Jaded

“Mo- Mo- Mom,” I stuttered spinning around on my heel “Where’s your car?” I asked looking at mom who had her arms crossed standing in the doorway who had a look to kill might I add.

“Never mind that,” she said approaching me.

“Thought you were smart didn’t you?” she asked with her eyes the size of ping pong balls.

“Didn’t you!” she screamed slapping me across the face.

“You’re a fucking liar!” she screamed slapping me again.

“You thought you were going to erase the message and I’d never find out didn’t you?” she said grabbing me by the hair and pulling me back slapping me again. I’d never seen my mom act this way.

Although it felt like she was slowly pulling out every strand of hair on my head and my cheek felt like someone had branded it, I still managed to show no sign of weakness or fear.

“Your pathetic!” she snarled releasing me by throwing me against the hall closet door.

There was a second silence where I picked myself off the ground.

“Are you doing drugs Samantha?”

“No!” I said quickly giving her an “are you kidding me?” expression.

“How do I know your not lying to me?” she snarled.

“Because I’m saying it!” I said leaning forward in a cocky tone.

“Would you tell me if you were?” she said crossing her arms and raising a brow.

“I don’t really think it’s any of your business, so no I wouldn’t, but since I’m not the the answer is no,”

“You expect me to believe that?”

“Search my room, follow me around, give me a blood test, put a tracking collar on me, do whatever the hell you want.” I snarled once again. She started to approach me again, eyes widened with a hand raised once again, but I dodged it.

I grabbed my bag that still resided near the door and ran out the door. I ran down my road cutting through yards. I wanted to get away from everyone and everything for a bit.

Where else to go at a time like this? The tracks of Christie.

I was able to navigate my way to “my spot” in the hours of darkness as well as I would in the day time. There it was the little shack with the tiny light over head. The light being on was unusual. Normally I have to jump up and hit it in order for it to come on.

I took a seat feeling the frigid earthy environment seep into my pants. I took out my notebook, which was still flipped to the song I began in the bathroom earlier today. I decided to keep going with it staring at the words as if they were going to jump and produce more lyrics for me.

”She’s got a loud ass scream
She wants to be a queen
She wants to be seen
she wants to be a queen”

I said singing out loud trying to find a good melody.

“Dammit that sounds terrible,” I mumbled hitting my head against the shack in frustration.

After a few minutes of crossing out, rearranging, and more intense banging my head against the wall I had a verse and a chorus.

”She’s just another drop at the seams
She’s got a fever waiting to be, yeah
She’s just another fish in the sea
She’s got a fever raging at a hundred and three

She wants to be a queen
She wants to be a queen
She wants to be been seen
She’s got a loud ass scream
She wants be a queen”

“That sounds terrible. I need to become more emotional so these songs will come easier,” I mumbled to myself.

“I thought it sounded alright,” said Nick. My mind must be playing tricks on me.

“Holy shit!” I screamed falling over in embarrassment and shock.

“Are you okay?” he asked with a bit of laughter in his voice reaching out to give me a helping hand.

“Yeah you just scared me,”

“Sorry.” he said smiling turning his eyes to the stars above.

There was a few minutes of that awkward silence that no one enjoys being in. I kept watching him look at the stars upon us, as I sat there trying to break the silence.

“So you really dig the song so far?” I asked feeling like an idiot with my choice of words.

“Yeah it’s alright. I saw you guys a few months ago play in the store at Gilman you’re pretty good,” he said turning towards me. You hear that? He said we were pretty good! I shouldnt get too far ahead of myself , he also thought the schools lasagna was good that one time too...

“So what brings you here?” he asked turning his attention towards me.

“Oh I just come here sometimes to you know think,” I said making an attempt to look him in the eye. I’m kind of weird when it comes to looking people in the eyes when I talk. I can’t do it. I feel like my eyeballs really turn into monitors where whoever I’m talking too reads the screen of what’s really going through my mind, and that maybe in the corner of the screen is a picture of my soul or something.

“Yeah same here,” he said now focusing on the moon and the silence resumed.

Now in a typical movie Nick would now grab my hand and confess this burning crush he has had on me since we ever met, then I do the same thing. Then we embrace in a kiss, which turns into a make-out session, which then turns out to the removal of clothes, to where we have sex right here and right now. Then tommorow we go to school hand and hand and we win “cutest couple” in the year book and then we elope to Vegas and live happily ever after. This lingered in my mind for a few minutes.

I’m going to reveal a strange habit I have that is relevant to what I was just thinking. Anytime I think of something that either I have done in the past or just something that I imagine that is embarrassing I close my eyes and shake my head as if shaking my head is going to make it fly out of my ears or something. It’s something I don’t even realize I do all the time until later when some goes “You alright there?”

After performing this Nick looked over at me with that expression and I just kind of pretended to laugh it off saying I thought a bug flew in my hair.

“Well it’s getting late I’m going to get going,” said Nick getting up.

“Yeah me too,” I said repeating as he did.

We both exchanged a “later” and went our separate ways home. Although not the best situation I’ve been in with Nick it still kept a smile on my face all the way home.

When I walked it was going on a little after midnight and mom must have given up and gone to bed, which were my intensions as well.

I began yet another song in my head as I laid my head down. It wasn’t much, but I had a feeling one day it would turn into something great.

I took out my notebook to a fresh page and copied the two lines down and drifted off to sleep.

”Tonight I had to go
I had to catch the plane wreck home”