My Life, My Paramore

I paced the linoleum. "Okay... so. This is... this is kinda bad. Kinda? This is very bad." I sat down, very hard, into the wooden chair at the table. "Almost as bad as the fact that I'm talking to myself. Again. Maybe Josh was right."

I shot up out of the chair, smacking myself so hard with the heel of my hand against my forehead that I saw stars dance across the momentary darkness the impact created. My feet led me into more subconscious pacing as I pressed cool fingertips to my forehead. "Ow. Why am I so stupid!?"

I stormed back into the living room, greeted by three pairs of eyes.

"Geez, sunshine, what's eating you?" Zac muttered as I stalked across the carpet. I plopped down onto the couch next to him, and he threw a wary glance at me. The expression on his face almost looked like he believed I might bite his ear off or something. I might've laughed, another time. He raised an eyebrow. "Having some difficulties?"

"Humph." I folded my arms across my chest.

"Yeah," Jeremy chipped in. "We heard you yelling at yourself. But by the way... I don't think you're stupid." He gave me a faltering smile. "Well... not all the time, anyway."

Usually, I would have laughed. He knew, or he wouldn't have said it. So when I just glared, he blanched. "Umm..."

"I'm not in the mood, okay?" I muttered, turning to stare blankly at the wall.

"Must've been some bad mail..." Josh muttered from my other side. He rested a comforting hand on my shoulder, even though he had no idea what was wrong. I just shrugged it off. "Geez..." he muttered, crossing his arms.

"Just... don't try, okay?" I glanced at him, feeling bad for the hurt in his eyes. I sighed, and my voice quieted. "It's not your fault. I just... Sorry. I dunno." The look of fear of my teeth on Zac and Jeremy's faces told me that only Josh had heard me.

Hayley danced into the room, all smiles. She glanced at me, and rolled her eyes at my sulky mood. "What, the mail bite you?"

"Don't tempt her..." Jeremy muttered. "She might bite you."

"Hey..." Josh muttered. "Give her a break, okay?"

She rolled her eyes, "Yeah, okay." Her gaze turned to me, and she threw me a grin. "She can try to bite me, anyway. See what kind of luck she has with that."

I attempted a smile. I guess it wasn't really their fault that I was stupid enough to tear up all the mail. I guess.

She gave me a nod of approval. "See? Not so hard, eh?" A real grin spread on her face. "Good. Well. I'm going to the store." Nod. "Don't forget. MusicMemoirs. Yes. Bye."

I bit the inside of my cheek, fighting the fresh wave of guilt and trying to keep the fake half smile plastered to my face. "Bye, doll. Buy me something nice."

**

The span of a few shows later, when I had sunken back into my bad mood and soaked in it for a bit, Josh turned to me. "You wanna tell us what's wrong?"

"Yeah, man," Zac chirped. "We might be like, you know, natural born shrinks or something. Try us on for size."

I smirked.

"See? Better already." He smiled, laying his head on my shoulder. His hair tickled my chin as he rubbed his cheek on my shirt. "Eh? Eh??"

"Oh, get off me," I laughed. "I don't think it's anything you can really help with."

Hayley's POV

I closed my eyes and flinched as the impact I hadn’t seen coming became unpreventable.

As my car spun out of control, I fought to keep hold of the hysterics that threatened to surface in my brain. They tried to spread into my stomach and around my heart as my eyes watched in horror the scene that played out before me. The car seemed to almost be spinning in slow motion, though everything around me was blurred with the speed I was spinning at. My control slowly slipped as I headed directly for a light pole. I screamed, once. It's all I had time to do.

The front of my car smashed into a v-shape, and unbelievably the air bag didn't inflate. My forehead crashed against the hard rubber of the middle of the steering wheel. It had never seemed so comfortable.

Slowly, my consciousness slipped away.

Emily's POV

"Umm, guys... We kind of might have a problem." I glanced up from my sulking to look at the television. The face on it, though a bandage surrounded the forehead, was scarily familiar. I cringed as the overly-happy-crack-induced-wakefulness loud voice practically yelled words that made me want to cry.

"And it was decided that Hayley Williams would have to be hospitalized overnight, though she seems fine, to watch for any complications that may arise. Just thirty minutes earlier, this young lady was driving when another car crashed into her vehicle. The other driver was strangely uninjured, as was her passenger. Though she offered to pay for every medical bill, Hayley gracefully declined. More details soon to come."

I had thought that Hayley had been gone for a bit too long. What kind of an awful sister was I that I wouldn't even check up on my sibling? And now, she was in the hospital.

This day was just going to keep getting worse, wasn't it?