Down With Love
Chapter 14
I knew I was an awful person for it… she was crying, she was in pain, she was obviously hurting… but I loved the feeling of her in my arms. She was so fragile, not just in that she was so small, but with every shaken sob she let out causing my torso to tremble, my heart rate increased. In waves parallel to her tremors of sadness, I felt myself falling more and more in love. Sure, I was the first person she’d seen, but she came to me. She trusted me, she trusted me enough to come to me, to cry against my chest, to let me wrap my arms around her and hold her so close, despite her vulnerable tears and outfit. That’s when it hit me. She trusted me. For all her complaining, for all her hating, for all her making fun of me, she trusted me. And while this was amazing, I knew at that moment, I couldn’t do it. It wasn’t as easy as “going for it,” it wasn’t as easy as I’d professed, drunkenly to Matt. She was vulnerable but she trusted me. I couldn’t ruin that, I couldn’t destroy that. With a deep breath, I looked down at her.
“You want to talk about it?” I asked, my voice barely reaching a whisper. It was then that I realized that while I was lost in my train of thought, her sobs had resided, her breathing had turned deep and even. I smiled slightly, and nuzzled my face in her hair, stroking her head with one hand while keeping the other on her back. I’d put her to sleep on the couch in a minute. But for now, I just wanted to sit here with her. It took me a while longer, savoring the moment, adoring every second of her breathing against me, before I slowly lay her down on the couch. I hesitated between floor and bunk, before finally deciding to sleep on the floor beside her… she’d seemed so torn up, what if she woke up in the night, crying again?
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I woke up in the morning in a state of blissful confusion. Why was my head hurting? I hadn’t been drinking last night… But it didn’t take me long to remember, especially when I caught my reflection in the reflective surface of the microwave across the bus. Between the sight of my swollen eyes and streaked eyeliner, and what happened last night, I just wanted to break down crying, to hide under the blankets all day, or even all year. A tear ran down my face, but I knew I had to work, so I took a deep breath before it could turn into sobbing, and took a step off of the couch, my foot landing on something squishy. I shrieked, jumping up immediately, and looking down to see a disgruntled Jimmy lying on the floor, clutching his stomach.
“What the fuck!” he groaned, once he could breathe again.
“What the fuck, me?! What the fuck you!” I exclaimed from my perch standing on the seats of the couch. “What the fuck are you doing on the floor next to my bed?!”
“You were crying,” He climbed off the floor and stood upright, dusting himself off where I’d stepped on him. I rolled my eyes. Typical.
“And what the fuck does that have to do with anything?” I demanded, arching an eyebrow. God, he was so not what I wanted to deal with after last night, at nine in the morning.
“I was worried you’d wake up and be upset, because you cried yourself to sleep and you weren’t in pyjamas. So once I put you to bed on the couch, I decided to sleep on the floor next to you so that if you woke up In the middle of the night you wouldn’t feel lonely and even more upset.” He stood there, hands on his hips, and I was completely lost for words. I opened my mouth to stutter “Y-you what?” a number of times, that all that came out were some high-pitched spluttering noises. So I just stood there. Standing on the couch, I was eye-to-eye with him, and we just locked in place, our eyes meeting, staring at each other.
“It’s nine,” he said suddenly. “You have to work and you’re not dressed.” And with that, Jimmy spun around, and walked out of the bus. Fucking bastard.
Impulsively, I hopped off the couch, and ran to the door of the bus, not really bothered that countless Warped crew, mostly male and all lonely, could see me and my lack of pants. “Wait, Jimmy?” I called after him. He wasn’t far away, so he turned around to listen. “Can we talk later? About last night?” I paused, sensing what seemed to be hesitation in his face. “Over a video game marathon?” I sweetened the deal. A smirk crept onto Jimmy’s face, and I knew he’d say yes.
“Y’better not ditch me this time, girl,” he shouted back with a wink, and I had to smile, meeting his eyes, before going back into the bus to change, and to wipe the makeup off my face. God, between all of that- makeup, outfit, the way I shouted after him- everyone around, I’m sure, got entirely the wrong impression. Yeah, right. Me, sleep with Jimmy. Hah.
“You want to talk about it?” I asked, my voice barely reaching a whisper. It was then that I realized that while I was lost in my train of thought, her sobs had resided, her breathing had turned deep and even. I smiled slightly, and nuzzled my face in her hair, stroking her head with one hand while keeping the other on her back. I’d put her to sleep on the couch in a minute. But for now, I just wanted to sit here with her. It took me a while longer, savoring the moment, adoring every second of her breathing against me, before I slowly lay her down on the couch. I hesitated between floor and bunk, before finally deciding to sleep on the floor beside her… she’d seemed so torn up, what if she woke up in the night, crying again?
-----
I woke up in the morning in a state of blissful confusion. Why was my head hurting? I hadn’t been drinking last night… But it didn’t take me long to remember, especially when I caught my reflection in the reflective surface of the microwave across the bus. Between the sight of my swollen eyes and streaked eyeliner, and what happened last night, I just wanted to break down crying, to hide under the blankets all day, or even all year. A tear ran down my face, but I knew I had to work, so I took a deep breath before it could turn into sobbing, and took a step off of the couch, my foot landing on something squishy. I shrieked, jumping up immediately, and looking down to see a disgruntled Jimmy lying on the floor, clutching his stomach.
“What the fuck!” he groaned, once he could breathe again.
“What the fuck, me?! What the fuck you!” I exclaimed from my perch standing on the seats of the couch. “What the fuck are you doing on the floor next to my bed?!”
“You were crying,” He climbed off the floor and stood upright, dusting himself off where I’d stepped on him. I rolled my eyes. Typical.
“And what the fuck does that have to do with anything?” I demanded, arching an eyebrow. God, he was so not what I wanted to deal with after last night, at nine in the morning.
“I was worried you’d wake up and be upset, because you cried yourself to sleep and you weren’t in pyjamas. So once I put you to bed on the couch, I decided to sleep on the floor next to you so that if you woke up In the middle of the night you wouldn’t feel lonely and even more upset.” He stood there, hands on his hips, and I was completely lost for words. I opened my mouth to stutter “Y-you what?” a number of times, that all that came out were some high-pitched spluttering noises. So I just stood there. Standing on the couch, I was eye-to-eye with him, and we just locked in place, our eyes meeting, staring at each other.
“It’s nine,” he said suddenly. “You have to work and you’re not dressed.” And with that, Jimmy spun around, and walked out of the bus. Fucking bastard.
Impulsively, I hopped off the couch, and ran to the door of the bus, not really bothered that countless Warped crew, mostly male and all lonely, could see me and my lack of pants. “Wait, Jimmy?” I called after him. He wasn’t far away, so he turned around to listen. “Can we talk later? About last night?” I paused, sensing what seemed to be hesitation in his face. “Over a video game marathon?” I sweetened the deal. A smirk crept onto Jimmy’s face, and I knew he’d say yes.
“Y’better not ditch me this time, girl,” he shouted back with a wink, and I had to smile, meeting his eyes, before going back into the bus to change, and to wipe the makeup off my face. God, between all of that- makeup, outfit, the way I shouted after him- everyone around, I’m sure, got entirely the wrong impression. Yeah, right. Me, sleep with Jimmy. Hah.
♠ ♠ ♠
FOR KATELYN <3