Dude Looks Like a Lady

Yeah, well that hope turned to shit. I was woken at nine am by the door bell. I rolled over and snuggled closer to Mikey. Piss Off floated through my brain as I sank back into sleep.

The telepathic message was ignored, some helpful person (turned out to be Donna) knocked on our bedroom door. “I’m sorry to wake you, love. Your parents are here. I left them playing with Lizzie. Donald and I were looking after her, letting you sleep in as long as you needed. But they turned up about ten minutes ago and they demand to see you before everyone else wakes up.”

I groan and roll over to swing my legs out of bed. She hands me my dressing gown and my slippers. I run a hand through my bob and smile sweetly at her. “Thanks. I was thinking about them on Christmas Eve. How they’d not contacted me after the wedding. Then again, I never contacted them and that will be thrown at me. I’m not sure I even sent them a damn card.” I stand up stretching my back and resting my hands on my baby bump after tying the dressing gown in a loose bow over the bump and slipping my feet into my new slippers. “Thank you so much, Donna.”

She shrugs and leads me downstairs. “It’s fine dear, you make my baby so happy. And you’re producing such beautiful children.”

“Two is more than enough at the moment.” I tell her, smiling slightly.

She nods, “I sure as hell would council you against anymore. Two was hard enough with two parents around most of the time. I think it’s incredible you want two when it’s more like one and a half parents.”

I shake my head, “Much as I love Lizzie and UB neither were planned. They’ve just happened.”

“UB?” My mother asks, joining our conversation, my father playing with Lizzie and looking very proud.

“She’s beautiful, love.”

“Morning Daddy, Mummy. It’s great to see you guys again. Morning baby.” I say, crouching slowly to Lizzie’s height where she immediately shuffles over and slings her arms round my neck.

“’Orning Mommy.” She gurgles to me.

I smile and press a kiss to her head, “UB stands for UnBorn.”

My mother rolls her eyes, “You don’t tell us about your first baby and now you’re producing a further one? And where’s your husband?”

“I didn’t plan either child – as you must have overheard to question about UB. Mikey’s sleeping.” I answer her, checking that Lizzie had been fed. Donna and Donald had been stars, feeding her, changing her, bathing her and dressing her. They were welcome to her more often!

“Cathy leave her alone. We didn’t come to bother her. Simply to say “hi”. I mean, we were over here for other business and decided spur of the moment to come and visit you, love. We’ve been trying to give you space to grow up and such.” My father adds to the awkward air.

“Well, you’ve certainly given me space. I’ve grown up lots too. But, now you’re seen that I’m fine and that I’m producing many grand children don’t you guys have a flight home or something?” I ask, heading into the kitchen to get myself and UB something to eat.

“Well, we do at 2. We thought you wouldn’t mind…”My dad trails off.

“My house is full to bursting with people. If you’d phoned rather than just turned up you’d have known this ‘cos I could have told you.”

“Because, Lou, not ‘cos.” My mother corrects.

I round on her, “Get out.” I point at the front door. “Clear off. You’ve wanted to give me space. I need some more.”

She nods her stiff neck and leaves, dragging my dad with her. “Lou?” My dad questions, cocking his head to one side.

“I’m sorry, Daddy. I just can’t deal with this now. I’m tired, stretched too far and pregnant. Maybe next year sometime you can visit us. You know I don’t do surprises. It’s been great to see you, Daddy. Really great.” I kiss his cheek and nod at my mother. “Say goodbye to your grandparents, Lizzie.”

Lizzie waves and mumbles, “G’bye, gdaddy.” Dad smiles and presses a kiss to her forehead.

“Goodbye, darlings.” He turns to the car and leaves, my Mother already in the damn tin box. I shut the door, blindly pass Lizzie to someone by my side and turn towards the garden to be by myself for a bit.

I hated turning my parents away, I loved them both dearly. I couldn’t handle my Mother’s constant disappointment in me. I never could do anything right and she made sure she told me that. Constantly. Daddy never wanted more than my happiness from me. Was it so bad to say I preferred my Dad to my Mother? It was never idolisation, I knew my Dad had faults (he let Mother walk all over him) but he was much easier to get on with than Mother.

This Boxing Day surprise, sucked. Big time.