Scarred Angel
Scars
'I tear my heart open, I sew myself shut
And my weakness is that I care too much
And our scars remind us that the past is real
I tear my heart open just to feel.'
-Scars, Papa Roach
A month later, I was atmine and Brian's my house. Matt and me were going through someof Brian's things. I was moving back in.
Andy, my therapist (really Doctor Andrew, but he wants people to be comfortable so he's often called Andy), was overjoyed by both my progress and my relationship with Matt. So overjoyed he started bouncing in glee. Then he stopped suddenly, his bright blue eyes searching the room as he suggested I get a puppy. I told him I had been thinking about it already, and he told me his boyfriend's little sister had some Akita pups that she was getting rid of and asked if I wanted one. When I told him I'd give one a go, he returned to bouncing in his glee. They were to come by later.
I was going through some of Brian's shirts, planning on keeping some of his favorites (don't know why I even tortured myself with it), when a picture fell out of his most beloved shirt.
I picked it off the floor, curious. Brian was there, off to the side, a girl with blonde hair, with black streaks, pulled close to him. His arm was around another girl's shoulder, this one's hair was bright blue, neon blue. The girls looked similar, like sisters. I flipped it over to the back, in case it said something. In his neatly messy scrawl he wrote Lillian, Me, and Lexi, July 7, 2004. The year before we met...
He never told me about them. But under his scrawl was 'Sorry she was torn away, on your birthday, Bri-Bri, take care. Lexi.' In neat, even lettering. I couldn't help but wonder if they were friends, or more than that. And which one was which?
I stared at the picture a while longer, taking in Brian's apparent happiness The happiness that had faded the longer we had been together, and I couldn't help but wonder if it was my fault.
A few minutes later, Matt poked his head through the door.
"Johnny, Andy's and his boyfriend's little sister are here with the puppy," he told me, watching me with worried eyes.
"Kay, Matty," I answered, laying the picture down on the dresser, and turning fully to him and giving him a small smile. He led me out, to my own living room, where Doc Andy, the girl, and the puppy waited.
Andy was lounging on the couch, smiling fondly at the girl. She was kneeling on the floor playing with a little ball of fluffiness, obviously the puppy. Her hair was a bright pink, with bright blue tips, neon bright.
She looked up as I came in, flashing a smile and nodding, before cocking her head to the side, questioningly.
"Lexi, this is Johnny Seward," Andy told her. She turned to him and started signing frantically. He shook his head. "What's so important about it?" She glared, snapped her fingers, and signed again. He sighed, before pulling out his wallet. She snatched it away and pulled out a picture with a triumphant grin.
Lexi stood up and came to stand in front of me, leaving the puppy chewing on a bone, and looking at the picture then me. Then she showed me the picture and signed to Andrew.
"She wants to know if you knew Bri-Bri... Wait, Brian?" Andy looked at her, confused.
I looked at the picture and then at her, nodding. Before asking, "Who's Lillian and why don't you speak?"
"Lillian was her identical twin, Brian and them were close. Lillian and Brian nearly inseperable. Lexi hasn't spoken since Lillian was killed," Andy looked at me, confusion and questions reflecting in his gaze. Lexi signed some more, and Andy signed. "She says she's sorry for your loss, and what the crueler side of his did to you. But hopes little Mars here will ease the pain."
She rolled her eyes and began signing rapidly. Andy questioned somethings, and she'd glare and continue signing to him.
"Ah. Crueler side... Split personalities.. Untreatable form of D.I.D? Loved to drink, and hurt people... Never hurt Lillian or you...Always left Bri-Bri to clean up the meses?" She nodded. "So, what she meant was Brian had a form of Disociative Identity Disorder that was untreatable and whatnot. The other side was damn near Satan's spawn, and violent and drunk. Right?" She nodded, tossing a glare at him, before looking back at me.
"So, it wasn't really Brian?" My heart sank. I killed Brian, for no reason other than his other personality.
"Johnny," she spoke, eyes pleading, voice soft and uncertain. Andy gawked at her, amazed. "Johnny, he sent me a letter with that picture, he was afraid. Said that he asked a pair of friends to give you a gun so you could stop his other side before he killed you. Brian loved you, you did what he wanted you to and he wouldn't want you to suffer over it. Brian asked me to find you and take care of you if anything happened to himself... And Andy stop giving me that look. Frustration brings out some odd things. Like my voice. Never thought I'd hear it again."
"He told you about me?" I asked, slightly afraid of the answer.
"Yeah, he loved you. This whole business of speaking is awkward." She replied, grinning at me.
I felt tears come to my eyes and Matt wrapped me into his strong arms.
"We'll leave, but take care of Mars, need anything let us know. I'll be around alot, I assume," she muttered to Matt. He nodded in reply. "Mars' things are in the bag, along with some puppy food and whatnot." Matt nodded again, and I heard the front door open and close.
"Matt, he loved me. He loved me and I killed him," I whimpered into his chest.
"You did what you had to, Johnny, no one thinks less of you, no one hates you," Matt assured me, tiping my chin up gently. Then he kissed me, equally gently.
"Matt, what would I do without you? I'm broken and scarred, and you're an angel," I whispered against his lips.
"I'm scarred, too, John, I'm scarred to," he whispered back, a deep, endless pain making itself known in his soft words.
'You have the bravest heart I've ever known
You have the strongest will I've seen
With every step you take you touch my soul
With every breath you will succeed
The soul of and angel
Touched from above
Your spirit is shining
Surrounded by Love'
The Soul of an Angel, Space Brothers
And my weakness is that I care too much
And our scars remind us that the past is real
I tear my heart open just to feel.'
-Scars, Papa Roach
A month later, I was atmine and Brian's my house. Matt and me were going through someof Brian's things. I was moving back in.
Andy, my therapist (really Doctor Andrew, but he wants people to be comfortable so he's often called Andy), was overjoyed by both my progress and my relationship with Matt. So overjoyed he started bouncing in glee. Then he stopped suddenly, his bright blue eyes searching the room as he suggested I get a puppy. I told him I had been thinking about it already, and he told me his boyfriend's little sister had some Akita pups that she was getting rid of and asked if I wanted one. When I told him I'd give one a go, he returned to bouncing in his glee. They were to come by later.
I was going through some of Brian's shirts, planning on keeping some of his favorites (don't know why I even tortured myself with it), when a picture fell out of his most beloved shirt.
I picked it off the floor, curious. Brian was there, off to the side, a girl with blonde hair, with black streaks, pulled close to him. His arm was around another girl's shoulder, this one's hair was bright blue, neon blue. The girls looked similar, like sisters. I flipped it over to the back, in case it said something. In his neatly messy scrawl he wrote Lillian, Me, and Lexi, July 7, 2004. The year before we met...
He never told me about them. But under his scrawl was 'Sorry she was torn away, on your birthday, Bri-Bri, take care. Lexi.' In neat, even lettering. I couldn't help but wonder if they were friends, or more than that. And which one was which?
I stared at the picture a while longer, taking in Brian's apparent happiness The happiness that had faded the longer we had been together, and I couldn't help but wonder if it was my fault.
A few minutes later, Matt poked his head through the door.
"Johnny, Andy's and his boyfriend's little sister are here with the puppy," he told me, watching me with worried eyes.
"Kay, Matty," I answered, laying the picture down on the dresser, and turning fully to him and giving him a small smile. He led me out, to my own living room, where Doc Andy, the girl, and the puppy waited.
Andy was lounging on the couch, smiling fondly at the girl. She was kneeling on the floor playing with a little ball of fluffiness, obviously the puppy. Her hair was a bright pink, with bright blue tips, neon bright.
She looked up as I came in, flashing a smile and nodding, before cocking her head to the side, questioningly.
"Lexi, this is Johnny Seward," Andy told her. She turned to him and started signing frantically. He shook his head. "What's so important about it?" She glared, snapped her fingers, and signed again. He sighed, before pulling out his wallet. She snatched it away and pulled out a picture with a triumphant grin.
Lexi stood up and came to stand in front of me, leaving the puppy chewing on a bone, and looking at the picture then me. Then she showed me the picture and signed to Andrew.
"She wants to know if you knew Bri-Bri... Wait, Brian?" Andy looked at her, confused.
I looked at the picture and then at her, nodding. Before asking, "Who's Lillian and why don't you speak?"
"Lillian was her identical twin, Brian and them were close. Lillian and Brian nearly inseperable. Lexi hasn't spoken since Lillian was killed," Andy looked at me, confusion and questions reflecting in his gaze. Lexi signed some more, and Andy signed. "She says she's sorry for your loss, and what the crueler side of his did to you. But hopes little Mars here will ease the pain."
She rolled her eyes and began signing rapidly. Andy questioned somethings, and she'd glare and continue signing to him.
"Ah. Crueler side... Split personalities.. Untreatable form of D.I.D? Loved to drink, and hurt people... Never hurt Lillian or you...Always left Bri-Bri to clean up the meses?" She nodded. "So, what she meant was Brian had a form of Disociative Identity Disorder that was untreatable and whatnot. The other side was damn near Satan's spawn, and violent and drunk. Right?" She nodded, tossing a glare at him, before looking back at me.
"So, it wasn't really Brian?" My heart sank. I killed Brian, for no reason other than his other personality.
"Johnny," she spoke, eyes pleading, voice soft and uncertain. Andy gawked at her, amazed. "Johnny, he sent me a letter with that picture, he was afraid. Said that he asked a pair of friends to give you a gun so you could stop his other side before he killed you. Brian loved you, you did what he wanted you to and he wouldn't want you to suffer over it. Brian asked me to find you and take care of you if anything happened to himself... And Andy stop giving me that look. Frustration brings out some odd things. Like my voice. Never thought I'd hear it again."
"He told you about me?" I asked, slightly afraid of the answer.
"Yeah, he loved you. This whole business of speaking is awkward." She replied, grinning at me.
I felt tears come to my eyes and Matt wrapped me into his strong arms.
"We'll leave, but take care of Mars, need anything let us know. I'll be around alot, I assume," she muttered to Matt. He nodded in reply. "Mars' things are in the bag, along with some puppy food and whatnot." Matt nodded again, and I heard the front door open and close.
"Matt, he loved me. He loved me and I killed him," I whimpered into his chest.
"You did what you had to, Johnny, no one thinks less of you, no one hates you," Matt assured me, tiping my chin up gently. Then he kissed me, equally gently.
"Matt, what would I do without you? I'm broken and scarred, and you're an angel," I whispered against his lips.
"I'm scarred, too, John, I'm scarred to," he whispered back, a deep, endless pain making itself known in his soft words.
'You have the bravest heart I've ever known
You have the strongest will I've seen
With every step you take you touch my soul
With every breath you will succeed
The soul of and angel
Touched from above
Your spirit is shining
Surrounded by Love'
The Soul of an Angel, Space Brothers
♠ ♠ ♠
Okay.. It is the last chapter, but not the end.No.. I have an epilouge to write.
Sorry it's been so long...
Research paper for an english tyrant is keeping me pretty busy..