Hey, Darling.

For the next four days, I was a hermit. I stayed in the house, watching Ace of Cakes and Emeril Green reruns until I was convinced that I either wanted to own a bakery or become a personal chef. I wore nothing but basketball shorts and American Apparel v-necks in assorted colors.

My grandmother had even noticed something was wrong.

“What’s wrong with you?” she asked suspiciously. “You’re not doing drugs, are you?”

A happier version of Molly probably would have laughed, but in my current state I just shook my head, attempting to hide my morose mood if only just for a second.

“Nothing’s wrong,” I attempted to lie convincingly. “I just want to enjoy summer in the usual bum way that teenagers enjoy.”

She didn’t buy it. I could tell by the way she rose her eyebrows so high they disappeared into her hairline. She didn’t push it, though. Maybe she didn’t care enough. Maybe she knew I wouldn’t budge. Maybe she was actually being considerate.

I didn’t care about her reasoning as long as she left it alone.

Mia was an entirely different story. The first day, she was understanding. She hugged me and bought me cookie dough. She cooed in my ear about how pretty I was and how much of an asshat Kennedy was. The second day she was still understanding but put in the occasional comment about how I couldn’t let a guy get me down. By the third day, she was barely understanding. She just kept telling me that I needed to get up, move on, and show Kennedy how much of a jerk he actually is. How, exactly? Dressing up, going to some party/show thing that was going on that night, and make him miss me. To say the least, I declined. Now, the fourth day, she wasn’t understanding. At all.

“Molly, get your ass up.” She demanded, hand on her hip for emphasis. “You have got to get out of this funk.”

“Funk?” I asked her, laughing a little. But just a little. “Have you been watching too many bad ‘60s movies?”

She just glared at me.

“You’re being stupid,” she said. “You’re the one bitching about how you don’t care about anything he says and how he doesn’t matter but you’re still slumping around and sulking. Obviously, it fucking does matter.”

I inwardly cringed. Yes, I was being a hypocrite. I hated that, but I couldn’t stop the way I felt. I was being childish. That much, I acknowledged. I didn’t know, however, how to change that.

“Just leave me alone,” I told her, and I could feel my bottom lip jutting forward in the infamous pout. I then pouted more because I did, in fact, hate the way I was acting. If I was Mia I probably would have bitch-slapped me already.

“No.” She stood her ground. “You’ve gotta stop being such a whiny bitch! So he called you fat - no, he didn’t even say that! He implied that you were fat. Well, fuck him! Put on some sexy little dress and prove him that he’s wrong.”

“I don’t wanna,” was my oh so intelligent reply.

“I don’t care. I’m not going to give up. I’m going to bug you every minute until you agree to go.” She glared at me. I didn’t have the courage to glare back.

“Fine.” I huffed. “But I’m not gonna budge.”

Mia just shrugged.

Seventeen minutes later, I budged. I glared at her so hard my face hurt as I followed her up the stairs. She pulled me into the room and started towards the closet. She was rummaging through some of the stuff we had gotten at the thrift store. She had the bathing suit in one hand and this floral cover-up in the other.

She started shoving it towards me but I shook my head.

“You’re lucky I’m going,” I hissed. “I’ll wear whatever the fuck I want.”

Mia just rolled her eyes at me but she didn’t fight. I grabbed a few things from the dresser. I slipped on my favorite pair of skinnies , a gray v-neck and slid my feet into my beloved moccasins.

Fuck you, fashion, I said to myself. I don’t need you anymore.

Mia rolled her eyes at me the second I stepped out of the bathroom.

“You’re going to fucking burn up,” she told me, and I could hear the smugness laced in her words.

I shrugged. She sighed. I grabbed my bag and followed her out the door. John was there, as always. He looked a little surprised to see me.

He kissed Mia on the mouth (so they were together…) and smiled at me. “I didn’t think you’d come.” He said.

“I wasn’t planning on it but persistent bitch other there wouldn’t leave me alone.” My voice sounded really hostile. I kind of surprised myself there.

Mia just smiled innocently at me. I kept back every biting insult that was on the tip of my tongue.
I didn’t need to be mean. Just because I didn’t want to be here didn’t mean I had to make everyone else’s time suck.

Yeah, right.

The second I got out of the car, it was like everyone was looking at me. They probably weren’t, and I was just being paranoid, but it sure felt like it. I tugged on Mia’s arm and asked her to explain with one glance.

“They’re trying to figure out if you’re you,” she told me, making me trail behind her as she followed John.

“Why?”

“’Cause you’re the reason why Garrett and Kennedy got into it. And the reason Kennedy’s got a nasty shiner.” She shrugged it off, as if this was not big news.

It was.

“What?” I asked, my voice louder than I would have liked. “He punched him?”

“More of less,” Mia said. “Though John so eloquently described it as, ‘Garrett beat the fuck out of Kennedy. Bashed his fucking face in.’ I found it kind of amusing.”

I stopped breathing. And then I realized that I stopped breathing and took a deep breath of air, which was kind of hard to swallow.

“But…why?” I think I made myself sound really stupid.

“Because Kennedy was a dick to you. And I think Garrett has this whole protective thing going on because he thinks you’re delicate and fragile and basically a kitten.”

Her explanation was not making sense. I kept on blinking, hoping that every time I closed me eyes something different would have happened or I would understand the way a male’s mind worked.

Twenty-two blinks later and I was still coming up blank.

“That’s stupid.” I said finally.

“Yeah, it is, but they’re guys, so that’s how they operate.”

I felt defeated. I didn’t know what to do. There was a part of me that was mad at Garrett - why did he have to go and make a big deal out of it? That would just make Kennedy hate me even more.

The second those words entered my brain I felt bad. I was being ungrateful again. This guy had just beaten up one of his friends for me and all I was worried about was how Kennedy was going to react.

Fuck Kennedy! I felt the anger rage through me as I thought about the boy, the way he had been mean to me. What did I care what he thought? He didn’t matter.

I watched as Mia waved bye to me, her hand laced in John’s as she followed him to kitchen.

I felt my anger flare at her too. Who was she, to drag me to a party again my will, and then leave me? What kind of sister was that?

Soon I was just angry at everything. I stood at the corner of the living room, rage inside of me. This was kind of like the party that started it all, but it was smaller, and it seemed more like a get together than an actual party. People were casting me glances as I stood there, absorbed in my own little world.

Soon, I decided I wanted a drink. Non-alcoholic, of course.

I made my way to the kitchen slowly. There were groups of people in there, talking and laughing. I spotted Garrett immediately. I felt bad, but I wanted to duck. I didn’t want to see him right now.

Luck was not on my side, however, because he approached me just as I was pulling a water bottle from the cooler.

“Hey,” he greeted, and as I turned to look at him he stepped closer to me and wrapped his arms around me. I felt awkward for a second, not exactly sure what to do. Finally I settled for wrapping my arms around him too.

He felt nice. He was warm and cozy and he entire body seemed to wrap around me. I felt really small in his arms. Just like Mia had described what he thought of me - delicate and fragile. We stood there for a second, his arms wrapped around me.

“Thanks,” I finally whispered into his chest. “for um, talking to Kennedy, I guess…”

I heard him chuckle by my ear and then he pulled back. He was still standing really close to me, even though we weren’t wrapped together. I uncapped my water bottle as he opened his mouth and I took a sip as he talked.

“I just told him to stop being a dick. And then, of course, he started being a dick. I didn’t mean to hit him. I’m kinda sorry about that.” He smiled at me, and I sort of smiled back.

“Violence is never the answer,” I repeated to him the same words that my vice-principal used to tell us in middle school. “It solves nothing and makes situations worse.”

Garrett laughed but agreed. “That’s true, but my anger got the best of me.”

I nodded at him, understanding. “Thanks, I guess. I don’t want to cause problems between you and your friend, though.”

Garrett just shook his head vehemently. “Nah,” he said. “Kennedy and I are cool now. I wouldn’t be surprised if he apologized to you tonight. I think it just took a couple of punches for him to realize that he was acting stupid.”

I nodded again. I didn’t know what else to say.

“Well, I’m gonna go…outside, I think.” I said, eyeing the backdoor. There was a pool out there, with a couple people swimming and a few girls tanning, lying on their backs with their swim-suit’s untied.

Garrett nodded. “Okay, I’ll see you later.”

He smiled at me and I smiled back. I think he was going to give me another hug but I was already heading towards the door. I felt awkward but bad at the same time. I felt like I owed him something - my time, maybe - but I didn’t really want to be that close to him.

I wanted to be by myself.

I pulled my cell phone out of my pocket and checked the time - it was six-thirty and the sun was still out, though it seemed to be getting lower in the sky every minute. I grasped my water bottle in my hand tightly as I tried to find a place to sit.

This was a different house than last time, and the backyard wasn’t so big. I walked passed the pool towards the yard, where there were a few trees scattered about. I found a big one and sat on the backside of it, underneath the shade. It was cooler under here.

Mia was right. In my jeans, I was dying. I slipped off my moccasins slowly, letting my toes feel the lush grass. I crossed my legs Indian style and pulled my book out of my bag. I was currently reading a teen fiction author, Libba Bray, and the book was thick and interesting. I cracked it open, found my page, and started reading.

I felt lame, reading a book at a get together. Mia had told me I had to come, though. She never said anything about socializing.

It was getting darker, and I had already read fifty pages, when someone sat down next to me.

“Hello,” I greeted happily, wanting to finish the last sentence before closing my book. I assumed it was Garrett.

As I closed my book and looked up, I sighed. My heart didn’t even jump.

This felt strangely like déjà vu.

Kennedy sat next to me and smiled. I could smell the alcohol from where I was sitting.
“Hey,” he said. He didn’t sound that drunk, though. He sounded maybe tipsy, like he had a couple of beers but then a couple of waters afterwards.

I just sighed again, this time a bit more heavily. I felt awkward. I also sat up straighter, hyper aware of the way my skin bunched together around my tummy when I slouched. I smoothed a hand over the taut flesh, dreading the conversation ahead.

As Kennedy looked over at me, all I could wonder was if he actually thought I was fat.

I hadn’t always been slender. When I was a kid, I was the cute kind of chubby, still holding onto the remains of my baby fat. In middle school I evened out a little, but not much. I was still a bit bigger than the other girls by comparison. I had a little extra on my tummy and my thighs touched when I pushed my knees together. The summer before freshman year, I hit my growth streak. I went from being five foot two to five foot six in a matter of months. I kept my same weight - one hundred and nineteen pounds. I was still the same me, just better distributed.

“Look,” he said, disrupting me from my thoughts. “I didn’t mean what I said before. I was being a jerk off and not thinking.”

I nodded, looking down at my hands. Somehow, I didn’t really believe him.

“I know you think that I’m probably just saying that because Garrett socked the fuck outta me, but I’m not. I actually feel bad. I haven’t been very nice over the past couple of days, and I want to apologize for that. I want to be friends. I think you’re funny and nice and I don’t think you deserve me being an ass to you all the time.” He let out a large breath after he was done talking, and then he looked over at my expectantly.

I barely had the time to nod. “Okay,” I said. “I understand.”

“I was just really confused!” He thundered on. “Because Mia said you like me but then you didn’t want to kiss me and you seemed mad at me when we were at the diner. And I felt really bad because I was being a jerk and the words just kind of seemed to slip out of my mouth before I could stop them. I don’t think you’re fat. You’re not fat at all. You’re perfect. You’re not too skinny but you’re not too big. Not that I have a problem with big girls! Big girls are great! I love a girl with an appetite! And hips! I’ve always been a hip man, lemme tell you, and there are some girls who just have amazing hips…”

I was just staring at him. He was talking really fast and I didn’t really understand what he said. Something about words slipping out and hips.

There was a part of me that almost wanted to kiss him to get him to shut up.

I thought better of it.

“Kennedy?” I interrupted him, and he stopped babbling for a second to look at me.

“Hmm?” He looked up at me, eyes wide. He looked a little drunker than before, and I wondered how exactly that was possible.

“It’s okay,” I told him, and I really had to push myself to make the next words that came out of my mouth an actual truth. “I forgive you.”

He looked so relieved. I remember thinking vaguely that he looked really cute when he was smiling and looking relieved at me. A lot better looking than he did when he was pissing me off and being a jerk.

He didn’t seem so arrogant and condescending anymore.

Maybe Garrett was right - he just needed a couple of punches in the face to straighten out.

“Thank you,” he smiled at me. I smiled back. “Now that you’ve forgiven me, we can be friends. I can fulfill my promise and I can take you everywhere!”

I opened my mouth to try and stop him, to tell him that he didn’t need to fulfill any promises. He didn’t let me get a word in though.

“The circus is coming in town this summer!” He said, and then he started again. “And there’s a water park and playing Hide ‘N Seek in Target and getting a Capitan Crunch Frappuchino from Starbucks…”

He stopped when he noticed that I was staring at him, my mouth slightly ajar. Today had just gotten weirder and weirder. I felt like he was moving a little fast.

Four days ago I was pissed as hell at him, and now he was already forgiven and acting like we were best buds. Time moves fast, huh?

“Before that though, I have to try something,” He decided, and then I got a little nervous as he scooted himself closer.

“What?” I asked him. “What do you have to try to do?”

Kennedy just smirked slyly and shook his head. “I’m not telling. Just stay still.”

I opened my mouth, ready to object, when there was a hand on the side of my face. I swear, my breathing stopped. I was just about to pull back and tell him that this was not a good idea when his lips gingerly touched mine.

He pressed his lips to mine gently, tilting his head to the side as he slowly took my bottom lip between his and started nibbling on it. I blinked, surprised, but then this huge part of me let go and I let my eyes flutter closed.

There was this whole other Molly - the Molly that listened to her heart - that reached her hands up and wrapped them around Kennedy’s neck. This new Molly let her fingers tickle his neck and run through his hair. This new Molly kissed back.

I was just beginning to realize that this new Molly was the exact same person as the old one - just a little bit braver - when I felt Kennedy’s tongue tickle my lips, and this time when he put his tongue in my mouth it wasn’t unpleasant. He wasn’t trying to act like a laundry machine. He traced my teeth delicately, before letting his tongue stroke mine. He was pulling me closer, pressing his chest right up against mine as he kissed me.

It felt really nice. Really, really, really nice.

I was thinking that maybe his drunken kisses weren’t so bad when his mouth pulled away from mine. I braced myself for the apologies and the look of alarm on his face when he realized what he was doing, but there was none. Instead he just kissed my forehead, my cheeks, my nose, before pecking my lips again.

“God, I’ve wanted to do that for forever,” he whispered against my mouth, and my heart beat picked up and I felt like there were seagulls flapping in my chest excitedly, making me all the more nervous.

I didn’t know what to say. I didn’t have time to interrupt though, as he lips were on mine once again. He was doing this little trick with his tongue - slowly touching the little space between my tongue and my lip and then nibbling on my lip at the same time, when there was a shriek.

I expected it to be Mia. Mia yelling at me. Mia telling to “go, girl, you go.” I expected Mia with her teasing and her crude comments.

Except it wasn’t Mia. It was Bonnie, the Brunette, standing there with her hands on her hips as she glared.

“What the hell is going on here!?” She yelled.

Kennedy pulled away quickly, but he didn’t get up. He just stared at me. And then, his eyes closed, and he slumped forward, his entire weight landing on me.

I did nothing but sigh.

Of course, I thought to myself. Because this was how my life was.