We Were Birds

For Quinn and Fern, everyday on the road together was like an adventure; a story that began as the sun rose and ended as it was swallowed by the land beneath it.

Summer was in full bloom across the country, and everywhere they went, they kept the windows of Quinn's old truck rolled down. Fern would stick her hand out the window at time and let her hand ride the aircurrents, watching as it went up and down, up and down, like a wave. They didn't know exactly where they were driving, just all around, everywhere. They went to the Deep South, they went to the Pacific Northwest, they came back to the Midwest and down to the Southwest. They made a crazy criss-cross through the country that spanned a few months.

They were the best months of Fern's life. She had never felt more free, as if she could go anywhere and do anything and it was all right. All her life she had been told what to do, what to say, what to wear, who to know, who to impress, who to stay away from...she had been a stranger even to herself. Beyond spending every moment with Quinn, everyday she continued to learn new things about herself.

It was quite by accident that Fern discovered how much she could love the rain.

The day started off cloudy, something a little alien to Fern. Although it wasn't dry in their hometown, this summer had been nothing but blue sky, warm breezes and rising temperatures. The lack of blue disconcerted both Fern and Quinn as they drove along I-80, oblivous even to what state they were now in (Fern said Nebraska but Quinn was arguing Iowa). They drove along a stretch of open road that seemed to go on for miles and miles and miles, but this mattered little. The radio was full of static, but that mattered even less. And while Fern was a little annoyed with Quinn's constant Children of the Corn jokes, Fern knew she could live with them as long as they stayed far away from their hometown.

Eventually they came to a small gas station and convenience store, where they stoped to buy some drinks and fill up on gas. While Quinn filled the car up with regular unleaded, Fern picked out some large bottles of water. She payed with no words to the sleepy looking man who was behind the counter, and departed from the store with no more sound than the jingle of the door as she left.

Fern took a step down to where Quinn and the car was, and as he pumped the gas, he gave her one of those infectious smiles that she knew she'd never get tired of. And at that moment, the heavens opened up and it started to pour.

The rain was warm, but when it hit the hot tar of the gas station, the entire area started to steam. She was soaked within minutes, but out of shock and awe, Fern didn't move. It didn't rain like this back home. Back home, when it rained, it was cold and it made pot holes in her long dirt driveway. When it rained at home, Fern would look out the window and over the cliffs to the sea where the thunder clouds were far off and black. This was a different sort of rain alltogether.

Fern looked up at the sky, watched the rain fall for a moment and then closed her eyes. She was hardly aware that she was still holding the cold bottles of water in her hand for her and Quinn, and she was hardly aware that her dress was now plastered to her body. She'd be cold when she got into the car, maybe, but now, now was enough. Around her, as the rain fell, Fern smelled the warm, damp smell of the earth as it was soaked with rain. It was the kind of smell that gave her a strange calm, it was a sort of cool rushing feeling that started at her toes and spread throughout her. For as free as Fern had felt, there had always been a small nagging feeling at the back of her head, telling her that she was betraying her father, the man who had raised her. But as the rain washed down on her, as the water fell down her face and dripped from her arms to the ground, it was as if all her worries washed away as well. That small guilt seemed to go away. Maybe it would come back later, but for right now, everything was okay.

Quinn watched her. Her expression of shock as soon as she got hit with the water was so funny that he couldn't stop the laughter that erupted out of him. Her mouth, at first, was a perfect little O - as if this was the last thing she ever expected. He was dry underneath the cover of the gas pumps, and a few other people were darting out from their cars into the store or vice versa, but not Fern. She was so perplexed that this could have happened.

And then...and then she did a miraculous thing. She looked at the sky. It was as if she'd never seen the sky before. And then she closed her eyes, like she'd never felt the rain before. And then she stood there. Silent. Unmoving. For a few moments, but it felt like time stood still, and his reason for existence was just to watch her. Quinn stopped laughing, the laughter had died in his throat, and he felt a swell of emotions that he couldn't place. Forgetting the gas pump, he left the safety of the cover and went out into the rain.

Taking her wrists - for she was still clutching the bottles of water she'd just bought - Quinn pulled Fern to him. Her eyes snapped open and she looked at him curiously, but amusement was thick in her expression. It was as if she was daring him to do something. So he did. Quinn pulled Fern to him and let the downpour soak him through. He just held her like that, in the rain for a long time. And then finally he looked back down at her, and she looked up at him.

Fern watched him softly and felt something like nervousness pass through her. She had forgotten the last time she'd been nervous with Quinn. It didn't happen anymore - not since they'd been together. It was at this moment that she wished she could read his mind, see into his thoughts...but after a moment, she realized she didn't really need to. Something passed through his eyes - something a little like uncertainty, he pulled his head back a tiny bit, and then brought it back, as if he was asking her if it was okay. As if he wondered if this was all right with her. Fern felt a little smile pass through across lips and Quinn took one of his arms and grabbed her chin softly.

When he kissed her, their lips were both wet, a little salty, and very warm. The rain thudded against their faces, but they didn't pull apart so easy. The cold water bottles now were wedged in between their bodies and Quinn's soaked shirt somehow ended up bunched up in Fern's hand.

And just as quickly as it had come, it was gone.

They parted and listened to each other's breath. It was Quinn then who looked to the sky. The sun was already parting through the thin clouds and any moment...Quinn waited for a moment and then smiled. Nudging Fern, he pointed up, up to the sky, where around the sun, like a halo, was a double-ringed rainbow. The look of elation that spread over Fern's face was indescribable and Quinn wrapped his arms back around her and smothered her to him, despite the cold waterbottles against his skin.

"I love the rain," said Fern with a laugh.

Quinn looked down at her. "I love you." They paused then, for they both had just realized something. For all they had run off together, for all they had hinted and for all the things that they never had said...they hadn't ever said I love you, to each other. It was just accepted that they loved each other, it was like they hadn't thought it was necessary to say. But now that Quinn had said it, Fern realized how much she had really been wanting him to say it. She had seen it in his eyes a hundred thousand times, but hearing it was different. It was like magic. You always knew it existed, but then you saw something and you really finally believed.

"I love you too," she answered. No more words needed to be said. They jumped back in Quinn's car and took off back down I-80. They rolled down all the windows and turned down the radio and just let the whipping wind dry them as they sped closer and closer to the sun, which already touched the horizon. It was like if they could go far enough, they could touch it. The rainbow still hung around the sun, but now touched the earth, and Fern wanted to chase it, too. Not because she wanted to find the end, but because she wanted to see how far they could go before they gave up.

That was they way their days were spent. Those little adventures built and built until they became one strange, long, storybook full of memories, laughter, songs and the ocassional tears. They were always looking for that next big thing, that next release. Their eyes were seeing everything they could, but still Fern and Quinn wanted more, more, more. They sped across long, tired roads and then swung around hairpin curves on tiny back roads.

As Quinn told Fern, he was looking for the most beautiful thing in the world. They bought disposable camera after disposable camera, stopping at the closest pharmacy to restock up on cameras - waiting an hour until their film was developed. Quinn found an old, folded up cardboard box in the back of his truck which he unfolded again. The pictures went into the box, and they must have had a hundred envelopes in that box. And they weren't stopping any time soon. At night they'd go through the pictures they'd gotten back and they'd pick out the most beautiful ones. All those pictures went into a separate envelope, one that was especially for the beautiful pictures. Quinn was going to go through those eventually, as soon as they'd seen all they could, and he'd pick out the most beautiful. And then they'd go back there when they were old and gray and they'd buy champagne and toast to their lives. Their grandkids would be all grown up and they'd still have each other.

They talked like this, made plans, as they drove. "Okay so, my cousin said that Oregon is a really nice place to live," Fern would say sometimes.

"Darlin', I thought we agreed on Vermont. You know, it would be quiet."

"But it's so cold!" Fern would exclaim. "Our poor kids would have nothing to do, either way. I don't remember ever saying I liked Vermont. When did I say that?"

"Well, you were kinda half asleep when I asked you."

They eventually made it to Maryland. Or maybe it was one of the Carolinas. Either way, they made it back to the coast. And they stopped in the evening at the beach, parking in the dusty and empty parking lot, which looked as if it hadn't been used in a long time. Getting out, Quinn brought one of the cameras and Fern picked out a jacket. The wind was warm, but still blew harsh against them as they clutched hands and waded through the sand to the beach.

The sun was dipping low against the water, and it was very low tide when they got to the beach. It was deserted, but there were a few houses that sat in the dune grass. The beach at home had been different than this. It had always been a place where her father would find different shore birds - study them, sketch them. It was a place where her mother had taken her when she was small. It was the place that Quinn always was tied to. The sea, the beach, the ocean...it gave her little pleasure. She could not compete with it. Fern had always feared that Quinn's love for the sea ran deeper than his love for her.

And when Quinn saw that sunset, his face lit up like nothing she'd ever seen before, and that little thrum of doubt ran against her heart. He snapped a few pictures and looked at Fern, a big grin on his face. "Darlin', I think I might have found the most beautiful place in the world. What would you say to a house here?" he asked. "Town's not too far away, the kids would have fun. And we could have dogs...let 'em run on the beach at sunrise. The house wouldn't be extravagant, but it would be ours. What do you say?" he asked, looking so hopeful.

Fern swallowed back her sadness. She was so stupid to be jealous of the sea. It was vast and mesmerizing while she was just one small person. "I would love that, Quinn," she said.

Quinn didn't buy that, not for one second. "What's wrong?" he asked, immedietley concerned. Fern turned away from him, half in shame, half because she thought she might cry if she looked at him. She couldn't go far, though, because his hand was at her shoulder in an instant. Quinn pulled her toward him. "Tell me what's on your brain, pretty girl," he whispered, his breath hot against her neck.

Fern turned and buried her face against his shirt. "It's stupid," she said, her voice muffled.

"Tell me," Quinn commanded.

Tilting her head up towards him, Fern squared her shoulders and tried not to sound like a pathetic five year old. "Do you...do you love the sea more than you love me?"

Quinn looked at Fern quizically for a moment and then laughed and kissed her forehead. "I love the sea," he said. "But I'm in love with you." He paused. "It's like...you and birds. You love birds. But you're in love with me. Right?"

Fern cocked her head and she smiled a smile of relief. "Right." Quinn grinned and it was a smile Fern couldn't escape from. "I like the idea of living here some day. Just a small house. Enough for Lily and Peter and us, right?"

They were quiet for a long time, just watching the sun set. Finally, Quinn made a noise. "Huh," he said - as if something had just come to him. Fern looked up, and he was looking absent-minded. She nudged him a little with her elbow. He looked down at her and smiled. "You know, I just realized something."

"What?" she asked.

Quinn hugged Fern closer to him. "The most beautiful thing in the world...belongs to me."