Jaded
Hall of Mirrors
I was trying to drill that line in my head, so I could remember to write it down, when I felt someone grab my arm. I turned around with an expression that exposed my frustration, until I noticed who it was. I stopped dead in my tracks. I instantly felt my knees grow weak, my face turn red, and my hands shake. It was indeed the teenage awkwardness kicking in.
“Hey you,” said Nick.
I can’t believe I’m actually going to share this, but I am. Nick’s this guy that well ah dammit I’ll just say it, he’s a guy friend I have that I’ve liked for a long time. A real long time. We didn't really have the friendship to where I can give him a call and be like “Hey want to go to Gilman tonight and go for pizza after?” he’s kind of one of those friends that you hang out at school and if you run into each other outside of school you’ll acknowledge each other with a casual conversation of “Hi, what brings you here?” then maybe hang out a bit if the other isn’t busy.
“Oh hey,” I managed to let out trying to sound as casual as I can.
“Where are you off too?” he asked.
“Erm home,” I said tucking the bloodied up tissue in my pocket.
“Really why?" He asked. Dammit I didn’t really want to tell him the real reason why I was leaving, so I made something up.
“Oh I don’t feel well,” I said slickly.
“Ah that’s a bummer. I have to get going though so I’ll talk to later," he said resuming his way back into the schools office.
All the issues that were once fogging up my mind had left and a smile could be seen spread across my face.
You have no idea how tough it was for me to admit I liked the guy when Billie and Mike asked me about it. Mostly because I’d rather gouge my eyes out with rusty spoons then express my emotions or show positive emotions towards people. Plus love seems to be my biggest obstical. Sure, I’ll admit that I really like Nick and would do most anything to have a chance with him, but also I can’t imagine me dropping everything for one person. As you can tell I haven’t dated much, mostly because I didn’t really have “crushes” on people until about the ninth grade. Then sophomore year I met Nick and kind of been stuck on that ever since.
When I got home I put on Rocket to Russia and decided to maybe pull out my acoustic and try to do a song on the spot. I don’t play acoustic much anymore since I got with The She He He’s. I used it more for my solo stuff.
There’s something you should know about my closet, it’s like a black hole. There’s enough crap in there for me to have my own store. I stared browsing through stuff. I came across a tape dated back to ‘84 and said “Kids playing show”.
I decided to give it watch to discover that it was when Billie, Mike, and I played for my mom and dad. I was still ten, but Billie and Mike were eleven. Billie and Mike were on guitar and I was attempting to play the drums. It was humorous to watch because the guitar was basically bigger then Billie, and even then I was taller then Billie. Mike had his longish blond hair and this liquid blue eyes stuck out.
I remember we thought we were “rocking out” when really we appeared as if someone had a gun to our head forcing us to move. Then after wards my dad put Jail House Rock on and we all started doing this Jackson Five/Greg Brady dance number.
I found another one that we made just a few days before my dad died. We were all dressed sed up like KISS. This time though Mike was on bass (I nearly piddled my pants when I saw Mike sticking his tounge out attempting to look like Gene Simmons), Billie on guitar, and me way better then last time on drums. Although, I would never tell Billie this, he is an amazing musician. He taught me how to play drums, and both Mike and I our first bass licks. Wait until he sees these. I smell blackmail the next time he makes a crack about me.
I found a few others that were between the years of 1984-1986. I spent the next few hours watching them when Matt and Johnny came over for band practice. Oh yeah I never did find my acoustic.
We went into the garage where Matt pulled the drums out, and Johnny and I hooked up to our crappy two way amp. At our last gig Billie thought it’d be fun to set his soda on my amp and didn’t realize that some of it spilled. Well, at the end of our set it blew up. Fucking asshole. I brought out the infamous Christmas tree hockey stick mic stand. We started off with a song Matt wrote and sang called Mary-Jane. No, it isn’t a song about pot it’s about his lady friend that is quite comical. I climbed behind drums as Matt played my guitar and sang. Matt’s voice always made me laugh, not that he has a voice to where I want shove lead in my ears because it’s so bad, but because he’s got one of those voices that are pleasant, but just have a weird pitch to it.
After, that I resumed my spot and we went into Gone Squad. I probably should explain my voice a little bit. My singing voice is quite similar to Joan Jett, but can sometimes have a bit more of that “punk” rasp to it if I choose to. Now, remember how I told you earlier that I’m known for writing songs, but never finishing them? Well, I also fit into the category of dragging out songs without the lyrics until about five minutes before our gig. We did a few of those. Also, we started something with the song I had written that night after I got fired.
We didn’t have a long practice because Johnny and Matt had plans with their lady friends as I call them.
I decided to give Ashley a buzz to see if we she wanted to go for a walk or something. Of course Ashley always declined any outside activity, because she was secretly a vampire. Not really she’s actually just lazy.
When I got to her house she was in her usual place of being in front of the TV. Allow to fill you in on our friendship.
We met in seventh grade and she was one of my best friends next to Mike and Billie. We used to have a blast together doing obnoxious things and practically living at each others house. Then high school came...She kind of fell into that “Oh I’m going to be popular” phase. I always found her clumsy attempts at what others considered normalcy kind humerous. That’s another thing I detest about high school it changes people. She used to be the kind of person that I could see sipping a cup of coffee at a party filled with hardcore liquor. Now she’s the one I’m carrying over my shoulder trying to hide her in my room as she’s running down my hall yelling “I want to fuck your grandpa!”. She’s the one that wouldn’t even wear shorts, because they were too revealing. Now she lost her virginity before I even got my first kiss. In other words, Ashley and I haven’t gotten that close anymore, its like someone else inhabited her body once she hit high school. Maybe that’s why Billie, Mike, and I have always stuck together, because everyone else always changed while we were the same. Maybe because we never really feel like we fit in anywhere, or maybe because we both seem to think we all have better food at one anothers others house.
“So I saw you talking to Nick today,” Ashley said in that teasing voice.
“Yeah...and...?”
“What happened?”
“We discussed the finer aspects of me going home ‘sick’” I said doing the quotes for sick.
“You told him you were sick?” she said with a slight girly giggle in her voice.
“Yeah I-“ I began, but got cut off by the phone ringing. She answered it and I knew right away it was Brad, her boyfriend of the week.
Seriously Ashley goes through more boyfriends then I change my damn underwear. You have no idea how it bugs me how she can’t stay single for more then a day. I mean she’ll claim to be so “in love” with someone that the second they call it quits she’s got her eye on someone else.
Whatever get’s you through the night little lady.
I decided to go, because it would be a hell of a lot more easier for her to ignore me if I just left right now. Of course she didn’t object to my leaving.
It was now dark out and it suddenly came to mind about the message on the machine. Mom’s car wasn’t in the driveway. It would be most smart on my part to erase it while I had the chance.
“Hello, Ms. Rollins this is Mr. Lane principal of Berkeley High School. I’m calling on behalf of your daughter Samantha. Samantha started another fight with a girl at school, who claims that your daughter has harassed her on countless occasions. Also, Samantha is performing insubordinately in class, in which she curses profoundly at teachers and walks out of class. Now, if this continues I am going to have no choice, but to expel her. If you could please give me a call back at 810-1343 extension 7724 I would like to speak with you. Thank you and have a nice day.”
I shook my head and mumbled “What a dumbass,” as I erased the message and congratulated myself on a job well done.
“Think your pretty slick huh?”
“Hey you,” said Nick.
I can’t believe I’m actually going to share this, but I am. Nick’s this guy that well ah dammit I’ll just say it, he’s a guy friend I have that I’ve liked for a long time. A real long time. We didn't really have the friendship to where I can give him a call and be like “Hey want to go to Gilman tonight and go for pizza after?” he’s kind of one of those friends that you hang out at school and if you run into each other outside of school you’ll acknowledge each other with a casual conversation of “Hi, what brings you here?” then maybe hang out a bit if the other isn’t busy.
“Oh hey,” I managed to let out trying to sound as casual as I can.
“Where are you off too?” he asked.
“Erm home,” I said tucking the bloodied up tissue in my pocket.
“Really why?" He asked. Dammit I didn’t really want to tell him the real reason why I was leaving, so I made something up.
“Oh I don’t feel well,” I said slickly.
“Ah that’s a bummer. I have to get going though so I’ll talk to later," he said resuming his way back into the schools office.
All the issues that were once fogging up my mind had left and a smile could be seen spread across my face.
You have no idea how tough it was for me to admit I liked the guy when Billie and Mike asked me about it. Mostly because I’d rather gouge my eyes out with rusty spoons then express my emotions or show positive emotions towards people. Plus love seems to be my biggest obstical. Sure, I’ll admit that I really like Nick and would do most anything to have a chance with him, but also I can’t imagine me dropping everything for one person. As you can tell I haven’t dated much, mostly because I didn’t really have “crushes” on people until about the ninth grade. Then sophomore year I met Nick and kind of been stuck on that ever since.
When I got home I put on Rocket to Russia and decided to maybe pull out my acoustic and try to do a song on the spot. I don’t play acoustic much anymore since I got with The She He He’s. I used it more for my solo stuff.
There’s something you should know about my closet, it’s like a black hole. There’s enough crap in there for me to have my own store. I stared browsing through stuff. I came across a tape dated back to ‘84 and said “Kids playing show”.
I decided to give it watch to discover that it was when Billie, Mike, and I played for my mom and dad. I was still ten, but Billie and Mike were eleven. Billie and Mike were on guitar and I was attempting to play the drums. It was humorous to watch because the guitar was basically bigger then Billie, and even then I was taller then Billie. Mike had his longish blond hair and this liquid blue eyes stuck out.
I remember we thought we were “rocking out” when really we appeared as if someone had a gun to our head forcing us to move. Then after wards my dad put Jail House Rock on and we all started doing this Jackson Five/Greg Brady dance number.
I found another one that we made just a few days before my dad died. We were all dressed sed up like KISS. This time though Mike was on bass (I nearly piddled my pants when I saw Mike sticking his tounge out attempting to look like Gene Simmons), Billie on guitar, and me way better then last time on drums. Although, I would never tell Billie this, he is an amazing musician. He taught me how to play drums, and both Mike and I our first bass licks. Wait until he sees these. I smell blackmail the next time he makes a crack about me.
I found a few others that were between the years of 1984-1986. I spent the next few hours watching them when Matt and Johnny came over for band practice. Oh yeah I never did find my acoustic.
We went into the garage where Matt pulled the drums out, and Johnny and I hooked up to our crappy two way amp. At our last gig Billie thought it’d be fun to set his soda on my amp and didn’t realize that some of it spilled. Well, at the end of our set it blew up. Fucking asshole. I brought out the infamous Christmas tree hockey stick mic stand. We started off with a song Matt wrote and sang called Mary-Jane. No, it isn’t a song about pot it’s about his lady friend that is quite comical. I climbed behind drums as Matt played my guitar and sang. Matt’s voice always made me laugh, not that he has a voice to where I want shove lead in my ears because it’s so bad, but because he’s got one of those voices that are pleasant, but just have a weird pitch to it.
After, that I resumed my spot and we went into Gone Squad. I probably should explain my voice a little bit. My singing voice is quite similar to Joan Jett, but can sometimes have a bit more of that “punk” rasp to it if I choose to. Now, remember how I told you earlier that I’m known for writing songs, but never finishing them? Well, I also fit into the category of dragging out songs without the lyrics until about five minutes before our gig. We did a few of those. Also, we started something with the song I had written that night after I got fired.
We didn’t have a long practice because Johnny and Matt had plans with their lady friends as I call them.
I decided to give Ashley a buzz to see if we she wanted to go for a walk or something. Of course Ashley always declined any outside activity, because she was secretly a vampire. Not really she’s actually just lazy.
When I got to her house she was in her usual place of being in front of the TV. Allow to fill you in on our friendship.
We met in seventh grade and she was one of my best friends next to Mike and Billie. We used to have a blast together doing obnoxious things and practically living at each others house. Then high school came...She kind of fell into that “Oh I’m going to be popular” phase. I always found her clumsy attempts at what others considered normalcy kind humerous. That’s another thing I detest about high school it changes people. She used to be the kind of person that I could see sipping a cup of coffee at a party filled with hardcore liquor. Now she’s the one I’m carrying over my shoulder trying to hide her in my room as she’s running down my hall yelling “I want to fuck your grandpa!”. She’s the one that wouldn’t even wear shorts, because they were too revealing. Now she lost her virginity before I even got my first kiss. In other words, Ashley and I haven’t gotten that close anymore, its like someone else inhabited her body once she hit high school. Maybe that’s why Billie, Mike, and I have always stuck together, because everyone else always changed while we were the same. Maybe because we never really feel like we fit in anywhere, or maybe because we both seem to think we all have better food at one anothers others house.
“So I saw you talking to Nick today,” Ashley said in that teasing voice.
“Yeah...and...?”
“What happened?”
“We discussed the finer aspects of me going home ‘sick’” I said doing the quotes for sick.
“You told him you were sick?” she said with a slight girly giggle in her voice.
“Yeah I-“ I began, but got cut off by the phone ringing. She answered it and I knew right away it was Brad, her boyfriend of the week.
Seriously Ashley goes through more boyfriends then I change my damn underwear. You have no idea how it bugs me how she can’t stay single for more then a day. I mean she’ll claim to be so “in love” with someone that the second they call it quits she’s got her eye on someone else.
Whatever get’s you through the night little lady.
I decided to go, because it would be a hell of a lot more easier for her to ignore me if I just left right now. Of course she didn’t object to my leaving.
It was now dark out and it suddenly came to mind about the message on the machine. Mom’s car wasn’t in the driveway. It would be most smart on my part to erase it while I had the chance.
“Hello, Ms. Rollins this is Mr. Lane principal of Berkeley High School. I’m calling on behalf of your daughter Samantha. Samantha started another fight with a girl at school, who claims that your daughter has harassed her on countless occasions. Also, Samantha is performing insubordinately in class, in which she curses profoundly at teachers and walks out of class. Now, if this continues I am going to have no choice, but to expel her. If you could please give me a call back at 810-1343 extension 7724 I would like to speak with you. Thank you and have a nice day.”
I shook my head and mumbled “What a dumbass,” as I erased the message and congratulated myself on a job well done.
“Think your pretty slick huh?”