Sea Wolves

When I parked my car in the high school’s parking lot the next day, I gathered my things somewhat eagerly from where I had set them in the seat beside me. Last night after school was uneventful, as usual. I tackled my homework and was done by 8:00, then I listened to music in my bedroom for a little while, and after that a movie - unfortunately I was too exhausted to remember what I had watched after watching it, and even now I couldn't remember what it had been. That doesn't normally happen. But lately my nights are restless and I haven't been getting a lot of sleep. I guess that's one of depression's other symptoms. But I didn't care. Today I was (admittedly) excited to see Trase again.

I made my way across the lawn and went straight to my locker upon entering the school. The halls weren't too crowded, so I got there easier than usual. I let my backpack slide to the floor as I worked the combination to my locker; as I did so I felt a presence beside me. I looked up to find Jared standing close by, just now opening his locker. Why didn't I hear him coming? I glanced his way, and our eyes met. He smiled.

"Hey, I'll see you in History." Jared's smooth voice flowed through my ears like honey. I wondered if he would walk with me to the classroom this time. But instead he slammed his locker shut, turned, and walked away like he did the first day I had met him. Alright. Scratch that. He wasn't going to walk me there. But inside, I forgave him.

It was hard for me to sit still as soon as US History began. For one, I could feel Jared's eyes on me the entire time, and I became so uncomfortable that I swear I was squirming in my seat. Trase's interpreter was up at the front of the classroom with Mrs. Cobb again; I studied the hand motions while listening to Mrs. Cobb speak, trying to match the signs with what she was saying. Trase was seated at a desk more to the front of the room. When I wasn't watching his interpreter, I tried to keep my eyes off of him, but in the end it became impossible so I gave up and stared at his back.

The rest of my classes became a blur. I was in and out of them so fast that I soon couldn't keep track of which one I had next. My thoughts were on what it would be like when the lunch period came around. I hoped Trase would allow me to sit with him again. I mean, he probably would, but sometimes I just get the feeling that I'm... unwanted. Like I was too uninteresting for him. But then I remembered the way we laughed, and my fears vanished in an instant.

I passed him a couple times in the hallway on the way to my next class. He smiled at me once and waved a little another time, and I was even more reassured. In art class we were too focused on our watercolor project to exchange words, but I told myself to be patient and wait until lunch. Then we could talk.

As I headed to PE, I scanned the crowd in search of him, which ended without any luck. He's probably in his other class by now, I thought. But when the bell rang to announce the lunch period, I still didn't see him in the halls. I was starting to feel disappointed. Jesus, Megan! He's in the cafeteria already! He just got there a little early and you didn't see him.
When I made it past the crowds to the cafeteria, the first thing my eyes went to was the table we had sat at yesterday. And It was empty. Disheartened, I slowly made my way to the table and plopped down in one of the chairs. Maybe he was in the restroom? Or he had to run to his car to get something? Whatever he was doing, I reassured myself that he was here. I had seen him more than once. My spirits lifted at this, and I pulled out my lunch to nibble on it while I waited for him to show up.

Twenty minutes passed by without any sighting of Trase. I checked the time on my ipod, putting the music I was listening to on hold in order to do so. A soft, dejected sigh left my lips, and my heart finally sank to its lowest. I punished myself inwardly for getting too eager and hopeful; of course something would always ruin my high spirits. Didn't I know that? It's happened before. I should have been more cautious. But then, a tiny voice inside comforted, it wasn't anyone's fault that Trase was suddenly absent. I couldn't blame myself for everything gone wrong. And yet these days it was so easy that I guess it just became a habit for me to put myself down.

As the music blared loudly in my ears, I half-heartedly crumpled the paper bag I had brought my lunch in into a ball and tossed it carelessly on the table. My eyes suddenly met Jared's from all the way across the room - he was staring at me with a gentle, knowing expression. I looked away quickly, feeling the color rise in my cheeks. Why was he looking at me like that? Did he somehow find out about my situation? Was the disappointment from Trase not coming to join me really that obvious? Then there was the sound of a chair squealing as it was pushed back. I stiffened when I looked for the source of the noise, only to see Jared coming towards my table. The majority of those present in the cafeteria fell hushed as all eyes turned to me. I could feel the tension, the haughtiness, the jealousy from the girl's table as this boy, seemingly idolized by every female and looked up to by every male, lowered himself this much to approach me, who was practically nothing but a friendless loner girl compared to them. This was one of those times where you felt like sinking into the ground, or becoming invisible so no one would notice you. That's certainly how I felt then.

"Hi..." I said as Jared gracefully slipped into one of the unoccupied chairs. The buzz of conversation picked up in the cafeteria once again, but I could still feel the tension hanging heavy around us. Glancing at the girl's table, I received snobbish looks and glares. Except for Lillian, who was watching curiously.

"Hi," Jared returned. I didn't have to wait long to find out what he wanted to say to me; he got right to the point. "Listen - don't feel like you have to sit with Baker every day. You're welcome at our table. None of the boys would mind having you with us." He smiled, topping the offer.

It took me a moment to realize that he was referring to Trase. "Oh... okay. Um, thanks for the offer. I'll think about it," was all I could say. Jared leaned in closer, lowering his voice.

"Baker can do that sometimes. He'll be here for a couple of hours, then he ditches. Sorry he disappointed you." Jared paused to let his words sink in. Then he stood as if to return to his table. "I wouldn't get your hopes high for him next time," he added before walking away.

My emotions became a turmoil. I didn't know whether to receive this invitation with gratitude and pleasantness or bewilderment. I was glad that Jared hadn't waited for my reaction, because I'm sure it would have been startling. I stared after him incredulously as he took his seat at the guy's table, his friends immediately leaning in to question him about the encounter with me. I was confused, flattered, surprised (more like shocked), and frustrated. Although part of me wanted to graciously accept Jared's offer to join him at his table - and possibly gain popularity by doing so - I was irritated by what he had said about Trase. I wouldn't get your hopes high for him next time. My mind replayed the words, letting them feed my frustration. But then I was confused, and I reasoned with myself that I really didn't know Trase that well. Hell, we had only met yesterday! What if Jared was right about him ditching class?

Before I could come to a resolve, the bell rang shrilly and I was forced to gather my things and head to my next class. The rest of the day passed uneventful. I was careful to avoid eye-contact with Jared whenever I saw him. When school ended, I drove away with a heavy heart and troubled mind.