Velvet Snow
Alone.
Large, delicate snowflakes twirled around in the air, dancing like ballerinas and slowly, gracefully landed, covering every clear surface in sight. The dull throb behind Eileen’s forehead grew as each moment passed by. It was snowing for the second time that week and Eileen was outside again, trying to make enough money for a warm meal. She hadn’t eaten for the past two days, and although she had tried to ignore the pain in her stomach, Eileen knew she couldn’t brush it away any longer. She had already decided that she was going to stand out in the cold streets until she got enough cash to feed herself. If she didn’t, well, Eileen knew she would end up dead. Or at least in the hospital, which – in Eileen’s opinion – was worse because hospitals meant formal papers and documents, birth certificates and all the other information she did not have. If anyone were to find out she was on her own, social services would be called, and from there on it would off to a foster home for a night or two, and then to the orphanage… Eileen knew she didn’t want to deal with all of that again.
“Please, ma’am, spare some change!” Eileen cried over the noise of the traffic. The woman whom she’d addressed shook her head mindlessly, paying Eileen no mind.
Eileen sighed heavily, a gust of mist escaping her mouth. She pulled her tattered winter coat tighter around her body and shivered, rubbing at her nose A gust of cold wind almost knocked her over, but she braced herself, gritting her teeth together so hard she was sure they would crumble. It seemed as if the cold was mocking her, secretly sneaking through every thread, every stitch of her clothes and then settling on her skin like a perfect, white snowflake – quiet, motionless.
“Sir, have mercy. I need some change.” Eileen held out her red, chipped cup out to the man, rattling it to get his attention. Again, like most of the other people, the man paid no attention to her, ignored her as if she wasn’t there. Eileen felt like hurting him, felt like taking his warm clothes away, making him suffer in the numbing cold. All he – and most of the others who happened to pass by – saw was a homeless, dirty boy, someone who didn’t have anywhere to go.
I’m a girl! she wanted to scream at everybody.
But she couldn’t. Donna Ellis, the old woman Eileen had met when she had been first kicked out of her house a year ago, had said to her, “A young girl like you is not safe on the streets.” So, having no other option, Eileen had decided that she would pretend she was a boy. It had taken barely any effort, really. All she had to do was cover her shoulder-length hair with a beanie she’d found behind Jack’s Department Store, and make sure her clothing was never too tight. Eileen had thought for sure that her soft, girly voice would cause problems, but apparently it fit her innocent face perfectly.
Eileen had been using this “disguise” for a while now, and although it still seemed to fool people, she knew different. From what she’d heard from the older girls, Eileen knew that her body would soon start to change; she would start her transformation from being a girl to a woman. As the thought crossed her mind, Eileen knew it would be hard to keep her secret when she started developing breasts.
No, she told herself firmly, blushing at the thought. I’m a boy.
Eileen shivered again. She was wearing two large shirts underneath her coat, but the cold was still too much. As she glanced up, she glimpsed the small café called Mugs across the road. It looked warm and pleasant in there, and Eileen smiled at the thought of walking inside and getting lost in the aroma of coffee. From what she could see through the glass windows, the café looked fairly crowded. Surely she wouldn’t get noticed in that big of a rush?
Slowly, cautiously, Eileen took a step onto the hardened snow in her ripped boots, feeling the cold seep through the battered leather and onto her bare toes. As she crossed the street, she made sure to keep her head down.
After being shoved out of the way quite a few times, Eileen finally ducked inside the café. Tiny bells jingled, but the sound was barely heard over the loud chatter inside. There was a strong smell of caffeine and butter in the air, which Eileen inhaled with a big grin. Everywhere she looked, Eileen saw food and her stomach grumbled in protest. She squinted in the bright light and made her way over to an empty chair in the back corner. Breathing a sigh of relief, she stretched out her legs in front of her.
“Now let’s see if I have enough,” she muttered under her breath, pouring out the coins from her mug onto her scarf. A loonie, three quarters, two dimes, a nickel and some pennies – almost two dollars. It wasn’t all that much, but she could at least get some hot chocolate. Gathering the amount of change she needed, she walked to the front counter and got in line.
Outside, it was snowing harder than before. People rushed left and right, bumping into each other, apologizing, going on their way. They have somewhere to go, Eileen thought miserably. She didn’t. After this, she would have to go find some broken down building, or some other sort of shelter where she could stay until the weather was a little easier to tolerate.
“May I take your order?”
Eileen turned her head. The woman behind the counter was extremely pale, and had the most beautiful green eyes Eileen had ever seen. Under the luminous light, they seemed to twinkle. Suddenly, she envied the woman; Eileen wished she had green eyes – or blue even… Anything but that ashy grey that had long lost its silver sparkle.
“May I have a small hot chocolate, please?” Eileen asked politely, trying not to look at the large menu behind the woman’s head.
The woman – whose tag had Leah, Server written on it in bold writing – nodded her head and, after taking her money, moved onto the next customer. Eileen patiently stood to the side of the counter and waited. Finally, when she had the steaming cup hugged between her palms, she walked back to her seat which was surprisingly still empty. Eileen sat down and blew on the dark brown liquid, wanting not to burn her tongue. Then she slowly took a sip. The warm liquid slid down her throat and landed somewhere in her body. She didn’t hear it nor did she see it, but she felt it. Her stomach jumped.
When Eileen was finished her drink, she took out the rest of her change and counted it. She only had seventy five cents left. She could buy a bagel, but Eileen decided she wouldn’t do that now – she would buy one when she was leaving.
Eileen smiled to herself and looked around, her eyes searching for something, anything to be her excuse to stay in that comfortable, sheltered place. She saw a short, stubby man coming towards her, his eyes narrowed. He was wearing a large coat and black pants. On the left upper side of his chest, Eileen saw a name tag – the same one she’d seen on the woman who’d served her – and squinted to see what it read. When he was close enough, she saw that it said Tom, Manager. Eileen’s heartbeat suddenly jumped into overdrive as the man came closer.
“Young man, I’m afraid I’m going to have to ask you to leave,” the disgruntled stranger said, scanning her up and down with his beady eyes.
“Why?” Eileen retorted back, but regretted it immediately. Now he would surely kick her out. But what he said next surprised her.
“Follow me.” With that, the man turned around and entered the back room where the workers were preparing drinks and sweets. Eileen sat there for a second, then got up and followed him. People turned to stare at the two of them. Eileen tried not to look around at the food the workers were packing up, and focused instead on keeping track of where the man was leading her. He suddenly turned a sharp corner and went to his left. Eileen followed at his heels.
“Now,” the man spat, coming to a stop. He glared at her for a second, then opened the grungy door that was marked with the words Exit in large, blood-red writing. Eileen saw that it was at the back of the coffee shop, the place where they threw their trash. Before she knew what was happening, the man grabbed her by her coat and pushed her outside. Eileen landed harshly on the hardened ice. Her knees gave out and she fell flat on her stomach letting out a silent oomph.
“Don’t come back, you filthy bastard,” the man said between gritted teeth. He shook his head and shut the door loudly. Eileen blinked several times and swallowed, feeling the familiar prick of tears behind her eyes. An eerie silence followed, and all Eileen could do was lay her face cheek-down on the freezing snow and close her eyes.
After a few minutes, Eileen felt the snow underneath her melting, and her clothes starting to dampen slightly. Her muscles screamed for her to stop moving, but she brushed off the snow and limped away to an unknown destination.
A perfect snowflake slowly, secretively landed on Eileen's shoulder. So fragile, exquisite. It sat there, on top of her coat, for a few precious moments until it casually melted without a sound. Then it was gone, as though it had merely vanished into thin air.
“Please, ma’am, spare some change!” Eileen cried over the noise of the traffic. The woman whom she’d addressed shook her head mindlessly, paying Eileen no mind.
Eileen sighed heavily, a gust of mist escaping her mouth. She pulled her tattered winter coat tighter around her body and shivered, rubbing at her nose A gust of cold wind almost knocked her over, but she braced herself, gritting her teeth together so hard she was sure they would crumble. It seemed as if the cold was mocking her, secretly sneaking through every thread, every stitch of her clothes and then settling on her skin like a perfect, white snowflake – quiet, motionless.
“Sir, have mercy. I need some change.” Eileen held out her red, chipped cup out to the man, rattling it to get his attention. Again, like most of the other people, the man paid no attention to her, ignored her as if she wasn’t there. Eileen felt like hurting him, felt like taking his warm clothes away, making him suffer in the numbing cold. All he – and most of the others who happened to pass by – saw was a homeless, dirty boy, someone who didn’t have anywhere to go.
I’m a girl! she wanted to scream at everybody.
But she couldn’t. Donna Ellis, the old woman Eileen had met when she had been first kicked out of her house a year ago, had said to her, “A young girl like you is not safe on the streets.” So, having no other option, Eileen had decided that she would pretend she was a boy. It had taken barely any effort, really. All she had to do was cover her shoulder-length hair with a beanie she’d found behind Jack’s Department Store, and make sure her clothing was never too tight. Eileen had thought for sure that her soft, girly voice would cause problems, but apparently it fit her innocent face perfectly.
Eileen had been using this “disguise” for a while now, and although it still seemed to fool people, she knew different. From what she’d heard from the older girls, Eileen knew that her body would soon start to change; she would start her transformation from being a girl to a woman. As the thought crossed her mind, Eileen knew it would be hard to keep her secret when she started developing breasts.
No, she told herself firmly, blushing at the thought. I’m a boy.
Eileen shivered again. She was wearing two large shirts underneath her coat, but the cold was still too much. As she glanced up, she glimpsed the small café called Mugs across the road. It looked warm and pleasant in there, and Eileen smiled at the thought of walking inside and getting lost in the aroma of coffee. From what she could see through the glass windows, the café looked fairly crowded. Surely she wouldn’t get noticed in that big of a rush?
Slowly, cautiously, Eileen took a step onto the hardened snow in her ripped boots, feeling the cold seep through the battered leather and onto her bare toes. As she crossed the street, she made sure to keep her head down.
After being shoved out of the way quite a few times, Eileen finally ducked inside the café. Tiny bells jingled, but the sound was barely heard over the loud chatter inside. There was a strong smell of caffeine and butter in the air, which Eileen inhaled with a big grin. Everywhere she looked, Eileen saw food and her stomach grumbled in protest. She squinted in the bright light and made her way over to an empty chair in the back corner. Breathing a sigh of relief, she stretched out her legs in front of her.
“Now let’s see if I have enough,” she muttered under her breath, pouring out the coins from her mug onto her scarf. A loonie, three quarters, two dimes, a nickel and some pennies – almost two dollars. It wasn’t all that much, but she could at least get some hot chocolate. Gathering the amount of change she needed, she walked to the front counter and got in line.
Outside, it was snowing harder than before. People rushed left and right, bumping into each other, apologizing, going on their way. They have somewhere to go, Eileen thought miserably. She didn’t. After this, she would have to go find some broken down building, or some other sort of shelter where she could stay until the weather was a little easier to tolerate.
“May I take your order?”
Eileen turned her head. The woman behind the counter was extremely pale, and had the most beautiful green eyes Eileen had ever seen. Under the luminous light, they seemed to twinkle. Suddenly, she envied the woman; Eileen wished she had green eyes – or blue even… Anything but that ashy grey that had long lost its silver sparkle.
“May I have a small hot chocolate, please?” Eileen asked politely, trying not to look at the large menu behind the woman’s head.
The woman – whose tag had Leah, Server written on it in bold writing – nodded her head and, after taking her money, moved onto the next customer. Eileen patiently stood to the side of the counter and waited. Finally, when she had the steaming cup hugged between her palms, she walked back to her seat which was surprisingly still empty. Eileen sat down and blew on the dark brown liquid, wanting not to burn her tongue. Then she slowly took a sip. The warm liquid slid down her throat and landed somewhere in her body. She didn’t hear it nor did she see it, but she felt it. Her stomach jumped.
When Eileen was finished her drink, she took out the rest of her change and counted it. She only had seventy five cents left. She could buy a bagel, but Eileen decided she wouldn’t do that now – she would buy one when she was leaving.
Eileen smiled to herself and looked around, her eyes searching for something, anything to be her excuse to stay in that comfortable, sheltered place. She saw a short, stubby man coming towards her, his eyes narrowed. He was wearing a large coat and black pants. On the left upper side of his chest, Eileen saw a name tag – the same one she’d seen on the woman who’d served her – and squinted to see what it read. When he was close enough, she saw that it said Tom, Manager. Eileen’s heartbeat suddenly jumped into overdrive as the man came closer.
“Young man, I’m afraid I’m going to have to ask you to leave,” the disgruntled stranger said, scanning her up and down with his beady eyes.
“Why?” Eileen retorted back, but regretted it immediately. Now he would surely kick her out. But what he said next surprised her.
“Follow me.” With that, the man turned around and entered the back room where the workers were preparing drinks and sweets. Eileen sat there for a second, then got up and followed him. People turned to stare at the two of them. Eileen tried not to look around at the food the workers were packing up, and focused instead on keeping track of where the man was leading her. He suddenly turned a sharp corner and went to his left. Eileen followed at his heels.
“Now,” the man spat, coming to a stop. He glared at her for a second, then opened the grungy door that was marked with the words Exit in large, blood-red writing. Eileen saw that it was at the back of the coffee shop, the place where they threw their trash. Before she knew what was happening, the man grabbed her by her coat and pushed her outside. Eileen landed harshly on the hardened ice. Her knees gave out and she fell flat on her stomach letting out a silent oomph.
“Don’t come back, you filthy bastard,” the man said between gritted teeth. He shook his head and shut the door loudly. Eileen blinked several times and swallowed, feeling the familiar prick of tears behind her eyes. An eerie silence followed, and all Eileen could do was lay her face cheek-down on the freezing snow and close her eyes.
After a few minutes, Eileen felt the snow underneath her melting, and her clothes starting to dampen slightly. Her muscles screamed for her to stop moving, but she brushed off the snow and limped away to an unknown destination.
A perfect snowflake slowly, secretively landed on Eileen's shoulder. So fragile, exquisite. It sat there, on top of her coat, for a few precious moments until it casually melted without a sound. Then it was gone, as though it had merely vanished into thin air.