Jaded

The auditorium lights flooded down on me like a basking sun on a summers day. My feet felt like bricks were tied to them in the replacement of shoes, my knees shook like I was standing on a platform with an earthquake of it's own occurring, my stomach felt like a white water rapids river, and my mouth was dry to the point of where if the sea wasn't salty, I would drink it.

I stood amongst the student body at Berkeley High school. Students that pestered me all throughout my school career, people that made me realize not all humanity has gone down the tubes, a teacher predicting false hope for my future, and a few select best friends that I missed.

Although there was chatter amongst the crowd my ears rang like everyone had dropped dead. I questioned if I could even strum my guitar with how loose and shaky my hands were.

I've played countless amounts of shows, but none of them them quite prepared me enough for this.

I bared a restored acoustic guitar and emotions that needed attending too. I leveled my mouth with the mic and managed to speak, which believe me, wasn't as easy as it normally is for you and I.

"This song is called Friday," I began pausing for a moment "and the few that need to, will get it,"

I cleared my throat as I began to strum the into to the song praying that my pick didn't go flying out of my hands and into someones eye in the crowd. I looked amongst my audience, but my vision was distorted, not only from the lights pounding down on me, but the nervousness I was caught in. My head was spinning like I was on a merry-go-round

Don't fuck up, I said to myself as the spot for me to begin singing approached And don't make me regret it I added.

Tonight I had to go I managed to choked out, making my voice sound way deeper.

I had to catch the plane wreck home
Couldn't stop shedding these tears
Tears of joy and fear
Because I fell for you
The way you make me feel when your arms around me and the way you whisper in my ear
Can't expect me to forget
Someday I'm coming back

Why did I just sing that, why? Fuck, fuck, fuck," I mentally said kicking myself sensing the fact that if Nick was out there, he's going 'what the fuck?'.

Don't let go
Don't forget about me
Don't distance yourself
Don't ever ever try to hide

Tonight you made me feel things I've never said or felt before
Can't stop thinking will I be in your head for just a little while
Forever 'cause your in mine
Forever 'cause your in mine

Don't let go
Don't forget about me
Don't distance yourself
Don't ever ever try to hide

You know you make me fee more then alright
You got me hitched inside
But is this not ever going to be unsaid
Sometimes it feels like it feels like you don't even know
But inside I guess you do somewhere deep down

Please don't take this away
Don't stop

The rest of the song I got through. The intro was what got me the most, because I felt it was strong for the little, erm romance (?), that Nick and I had. I feared he was going to think I was some psycho chick with a crush resulting in a questionable stalking.

I wasn't planning on playing that song. I wrote it the night that Nick and I kissed and got in that huge fight with everyone, I never planned for it to go anywhere outside the lines of my notebook. I figured one day I would reflect back on it and laugh at my droned out teenage infatuation. The more I thought the more I realized how Billie Joe, Mike, and Sarah were right, I'd rather be let down then be left to wonder.

The audience applauded, whistled, and cheered to my surprise. Maybe I am more recognized then I think, or it's a side of me that no one has seen.

I strolled off stage not feeling enlightened by my performance, but nor was I resentful of it. I broke the ice with Nick, now I had to wait. In my own way it was telling Mike, Billie Joe, and Sarah that they were right and I was sorry.

I got a few 'great job''s from people and pats on the back. I stood around and watched the act following, in which consisted of the typical backwards baseball cap guys, attempting to rap about something along the lines of how they had felt up everyones mom or something. I use the term 'rapping' very loosely. Don't get me wrong, I like old school rap, but the sounded more or less like The Brady Bunch kids on 'shrooms.

"Sam!" I heard a familiar voice yell bursting through the side stage door.

I turned around from packing my guitar in it's case to see Mike followed by Billie Joe.

"I can't believe you did that..." Mike said.

I let out a half smile. I wasn't really sure how to react. I know I'm making this sound like a huge deal, but believe me, your time will come and you'll look back on it and try and shake it out your head embarrassingly and pray it splatters out your ears to never return.

"Look," he began as he reached his hand under the sleeve of his shirt to scratch his shoulder "I'm sorry for the things I said,"

"I am too," I responded "You were right,"

"I didn't have to be so harsh,"

"Yeah, well I can be harsh to, so we're even," I smiled.

"So, you do have a heart?" Billie Joe cracked in his natural way towards me. I could of cracked back "so did someone glue the pieces back to yours", but felt it wasn't the time.

"Yeah," I said looking down "Now I'm going to start painting pictures of sad clowns and write poetry about my cat, that I don't have," I said looking back up into the air confused as to why I said cat "Anyway" I continued "I'm sorry,"

"Yeah, me too,"

There was a moment where we could hear this heavy metal band playing. They sounded like a malfuntioning piece of machinery and the counting to four seemed to be a bit out of the drummers league.

"Well," I said closing the laps of my guitar case "I'll catch you guys later,"

"What the fuck are you doing? Nick was out there in crowd, what if he comes looking for you after the show?"

"I can't. I had to have Laura work later for me at the diner so I could do this, now I've got to run,"