Sea Wolves

I emerged from the driver's seat and took a deep inhale of the salty Washington air, as if it had been sucked out of my car and now I could finally breathe again. I slammed the door a little too roughly as I went around and grabbed my backpack from the passenger seat, shutting that door hard as well. It felt like a dark, depressing cloud was looming formidably over my heart without the intention of leaving any time soon. But what had put me in this emotional state? No, it wasn't Trase. I think it must have been Jared, and how he had confronted me during lunch. At first I actually had been a little flattered, but as I turned our conversation over in my head during the rest of school, it started to take on a dark outlook as I wrestled to come to a decision. Now I was too mentally exhausted to think about the offer anymore, and it had put me in a sour mood. Right now I just wanted to curl up and nap my depression away.

But I would soon learn that wouldn't be a possibility. As I approached my front door, I could hear animated chatter drifting from the kitchen. I could almost feel the weight of an anvil crushing me. Grandma Nora... Of all the other times she could have come over, it had to be today. When I was feeling like shit.

Putting on a cheerful expression that masked the pain I was feeling, I stepped through the door. "Megan!" Grandma Nora's lively voice greeted me instantly. She hurried to me with her arms outstretched, and I knew she was expecting a hug. Her fluffy white hair bounced with her movement, distracting me for a second.

"Grandma!" My arms unwillingly embraced her, and a fake smile graced my lips. My parents looked on approvingly. "I didn't know you were here. Your car wasn't outside," I said as we pulled away. The smell of heavy perfume hung in the air around me - I tried not to choke.

"Oh! My car's in the shop. John drove me here." Grandma Nora looked over her shoulder at my dad, a pleasant smile on her face. "He's such a dear! But enough about that. I want you to tell me how school has been going for you! Here, take a seat." She motioned for me to join her at the kitchen table.

The next thirty minutes was spent sharing my account of the few days I had been at school. Of course I buttered it up and left out a ton of details that I knew wouldn't please Nora and my parents. I made up some of the students, giving them a perfect character and lying about how friendly they were to me. When in truth just about all the girls hated my guts, one of the guys was freakishly possessive over me, and I was already being labeled an emo and a cutter. I purposefully left out Trase. I didn't even know if I could call him my friend, and the last thing I wanted was my family pestering me about him.

When I finished my narrative, Grandma Nora nodded in satisfaction. My parents glanced at each other, clearly happy that Nora seemed to approve of my school. "It sounds like a wonderful place!" she exclaimed with a broad grin. "And how is the education?" I told her it was excellent, which pleased her even more.

"I knew Forks High School was a good choice. It seems to me like it's a better school for you than the one you attended back in San Diego. And you look better already! Getting over your friend's death wasn't so had for you, was it?" She looked at me expectantly.

My whole body went rigid. Under the table, my fist clenched into a ball, my fingernails digging so hard into my skin that I was sure they were bleeding. I felt like I could scream, but miraculously I was able to hold my tongue as I stood from the table. "Thank you for the car," were the only words I could spit out, my voice like ice. Before they knew what hit them I was out the front door, slamming it so hard behind me that I could hear a picture from inside fall off the wall and hit the floor with a bang.

I took the keys from my pocket, slipped inside my car, and started the engine. Just as I was pulling away, my dad flew out the door and stared after me fiercely from the porch. I eyed him from my rear view mirror as I sped down the street, his expression still in my mind even after I had looked away and exited the neighborhood.

I didn't know where I would go. I just knew I needed to get away. My Grandma had done the worst thing possible in mentioning Amy. Back at the house, the urge to scream and throw the worst tantrum in the universe, to prove them all wrong and let them see the battle raging in me every single hour of the day, had been too strong. I almost did it. But then what would they have done? Would they have put me in counseling or through some other shit like that? Not that they could if they wanted to. I was ready to fight tooth in nail before they did that. I could take care of myself. Besides, I was certain no one could help me...

She had no right to bring up Amy. Didn't she know that would have an effect on me? How could she have been so heartless? Damn them. Of course she was like that. My parents were exactly the same. They were uncaring, selfish, and the saddest excuse for a family. They cared only about themselves. Not me. I was on my own.

I flew down the highway, simmering with anger. Ahead of me I was just beginning to see the ocean. Acting quickly, I took the next exit and drove toward it. I knew the beach would be a peaceful place for me to get the rest of my rage out, as long as it wasn't crowded. If it was, I would try to find a secluded place to myself. I didn't want anyone to bother me.

Parking my car in the designated area, I stepped out to meet a chilly, salt water-scented breeze smack me in the face. Despite the overcast evening, a handful of people were down on the beach. I scanned the shore, hoping to find a place where no one would be around. To my right I spotted a massive cliff covered in lush green grass overlooking the ocean and far above the beach. Hugging my arms, I trudged up the hill towards it.

The view was spectacular. Although I was short of breath and numbed with cold from the climb, it was totally worth it. My gaze captive to the amazing gray ocean stretched before me, I sat down cross-legged in the grass. My eyes traveled along the horizon, but I couldn't find the end. A silence hung around me, except for the breeze blowing in my ears. It wasn't long before my thoughts seized me up in their grasp, and the beauty of the ocean was forgotten. Depressing thoughts swirled in my head, making my heart heavy. Tears were threatening to break, and I couldn't hold them back. Finally I caved. As uncontrollable sobs racked my body, I pounded the ground with my fists and muttered silent curses. I hated my parents. I hated being here. I hated myself. I hated everything... and everything hated me.

Trase didn't hate you. I tried to hold on to that little piece of comfort. But it was futile; in an instant my cruel mind had warped it into something else. I bet he did hate me. He was forced to be nice to me because I was sitting with him. Next time he'll probably do whatever it takes to avoid me. That's why he ditched school today. He didn't want to see me.

I wondered if there even would be a next time. Through my tears I looked at the edge of the cliff before me. Why didn't I just end it all now? No one would miss me. No one was here to miss me anymore. Amy would have missed me, but she was gone. I hoped she didn't mind if I joined her, though.

Just then a light caught my eye. Wiping away the tears mixed with bleeding mascara, I found myself looking over the ocean at a glorious stream of glittering sunlight in the distance. As the clouds broke, more light flooded the sky. I stared, my heart suddenly feeling a little lighter. And as if that wasn't enough to comfort me, a strange sound drifted across the vast water. It was like a song, but the instruments were unfamiliar. The sounds reached high notes, almost like a dozen flutes being played under water. They were soft and soothing. Suddenly it hit me. Whales!

I gazed at the glorious new view and listened to the singing whales for a long time, allowing it too calm me down and vanquish my previous suicidal thoughts. I felt a sudden appreciation for the world I lived in, which was something I never paid much attention to anymore. By the time the sun had set and the melody of the sea had faded, I got up and went back to my car. The dark cloud over my heart had been lifted.