not knowing what Trase was actually thinking about me right now.

Suddenly he bumped my arm. I could feel a small tingle of anticipation crawling up my spine, and a sense of dread overcoming me. Would he break the news to me now? I could just imagine his words. Megan... I'm sorry, but I can't be friends with a girl who self-harms. It's just not... cool. Maybe you could hang out with some other crowd? One that can relate to you. I found that my eyes were moist.

Trase started signing. I tried to focus on his fingers through my blurred vision. He held each letter for a couple seconds, giving me time to read it. S-O-R-R-Y. I swallowed the lump in my throat in an attempt to find my voice. I was reluctant to look at him for fear that he would see I had been crying, but I knew he was probably waiting for a response. I let my black hair fall over my face as I quickly wiped away my tears with my sleeve as well as any bleeding mascara. Finally I faced him to find a gentle softness in his eyes as he stared back at me, the slightest trace of a smile turning up the corners of his lips. Inside, I melted.

"It's okay." My voice was a hoarse whisper. I wanted to say more to reassure him, but I realized that if I did I would probably choke up. I could only offer Trase a small smile, hoping that he would know I had forgiven him.

We were just nearing his house now. Trase slowly retrieved the blackberry from his pocket and began typing. Do you still want to stop by? I understand if you don't... you could always come over another time.

"No, I'm fine... I mean, I'm not really doing anything anyway." I wiped my sleeve across my eyes in a poor attempt to clean myself up, sniffling a little to clear my airways. Truthfully, I felt pathetic all choked up like this, but I really was eager to see what Trase's family was like. And today was a great day because my parents weren't around.

Are you sure?

"Yeah. I'm sure."

We approached the porch. I admired the little flower garden for a brief moment before following Trase up the steps to the front door. I made one last effort to make myself presentable before we stepped inside. Almost at once, a ginger-colored golden retriever bounded up to greet us, whining excitedly and wagging her tail. Trase instantly kneeled down to embrace the energetic dog. At the same time he started typing on his blackberry with one hand while trying to keep the retriever from bathing his face with her tongue. I tried to read the message written on the screen as he held the phone above his head. Her name's Aspen. Sorry if you don't like dogs, but this one is pretty much unavoidable. Aspen tumbled over Trase in order to get to me, and soon my hand was wet with her loveable kisses. Trase eventually shooed her away as we began moving through the house.

I could hear a clamor coming from what I guessed was the kitchen. The room was visible from the front door; I could see an assortment of kitchen utensils laid out on the counter, and a woman with Trase's same hair color moving around the room. She apparently had heard me too. She came to stand in the entry way, giving me a friendly smile. "Who is this, Trase?" Her voice was soft and composed.

Trase started signing, his hands moving a lot faster and more fluently than when he and I practiced at school. I tried to keep my focus on the woman rather than try to make out what Trase was telling her. When I did glance his way I saw him spell my name. Then he turned to me and typed on his blackberry, This is my mom.

"It's nice meeting you, Megan," Mrs. Baker said as she approached me with her hand extended. I shook it with a polite smile, feeling horribly awkward and messy. I had forgotten Trase had said his family would be home today. If Mrs. Baker noticed my unease, she didn't show it. Instead she went on warmly, "Well, I'll let you get on with the tour. Will you stay for dinner?"

"Oh... dinner?" I thought for a moment. I was pretty sure my parents would be out dining in town tonight, and I would have to settle for some crappy TV dinner. Hmm. TV dinner, or a meal at the Bakers? "I'd love to stay for dinner, if that's okay."

"Of course it's okay," Mrs. Baker said as she was heading back to the kitchen. "I hope you like lasagna!"

Trase looked at me with a smile. "She's really nice," I commented, watching Mrs. Baker as she disappeared into the kitchen. We moved into the living room, Aspen following at our heels. The room was spacious, and it opened up into the kitchen. Mrs. Baker smiled at us when we entered. A large leather couch occupied the center of the room, facing an impressive flat screen TV and a fancy looking electric fireplace. The flooring was all hard wood, except for a large rug the couch sat on. On the mantel of the fireplace stood a collection of framed pictures; I wanted to look at them, but decided it would be better if I did it later when everyone was busy with something else.

The dining room was also connected to the kitchen and the living room. Where the mahogany table was, the walls angled out more. Three large windows surrounding one side of the table provided a great view of the green backyard. I noticed a stone path leading to a cute gazebo off to one side of the yard, and in the background loomed many tall trees. I wondered if it was a forest.

As I was looking out the windows admiring the gazebo, I heard footsteps coming from around the corner where the front door was. I turned in time to see a young girl, possibly seven or eight years old, fly into the room, her long golden hair whipping back behind her shoulders. She was running at Trase, who was standing by the dining table, when she noticed me and halted. Her delight in seeing her older brother seemed to have vanished as she looked me over shyly. Trase started signing and then motioned for her to come over. She obeyed and quietly stood before me. I felt as uneasy as she did.

"Hi..." the little girl greeted shyly with Trase's encouragement. When she didn't continue, Trase bent down and whispered something in her ear. I didn't hear what he said, but just witnessing him speaking surprised me. Of course Trase can talk, Meg. He's not entirely mute. I inwardly scolded myself for being so clueless. "I'm Molly," the eight-year-old finally finished. Trase straightened again and put his hands on her shoulders, grinning down at her approvingly.

"Molly, Megan's going to be staying over for dinner," Mrs. Baker called from over the kitchen counter. "Is that alright with you?" Molly nodded slowly, a tiny smile gracing her pink lips.

"Nice to meet you, Molly," I attempted, hoping she would warm up to me a little bit more. Molly looked up at me, that small smile getting a little bigger. "Nice to meet you too," she said, before silently excusing herself from her brother's grasp and walking out of the room.

She's a little shy, Trase explained on his blackberry. But she warms up quickly. Once you get to know her you'll find she's actually quite a little chatter box. I bet you'll handle that better than I can, seeing as you're both girls and you can relate to each other.

I giggled at Trase's comment as we continued the rest of the tour. "Dinner will be ready in twenty minutes, you two," Mrs. Baker informed us before we left the room.