I'm Not Okay

Chris dropped me outside my house, then got out of the car to hug me.
"Don't worry S, Sam'll come around. And if he doesn't....I promise you'll always have me...." he whispered.
"Always?" Say goodbye to the vows you take....
"Always."

***

I couldn't sleep. Something felt...wrong. I needed to go and make up with Sam. I texted him;

Are you awake?

He replied in a few seconds;

Yeah. I can't sleep.

I texted back;

Me either. Can I come around?

A few minutes passed, then;

Fine. See you in a bit.

I didn't bother to change out of my pajamas, simply pulling on a hoodie over them. My house was completely silent, apart from the quiet snores of my family. Hopefully, they wouldn't even notice I was gone...and if they did, they were used to me going to Sam's. They wouldn't mind.

***

Chris opened the door.
"Hey, come to try talk Sam out of being an asshole?"
I grin.
"No, I just felt like invading your home at one in the morning."
He smiled for a second, the his expression changed. He hugged me.
"Don't stop if I fall S, and don't look back. Don't stop, bury me, and fade to black." he whispered.
I stared at him.
"....Chris....are you okay?" Say goodbye to the life you make...
"Yeah. Sure, I'm fine, I'm great, I'm..."
He trailed off.
"....Just...good luck trying to talk Sam around and....I love you...."
There's something wrong here, but I can't figure out what it is...

***

"Sam, are you going to talk to me?"
He stayed silent, staring stubbornly at the ceiling.
"All I did was flirt with Gee. I don't see what's so terribly wrog with that. He's married, which means-"
There was a scream, and the sound of someone sobbing. We looked at each other, terrified, then ran to see what had happened.

***

Chris was lying slumped on the floor of his room. His eyes were closed, and he was clearly dead, but I didn't want to believe it. I couldn't.
Because if Chris was dead, why was I still alive?
Weren't you able to die from a broken heart? Say goodbye to the heart you break....
I barely even noticed that I was crying until a tear rolled down my cheek. I wiped it away, but there were more to take its place.
I saw Sam step forward, then his arms were around me and I was sobbing into his shoulder.
"It's okay Scarlett, it's okay. Everythings going to be.....it's all going to be.....we'll make it better...I promise."
His dad was the only one who managed to pull himself together.
"We'll need to tell the-the hospital. To see how he-how he...."
His voice trailed off, not wanting to say it.
I just stayed where I was, wrapped in Sam's arms.

***

Everything was a meaningless jumble of words and faces. Some I knew, others I didn't. Police, ambulance, mum, dad.....Sam. Sam stayed with me the whole time, letting me cry into his shirt, soaking it.
I could feel him shaking. It took me a while to realise he was crying into my hair, still murmuring under his breath, but I wasn't sure who he was reassuring anymore.
A policeman came into the kitchen to talk to the two of us.
"What are your names?"
I looked at him. Why did my name matter? Did I have a name?
Sam answered for me.
"I'm....Sam. And this-this is Scarlett."
The cop nodded.
"And Chris was a sibling to you both?"
"No. He is-was my brother, but Scarlett-she's not related to us-to me-to him."
He nodded again and went on to ask another question, but his voice had changed to a more official tone.
"Who was the last person to speak to Chris?"
Sam started to say something, but I'd just remembered how to speak.
"Me. I talked to Chris last. About an hour ago."
"Was he acting unusual, did he say anything a little....out of the ordinary?"
"He-he said something that was....a-a bit...bizarre for him..."
"And what was that?"
"He said the lyrics to a song."
"What song was it?"
"Hang 'Em High...by-by My Chemical Romance..."
Sam was watching me, obviously playing the song in his head.
"Which lyrics?"
I bit my lip.
"D-Don't stop if I fall and don't look back...don't stop....bury me....and...fade...to..black...I should've-this is all my fault! I-I...."
Sam hugged me.
How can this be your fault S? He always says-said things like that, I wouldn't have thought it too strange either." he whispered.
"Did Chris ever show any signs of considering suicide?"
Sam went rigid.
"What?! No! No. He-he said it was a shit way out, that it didn't solve anything. He'd never do that!"
"I'm afraid he did. He overdosed on painkillers. I'm very, very sorry......"

And all the cyanide you drank...