First You Fall

“I don’t know what I did!” I grieved as we drove home Wednesday after school. “Do you think he’s mad at me for not hanging out with him yesterday?”

“Why would he be mad at you? You invited him over today.” She said, trying her best to subdue my paranoia.

“He ignored me all day, and he never even showed up to lunch. You can’t tell me that isn’t strange.” Fear welled up inside of me. He hates me. He’s never going to talk to me again, I thought, regretting that I asked him to come in the first place. “I told you he would get sick of me.”

“Settle down Jay. He’s probably just got a lot on his mind or something.” Her suggestion didn’t help much, and I remained silent the rest of the way home. “Call me once your mom gets here so I know to watch for you.” She patted my shoulder, and I nodded my head dejectedly. Once I got into the house I head straight for the couch, falling backwards onto the cushion and closing my eyes. I knew it seemed too good to be true. My cell ring tone broke the uncomfortable silence, and I when I checked the caller-ID, I was startled to see Destery’s name glaring up at me.

“Hey.” I said indifferently into the phone.

“Hey, Jacey listen…” He trailed off, remaining silent for a few excruciating seconds. This doesn’t sound good. “About tonight, I just can’t really see hanging out with you two being any fun. I’m gonna have to pass.” My eyes stung, and my breath started coming in short, restricting gasps. I flipped my phone shut and stared dazedly up at my ceiling. This is going to continue happening for the rest of my life, I concluded, a salty tear sliding down the side of my face and into my hair. I’m going to meet some guy, and he’s going to pretend to like me. Then he’s going to turn around and leave me, just like my mom does to every single one of her boyfriends. Just like I know she’s going to do with Russ, who actually seems like a decent guy. I can’t do this; I don’t want to suffer anymore.

With the tears finally cascading from my eyes, completely blurring my vision, I navigated myself to my room the best I could. Once inside, I scraped the floor for any loose piece of paper big enough to scribble a note on. After I finally found a piece, I sat at my desk, scratching down all of the rambling, meaningless thoughts that came to me as I attempted to explain myself to anyone who might in the slightest bit care. After I completely filled the paper in my messy scrawl, I slammed the pencil onto my desk, carelessly letting it fall to the ground. I stood from my desk, knocking over the chair in the process, spun around, and my eyes landed on Des’s sweatshirt. What’s that doing here? I thought, but remembered that I never returned it too him. Thanks asshole, I scream in my mind, rip the sweatshirt from my bed and toss it hard onto the floor stomping on it a few times in pure rage. Finally, I stumbled my way out of my room and across the hall into the bathroom where my mom kept all of our medicines. After I shut the door and grabbed as many pill bottles as I could fit in my hands, I let myself slide down the wall onto the cold linoleum floor. My whole body quaked with each forthcoming sob as I tried to desperately open the bottle before I had a chance to change my mind.

“Damn it.” I screamed when I realized I forgot to get a water to swallow the pills with, and I quickly filled the glass that sat on the ledge of the sink. I dropped myself back to the ground, picked up the nearest bottle, and began shaking pills out into my hand. The first flash of common sense hit me when I saw the name on the bottle and I silently cursed myself for the distraction. Austin. How am I even thinking of leaving him? I launched the pill bottle at the closed door out of frustration and drew my knees to my chest, leaning against the bathtub for support. I can’t do this…

“Jacey?” A muffled voice called from somewhere outside of the door, preceding a soft knock. “Jacey, are you in there?” It sounds like…But it couldn’t be? The door slowly opened, and Destery’s head peeked inside. “Oh my God, Jacey. We were so worried about you.” He rushed in and kneeled down in front of me, smoothing my hair back away from my face. In his other hand he held the sweatshirt I had thrown, and he carefully draped it around my shoulders.

“What are you doing here?” I asked. My voice grew unsteady, both from anger and the fact that I’d just spent the last ten minutes trying to kill myself.

“I went to Amber’s for your movie night. She told me that you wouldn’t answer her calls and I got worried.” Seeing the fear etched into his features, accompanying his words, made me realize just how stupid and selfish I acted.

“I thought you didn’t want to come because we were too boring for you.” I spat angrily, glaring up into his eyes. To my surprise he laughed. “Why are you laughing?”

“Jacey, do you realize what day it is?” He asked, pulling me tightly against his body. I shook my head against him and strangled his waist with my arms, glad to hold on to anything solid. “It’s April Fools Day, silly!” Duh! I placed my hands on his chest and forced myself away from him so I could look at his face.

“So, you don’t hate me?” He shook his head, wiped the stray tears that escaped from my eyes. “Then why did you ignore me all day?”

“It was part of the joke.” He explained, and then to answer my next question he added, “I wasn’t at lunch because I left to get you something. If I would have known that the joke would have upset you this much I would never have done it.” He whispered, tucking a strand of hair behind my ear, and then gently trailing his hands down my arms until he found mine. “What happened Jay?” I sheepishly let my eyes fall to the floor.

“It’s a long story.” I mumbled. When I didn’t elaborate further, I felt Destery stand and pull me up with him.

“You don’t have to tell me.” He said sincerely, leading me from the bathroom and out of my house. Once I got myself situated in the passenger seat of his car, he reached behind him and came back with a Hot Topic bag. “I noticed your purse had Zim on it, and when I saw him at the mall the other day I just had to get it for you.” He explained shyly as I pulled out a green, dog-like stuffed animal with a zipper going up its front and a tongue hanging out.

“Gir!” I squealed, hugging the robot-dog to my chest. “Thank you so much Destery.” I pulled him to me in the best hug I could manage with a seat belt on.

“You’re welcome.” He chuckled, softly stroking my back. “Now, let’s get to Amber’s. She’s probably worried sick about you.”

~

“Last one.” I grunted, carrying a large box into my room at my dad’s apartment. “Thanks for helping, guys.” I looked to Des and Amber, who designated their first day of summer break to helping my brother and I move into my dad’s house.

“No problem.” Destery pulled me into a warm embrace, planting a soft kiss on my forehead. I wrapped my arms around his waist and leaned my head on his chest, breathing in his intoxicating scent.

“I hate to say this, Jay, but it’s getting late.” My dad said from the doorway. I took a side-glance at my clock, sighing when I saw it read 10:37.

“Who would have thought it could take this long to move two people’s things into a house three blocks away?” Amber questioned in disbelief. “I’ll probably see you tomorrow anyways, Jay. Bye Des.”

“Bye.” We both called out to her as she exited the room.

“I’ll call you tomorrow, alright?” Des whispered in my ear, the light breeze sending goose bumps down my arms.

“Bye.” I whispered, and he let me go, finally leaving me alone. With a content sigh, I sprawled out on my new bed, finally free from my mother. For a short while I made comforter-angels with my arms, and stopped when I hit something soft. I rolled onto my stomach and saw my old T-rex, Jenson, sitting on my pillow. “Come here, you.” I giggled, picking him up and carrying him over to my dresser. “You two can be buddies now.” I whispered, setting him down on a mini couch that I used to use for my bigger stuffed animals right next to the Gir that Des bought me. My mind flashed back to that night, and I suddenly realized how lucky I am to have people who cared about me as much as Amber, Des, my dad, and Austin. For the first time in years, I felt only one emotion as I let myself drift into a peaceful, sound sleep; happiness.