Dude Looks Like a Lady

I was staring at the kitchen door, which Mikey had shut behind him and Gerard as I thought out my thoughts for the Way brothers. The door was plain wood, and so there was nothing to distract my thoughts. My frown was one of concentration; I was fully pursuing my thoughts rather than chasing them half way down a route and then turning away from them. My attention span was critically poor, and it cost a lot to continue a thought for as long as I could.

Frank’s voice interrupted my thoughts. “It’s just Brotherly Love, Lou.”

“Is it though?” I mumbled, more to myself shaking my head as if to remove the thoughts from my head. I turn to Frank, my gaze resting on him, but just as blankly as it was when I was gazing at the door. “I don’t want them fighting because of me. I’m not worth what they have.”

Frank pushed his chair out from under him and strode round the bar, he grasped my hands in a tight clasp, “Don’t you dare say that again. Especially in Mikey’s hearing! You are worth a lot to Mikey. You promise me you won’t say that again!”

“Let go, Frank.” I tell him twisting my hands.

“Promise!”

“Frank, let go!” I twist my fingers into claws, and scratch at his soft palms.

“Promise me!”

“Frank – I have nothing to promise you.” I gave up my struggle; I could see when I’d
lost a fight.

“You have to promise me that you won’t ever say you aren’t worth something.” He repeated. He looked at my blank gaze and dropped one hand, to clasp my wrists in one of his hands. “Are you even listening to me?” He waved his free hand in front of my nose. “Lou?” He waved it more fervently. Giving up he pinched my nose.

“Ow!” I focused on him, “Yes?”

“Promise me!”

“I promise.” I tell him, not having the faintest clue as to what I’m promising. He drops my wrists and backs away to his chair.

Mikey re – enters the kitchen, “You could cut the tension in here with a knife! Jeez, what have you two been doing?”

I look at Mikey and smile, “Discussing your relationship with Gerard. Have I spoilt it? I didn’t want to… it was just…” I trail off as Mikey snatches me into a hug.

“I know you didn’t. It’s ok. Gee and I fight sometimes. Not very often, admittedly. That makes it all the worse when we do, I guess. Gee just needs to grow up and realise that I can love him and someone else, because the love is very separate and very different.” He mumbles gently into my ear, as my head rests on his shoulder.

I nod slowly, frowning, “Was he like this with Alicia?”

Mikey shakes his head, “He didn’t reckon I was stable enough to love then, and he could see from our position on the floor that I’m learning to love you.”

I look up at him, my eyes focusing properly for the first time after he left. I know that the over – riding emotion in my eyes would be hope and love. He drops his head and kisses me softly. As he pulls away I look up into his eyes, and see the answer to my unanswered question.

He wasn’t just giving me wanted to hear. He was being truthful. He was learning to love me. And he was enjoying it.

I smiled and stood on tiptoes, to kiss him gently. My grin so big it could split my face in two. We kiss softly for a moment or two. I pull away.

“I was so worried that I had ruined your relationship with Gerard. I’m not…” I stop. A faint memory of something flickered into my mind. I looked at Frank, confused. His glare reminding me of something, I couldn’t place.

“Promise!” He mouthed at me. Something stirred in my mind. I frowned, my eyes clouding over.

Mikey nudged me, “You’re not what, Lou? What’s wrong?” He demanded of me, demanding impatiently. He had to know. He turned to Frank “Frank! What’s happened to her?”

“I made a promise not to say something. Something I was going to say to you. I can’t remember what I promised though.” I mumble, as if in a trance.

Mikey looks at me and then at Frank. He recognises that pushing me for information would be pointless; I was too lost in my thoughts. He turned to Frank, “What promise?”

“She promised not to say she was unworthy.” Frank mumbled into his coffee.

Mikey turned to me, “You? Unworthy?” he gathered me to him roughly, “To me you are worth more than my life. Without you there is nothing. I am nothing. You are my worth.” I look up at him.

“Don’t say that. I couldn’t handle that. If I failed, as I already have…” I trail off. He catches my chin in his fingers.

“You haven’t failed.” He forced my chin up. I closed my eyes, to stop the tears from spilling their banks, “You haven’t failed.” He repeated himself.

“If I haven’t failed then it’s simply because I haven’t even started.” I tell him. My eyes still shut.

“So start.” He whispers gently to my ears.