My Life, My Paramore
Five
“Okay, so it all started when I was shunned.”
I watched amazement travel through the girl's eyes. But it wasn't a good amazement. It was more of a 'she-might-be-wondering-if-I-am-crazy' type of amazement. The tone of her voice reflected her facial expression. "You were... shunned?"
I laughed. She didn't pick it up, but it was more of a nervous laugh than anything. I felt like something was wrong. It was pushing at the back of my mind, but I couldn't pin it down. I shook off the feeling. "Well, okay, maybe not shunned." Geez, I'm an idiot. "But they were all making fun of me!" That was better... right? I frowned slightly at the memory. "I was trying to see the television, and everyone was in my way. They wouldn't move. And they called me short."
At least she seemed like she didn't think I was crazy anymore. Or, not as much. She huffed. "I know how that is. Everyone always makes fun of me. And, they also laugh at me when I fall asleep in class. I mean, it isn't my fault I'm tired..."
"Exactly." Did I care about that...? I would, later. But not now. I had to get this out before Hayley woke up. "So anyway, since no one was paying attention to me, I went to check the mail. And since no one tells me anything, I didn't know we were expecting anything. So I tore it all up because I though it was junk."
"You tore up the mail?" Great, there's that 'what, are you crazy?' look again. First I'm a scary monster, then I should be in a mental home? I think she was the crazy one. And does she have to look at me like I'm stupid?
I hung her head. Everyone's a critic. "Yes... And..." I trailed off, the feeling still in the back of my head. It made me feel rushed, like I was in a hurry. Like something was wrong. My words came in a sudden, frantic rush. "And then Hayley came in, and told me to watch for a certain letter, so I said okay, then I saw that I had tore it up and dumped coffee on it, so I was scared and angry and sad, and no one would leave me alone, and then Hayley got in a car crash, and I didn't find out for a long time, so I felt bad, and.." Can't-breathe! I stopped, and took a deep breath. Did I really just say all that without breathing? "I... I just don't know what to do..."
She stared at me, and I watched a number of things flash across her face. Guilt, bafflement, pity... At least she didn't seem to think I was crazy. Again. "Wow."
Was that really all she could say?
**
I sat there after Lohgan left, stunned that I had just told a complete stranger such a heavy secret. I mean, I didn't even know the girl. Plus, the fact that she had looked afraid of me at first. She was probably easily intimidated. What if... What if Hayley went up to her, just to talk, and the girl spilled her guts?
Oh, who am I kidding? Hayley probably wouldn't get a chance to talk to her. She'd be busy with her newfound fame, over her 'near death' experience. Besides, Lohgan would probably feel too bad to even want to talk. Everything would be fine. I'd just go to MusicMemoirs, explain what happened, and it would all be fixed.
The feeling in the back of my head surfaced again. A thought occurred to me. Something was off in this room. I focused, trying to figure out what it was. The room was too quiet. I hadn't noticed, when we had been talking, because we'd filled in the silence. But now, I could've heard a pin drop. Or a pen. It needed... music, or a television playing. It needed less snoring from the sleeper. Wait... Snoring?
My jaw dropped. "Uh oh." There was no snoring. How long...?
Hayley sat up in her bed. She definitely did not look pleased. Obviously, there had been no snoring for too long. "You're dang right, 'uh oh.' You have some explaining to do, Emily dear."
I guess this means I don't have to worry about Lohgan spilling.
I watched amazement travel through the girl's eyes. But it wasn't a good amazement. It was more of a 'she-might-be-wondering-if-I-am-crazy' type of amazement. The tone of her voice reflected her facial expression. "You were... shunned?"
I laughed. She didn't pick it up, but it was more of a nervous laugh than anything. I felt like something was wrong. It was pushing at the back of my mind, but I couldn't pin it down. I shook off the feeling. "Well, okay, maybe not shunned." Geez, I'm an idiot. "But they were all making fun of me!" That was better... right? I frowned slightly at the memory. "I was trying to see the television, and everyone was in my way. They wouldn't move. And they called me short."
At least she seemed like she didn't think I was crazy anymore. Or, not as much. She huffed. "I know how that is. Everyone always makes fun of me. And, they also laugh at me when I fall asleep in class. I mean, it isn't my fault I'm tired..."
"Exactly." Did I care about that...? I would, later. But not now. I had to get this out before Hayley woke up. "So anyway, since no one was paying attention to me, I went to check the mail. And since no one tells me anything, I didn't know we were expecting anything. So I tore it all up because I though it was junk."
"You tore up the mail?" Great, there's that 'what, are you crazy?' look again. First I'm a scary monster, then I should be in a mental home? I think she was the crazy one. And does she have to look at me like I'm stupid?
I hung her head. Everyone's a critic. "Yes... And..." I trailed off, the feeling still in the back of my head. It made me feel rushed, like I was in a hurry. Like something was wrong. My words came in a sudden, frantic rush. "And then Hayley came in, and told me to watch for a certain letter, so I said okay, then I saw that I had tore it up and dumped coffee on it, so I was scared and angry and sad, and no one would leave me alone, and then Hayley got in a car crash, and I didn't find out for a long time, so I felt bad, and.." Can't-breathe! I stopped, and took a deep breath. Did I really just say all that without breathing? "I... I just don't know what to do..."
She stared at me, and I watched a number of things flash across her face. Guilt, bafflement, pity... At least she didn't seem to think I was crazy. Again. "Wow."
Was that really all she could say?
**
I sat there after Lohgan left, stunned that I had just told a complete stranger such a heavy secret. I mean, I didn't even know the girl. Plus, the fact that she had looked afraid of me at first. She was probably easily intimidated. What if... What if Hayley went up to her, just to talk, and the girl spilled her guts?
Oh, who am I kidding? Hayley probably wouldn't get a chance to talk to her. She'd be busy with her newfound fame, over her 'near death' experience. Besides, Lohgan would probably feel too bad to even want to talk. Everything would be fine. I'd just go to MusicMemoirs, explain what happened, and it would all be fixed.
The feeling in the back of my head surfaced again. A thought occurred to me. Something was off in this room. I focused, trying to figure out what it was. The room was too quiet. I hadn't noticed, when we had been talking, because we'd filled in the silence. But now, I could've heard a pin drop. Or a pen. It needed... music, or a television playing. It needed less snoring from the sleeper. Wait... Snoring?
My jaw dropped. "Uh oh." There was no snoring. How long...?
Hayley sat up in her bed. She definitely did not look pleased. Obviously, there had been no snoring for too long. "You're dang right, 'uh oh.' You have some explaining to do, Emily dear."
I guess this means I don't have to worry about Lohgan spilling.