The Words I Thought I Would Never Say

"Why are we buying these again?" Riley asked as she stood in the bait shop on the edge of the lake with Zacky, Brian and me staring at the white plastic container of worms in her hands.

"Because that's what the fish eat. It's how you catch them." Zacky explained to her softly as she looked up at him with a weird facial expression.

"I think you're nuts Zacky." She said as she shook her head softly.

"He's right babe." Brian piped in as he received his change from the cashier who was chuckling softly at the exchange happening.

Zacky picked Riley up and started to lead the small group out the door of the bait shop.
The rest of the crew was already on the boat we had rented and were setting up for the day. Kacie and I had made sandwiches for everyone for lunch and packed a cooler full of beer, sodas, chips, and a whole mass of junk food. The guys were in charge of the fishing equipment which I suppose made them feel manly as opposed to making food. They were happy with their assignment.

"She asks a lot of questions you know." Brian chuckled as Riley continued to chat Zacky's ear off and ask why fish eat worms as we boarded the boat.

"I know. She's going to be the death of me someday. She's going through her 'why' phase lately so this doesn’t surprise me in the least. At least Zacky's getting the brunt of it today and not me for once."

"Uncle Matt! We got worms!" Riley exclaimed as she showed Matt the large tub of worms in her hands.

"Alright babe! Did you see the worms yet?"

Riley's face scrunched up as she handed him the tub. "Eww. No way! Worms are gross." She stated as she folded her arms over her chest.

Zacky sat down on one of the chairs and placed Riles in his lap for the moment.

Everyone looked so comfortable sprawled out around the boat. What surprised me was the sheer size of the vessel. It wasn't just a little pontoon boat or anything. This thing was a mini yacht. Complete with a small kitchen and a bunk area underneath. There were cushioned seats on the top deck where everyone was hanging out with the exception of Jimmy who was up top steering the boat out of the dock and onto the lake.

Jimmy steering the boat had me a little worried but Brian and Zacky had both assured me that he knew what he was doing. I suppose it was probably safer to have him steer than to have me steer.

"Do you think Riley needs a life vest?" I asked Matt as I sat beside him where he and Brian were now getting the fishing rods all fixed with weights and such.

"I think she'll be fine without one. It's not like she's going to go jump overboard or anything. Not to mention there's what, seven adults here to watch her."

"If anything happens to her I'm blaming you Matthew."

Brian snorted out a laugh at Matt being called by his full name. Matt however knew I meant business. If I ever blamed anyone for something it was usually Matt because well, it was usually his fault. Growing up if something went wrong, it was Matt who caused it to go wrong. For example, I'll never forget the time I was visiting for the summer and Matt told me we were going to take his dad's car to the beach. Sounded like a good plan right? Right. Up until we realized it needed gas. Matt, totally not thinking straight, accidentally put diesel fuel in the car instead of regular. He was stumped as to why it wouldn’t run. His dad was so pissed when he had to come get us. Not to mention the bill to get the gas all funneled out and cleaned so it would run again.

That was the thing about Matt, he had good ideas, they just didn’t always get executed the correct way.

I stood up and went to sit beside Kacie who was snuggled up against Johnny.

"What's up lovebirds?"

My tease earned me a shove in the arm from Johnny but Kacie just laughed. "Nothing chicka. Just chilling."

"Ay short shit! Get over here and help!" Brian called to Johnny when he noticed he was getting off easy with having to comfort his girl. Johnny just flipped him off in return but decided to go help anyway, leaving Kacie and I to chat.

"Uh oh." Kacie mumbled as she saw Zacky carry Riley over to where Brian sat smirking with the tub of worms sitting in his lap.

Riley wrapped her arms around Zacky's neck as he sat next to his fellow guitarist.

Brian slowly lifted the lid off of the container and Riley turned her head to look in.

"What? Where's the worms? It's all dirt!" She said in disappointment when all she saw was the black bits of dirt on the top of the container.

"You gotta dig for them." Brian told her sneakily.

He reached his fingers into the dirt before pulling out a slimy worm covered in dirt and setting it in his hand where it wiggled around.

"Eww!" Riley squealed as Brian held his hand over to her. "Get it away!" She laughed as he picked it up between two of his fingers and wiggled it toward where she was still clinging to Zacky.

"Brian stop!" She wiggled out of Zacky's arms and ran over to me instead. Brian's smirk only grew as he spotted where his target had moved to. I gulped as he stood up and moved toward we three girls with the worm still in his hand.

"Brian don't you dare come over here with that." I warmed him firmly as Riley climbed up into my lap.

"Why not? What're you going to do if I do?" He asked as he took a step closer. Kacie immediately stood up and shuffled over to where the other guys were, leaving me and Riley to fen for ourselves.

"Run to Uncle Matt." I whispered to Riley as I let go of her and watched her scoot around Brian's leg and ran into Matt's arms.

"I'll deal with you later." He told Riley in a teasing word. His eyes never left mine though as he continued to advance on me with the worm in hand.

Now let's be clear on this. I'm not scared of worms. In fact I don't mind them at all. The only time I mind them is when they're in the hands of any of the five members of Avenged Sevenfold. In that case the scenario tends to go from innocent to anything but.

I watched as Brian's eyes darted to the neck of my shirt where my cleavage was slightly showing. His smirk only increased and before I knew it he had pounced forward and had me pinned on the bench cushion flat on my back.

The worm was now struggling in his fingers as he dangled it above the gap in between my boobs. "Brian don't you dare." I warned as I started to freak out a bit.

His knees were pressing into the sides of my thighs as he held them together between his legs. His right arm which wasn't holding the worm hostage was busy holding me down across my collar bone.

His lips twisted up in a smirk and he dropped the squirming worm right down my shirt causing me to let out a high pitched scream and struggle. Brian released my collar bone and let me bring my arms up to reach in and pull the small slimy creature out from in between my boobs.

The guys started howling with laughter while Kacie and Riley both looked mortified at what had just happened.

I shuddered before tossing the worm at Brian who was still straddling me casually. He just brushed it off onto the floor before continuing with his laughing fit.

"Congratulations Brian. You win the world's biggest third grader award." I scowled at him from my position below him.

Wow. That sounded incredibly wrong. I thought to myself casually.

"Can I get up now?" I asked as I struggled under his weight.

Kacie giggled and covered Riley's eyes for a moment. When I turned back to face Brian it was to see that his face had moved dangerously close to my own.

"What if I like you squirming underneath me?" I ceased any and all movements and narrowed my eyes at him.

"Well then you'd better get used to dreaming because that's the only way that'll happen." I told him as I folded my arms across my chest.

"We'll see about that." He replied before hopping off of me and straightening himself out.

He tucked his hands in his hoodie pockets, which was the same one I had taken hostage yesterday, after he helped me sit up. He sat down beside me and Riley returned to me with a paper towel in hand.

"Here Mommy. It's for the worm yuckies." She said as she eyed my chest area still with her face scrunched up tightly in disgust. I took the paper towel from her before Brian lifted her into his lap. I dabbed the paper towel down my cleavage since there was in fact dirt and some slime left over. When I was finished I balled up the paper towel and chucked it at Brian's head which it promptly bounced off and landed on the ground.

"Hey." He said as he frowned playfully.

"Brian! You're fucking phone won't stop fucking ringing!" Jimmy yelled from the wheel house. His language made Riley scowl at him as he hung his head out the window to yell at Brian.

Brian handed Riley off to Matt who she hugged tightly with a grin on her face before he made his way to retrieve his phone from his backpack.

"Hey girls, how about some beers?" My head swiveled in Zacky's direction to look at him questioningly.

"What?" I asked to make sure I had heard him right.

"I'm not your beer girl Baker. Go get it yourself." Kacie laughed lightheartedly.

"I've got it." I sighed once I sense a bicker going to start at the look on Zacky's face. If there was one thing I learned about Kacie it was that she didn’t let other people tell her what to do. It was a good trait sometimes. I enjoyed watching her eyes narrow whenever one of the guys would mention that we 'should' do something. It made me chuckle.

I stood up from my seat and made my way into the kitchen and lounge area. I heard a muffled voice coming from the small hallway that led to the bunk area. Curiosity killed me as I knew it was Brian on the phone. I silently crept closer to the hallway so I was able to pick up his words.

"I won't be back until later in the week. I know. I miss you too. I'll see you when I get back. Alright. Bye baby."

Baby. You mean to tell me he hadn't broken up with that whore?

I knew it was too good to be true. Brian always was and always will be the player. If his dick isn’t satisfied then he isn’t satisfied. I just don't get it. I shouldn't have to though. This is Brian we're talking about. This doesn’t surprise me.

I tried extremely hard to convince myself that I didn’t care what he did. It was his life and he could live it however he pleased. It just irked me that he chose to live it this way.

I grabbed the beers out of the mini cooler before slamming the lid shut.

Brian entered the kitchen just as I was leaving. His gaze caught mine and I just scowled before turning heel and walking toward the back deck without so much as a second glance. His face had looked sort of mortified and I'm sure he knew I had heard him talking.

I stepped out into the fresh air and tossed each of the guys a beer. The boat had since stopped moving and was anchored to the floor of the lake. Jimmy had joined the group and had a fishing pole in his hand. His infamous sailor hat was perched atop his head and was making Riley laugh at how weird he looked.

Kacie's eyes met my own and it was apparent she recognized that something was wrong. I however, didn't want anyone to ask so I sat down beside Matt and Riley.

"Ready to fish mommy?" Riley asked me as Matt handed her the small pole that the guys had bought specially for her.

"Sure thing babe."

Riley held her pole while Matt hooked a worm on the end of the pole for her. She watched in interest and disgust as the worm continued to wiggle on the end even though it was skewered. Her arms reached out to hold the pole as far away from her as possible. It was a cute sight. She was such a girl. Much like myself at times.

"Ok now what?" She asked Matt as she stood with the pole still outstretched.

"Now you come over here and we'll throw your line out. Here watch Johnny." He told her as he stood her up on the seat. She stood with Matt's hands on her waist as she watched Johnny move the pole over his shoulder and then release the line out into the water. He then set the pole in one of the small holders so it could sit and he didn’t have to hang onto it the entire time.

"Ok." Riley said as she imitated Johnny's movements. However, she earned a chuckle from us all when she noticed that the end of the pole with the work and weight hadn’t gone out into the water. Johnny of course, had a more advanced pole and so therefore didn't have a button which Riley didn't know.

"No babe. You've gotta press the button. Here let me help you." Matt told her as he squatted behind her and helped her press the button on her pole. He then helped her bring the pole back and the forward and release the button. The worm and weight sailed into the air and landed with a 'plop' in the water where it continued to carry down deep.

"Yay!" She cheered as she grinned and folded her legs under here so she was sitting down on the bench facing the edge.

Brian took this grand opportune time to make his grand entrance, only it wasn't too grand. He sauntered in with his hands back in his pockets and a grim smile on his face. I avoided all eye contact as he made his way to an empty seat. Jimmy handed him a pole and he smiled back.

Kacie, sensing the tension in the air, grabbed me by the arm and hauled me into the kitchen. As if that wasn't suspicious or anything. Now Matt was sure to ask me what was going on again.

"Alright spill." She told me firmly as she crossed her arms over her chest.

"Brian's still with that bitch." I told her quietly. "I overheard him talking to someone on the phone. He called her babe."

"But how do you know it's her?"

"What does it matter? If it's not her then he's moved onto some other skank awfully fast."

"Point made." She said as she pulled out a coke from the cooler. "I figured something had happened. That's not as bad as I thought though."

"What were you thinking?" I asked, afraid of her answer.

"You don't want to know." She mumbled as she gave me a sheepish glance.

"Kacie!"

"What? I can't help it if I think he kissed you or something. That's something you'd be pissed about. Right?"

"Right." I mumbled not entirely sure that answer was true.

"More like yeah right." She mumbled again as she took a sip of her soda.

"Hey! Then why did you ask?" I asked as she giggled.

"I wanted to see your reaction." She laughed back.

"Gee thanks Kacie."

"You're welcome hun." I shook my head at my new friend and pulled her back out of the kitchen after I too had grabbed a coke to drink.

"Nice of you to re-join us." Matt laughed as he continued to sit by Riley.

"Shut it Matt." Kacie joked.

"Yes ma'am." He laughed.

"Here fishy fishy." Riley said quietly as she tugged at her pole gently. Her comment took all of my attention from my cousin and made it focus on her. She was so cute.

"Fishy fishy in the sea, please oh please come visit me." She sang softly as her head moved from side to side as she continued to make up her song. The corners of my mouth arched up in a grin that I just couldn’t contain. I looked from Riley to Matt who was grinning as well.

I took a seat beside Matt and he wrapped an arm around my shoulders before he rested his head on top of mine in a comforting gesture. "I just adore her Jade." He told me softly as the little girl who was the subject of our conversation continued to sing away under her breath.

"Me too Matt. I'd be so lost without her." I paused for a moment as my mouth opened to continue but no words came out. I fought my words but eventually they snaked out softly so only Matt could hear me. "I just wish she had a dad Matt."

His arms constricted around me even more at the touchy subject that I had brought up.

"You'll find someone Jade. I promise. Guys would be silly not to want you."

I peeked out from under Matt's arms and spotted Brian watching the two of us with great interest. When his gaze caught mine he quickly turned away to check on his pole. He didn’t want me knowing he was watching apparently.

What happened next almost seemed to happen in slow motion.

"I got a fishy!" Riley yelled as her pole pulled forward indicating that she did indeed have a fish on the end of her line.

However, instead of sitting still she jumped up on the seat. I watched helplessly as her small feet got tangled under her and she lost her footing. She screamed as she leaned forward as the boat rocked some and she tipped overboard and into the water.

"Riley!" I screamed at the top of my lungs.

My eyes were wide as I went leaning over to grab her but it was too late. She and the fishing pole were both now in the water. Screams continued to come from her and I was just about to jump in in my frenzy but someone beat me to it.

Brian was a blur as he launched himself across the boat and over the edge of the boat into the water after Riley.

Everyone was yelling things at random but all of my attention was on Riley and getting her out of the water since she doesn’t know how to swim yet. I leaned over the boat and let out a sigh of relief once I saw that Riley was safely in Brian's arms and he was treading water next to the boat. Tears had now started rolling down my cheeks in panic at how bad that situation could have been.

Jimmy quickly grabbed the ladder that hooked onto the side of the boat and attached it so Brian could climb up and out of the water. He balanced Riley, who was sobbing, in his left arm while his right took hold of the ladder and he stepped up.

Matt leaned down and took Riley from him so he could climb up the rest of the way on his own. Matt handed Riley to me and I pulled her tightly into my chest as we both cried. She was shivering and I knew she needed to get out of her wet clothes.

"I'm so cold mommy." Her teeth chattered as she spoke.

"I know baby. Let's go get you changed." I told her as I wiped her tears away with my fingers. I carried her through the kitchen and into the hallway that led to the bunk room. I sat her down on one of the beds and started to peel her clothes off as she continued to shiver. I wrapped a blanket around her as I went to retrieve her bag from the lounge room to get her fresh clothes.

As I entered the lounge area Brian happened to step through from the other side. He too was sopping wet from head to toe. He had just peeled his hoodie and t-shirt off which left him in just his black cargo shorts and flip flops. His hair that was usually spiked up was now lying flat against his face and had water dripping out of it and onto the floor. His eyeliner was smudged around his eyes and his nose was dripping water.

Without so much as a second thought I walked forward until I was standing in front of him. I blinked back some tears and threw my arms around his neck as I pulled him into one of the tightest hugs I'd ever given.

He seemed shocked at first but then carefully wrapped his arms back around my waist. "Thank you so much." I told him as more tears began to leak out of my eyes. "I don't know what I would have done if anything happened to her."

"It's nothing Jade. Someone would have jumped in after her. I guess I just beat them all to it." He chuckled to try and lighten the mood.

"I know. Just… thank you." I sniffled and then did something I never ever thought I'd do. I leaned up on my toes and pressed my lips to his cheek in gratitude. All hostility I held for Brian from today was gone in that instant. I knew it would be back but for now the only feeling I had was relief. Relief that nothing had happened to my baby girl.

His cheeks flushed a light red as did my own at the contact. I let go of him and he let go of me allowing us to create a gap between our bodies. I turned my gaze from his and picked up Riley's little backpack that was sitting on the floor in the pile of bags. Brian reached down and picked up his own as well. It was pretty common knowledge that when you went around water with this crew that you brought an extra change of clothes because something was bound to happen.

I walked back into the bunk room to where Riley was still sitting waiting for me all wrapped up in the blanket that was keeping her warm. I was aware that Brian was following me but that made sense seeing as he needed to change out of his wet clothes as well.

I pulled out the new pair of jean shorts and t-shirt for Riley as well as some underwear and told her to stand up. Brian turned around to give Riley some privacy while she changed into her clothes with my help. Once she was finished I told her to turn around so we could let Brian change as well. She sat on the bunk while I kneeled and wrung the water out of her typical blonde pigtails. The sound of slapping clothes met my ears as Brian tossed his wet garments on the bunk. I heard the zipper of his backpack open and then close once his clothes were out. I tensed when I realized that at some point he was probably naked and that brought bad mental images to my head; ones I didn’t want at the moment.

"Alright I'm done." He announced in his deep voice. Riley turned around as did I and were greeted with the sight of him towel drying his hair. Riley stood up on the bunk and lifted her hands up toward Brian. He set his towel down and picked her up allowing her to wrap her arms around his neck.

"Thank you for saving me Brian." She told him softly. I plopped down on the bunk and let a fresh wave of tears consume me once again.

"Don't cry mommy." My daughter told me as she and Brian sat beside me softly.

"I can't help it baby." I told her.

Brian wrapped an arm around me and I curled into his chest as I continued to cry softly. It wasn’t that I could have lost her today because Brian was right, someone would have gone in after her. It was just the fact that it scared me half to death when it happened.

"Well look at the bright side." Brian started causing me to look up. "At least now you can kill Matt for saying she'd be fine without a life vest." He laughed loudly at the grimace that came across my face. That was true. Matt was in for a rude awakening.

"Brian I think I'm done fishing for today." She told him softly as she continued to cling to him. "I'll just watch." She nodded to herself.

"Alright babe. Why don't we all go see the rest of the guys and beat up on your Uncle Matt some?"

We stood and made our way back out onto the back of the boat. Matt was sitting with his head in his hands and everyone else was looking rather worried. They all jumped up when we came out and immediately started asking if everyone was alright.

"We're fine." Brian insisted as he sat down and placed Riley in his lap. I stood in front of Matt with my arms crossed over my chest. He looked up at me with a fearful look in his hazel eyes that mirrored my own.

"You said she'd be ok." I told him firmly.

"I know. I thought she would. I honestly wasn't expecting her to jump up and get so excited over a fish. I'm sorry Jade." He told me as he stood up and pulled me into a hug.

"It's ok Matt."

"Hey look! I got a fish!" Jimmy exclaimed as he pulled his rod up and saw a fish dangling from the end.

"I beat you Jimmy!" Riley told him while sticking her tongue out at the older man. "I got one first. That means that the fish like me more."

"Nuh-uh." He protested as he shook his head.

"Yep."

They continued to argue while we all settled back down. I was thankful that the incident didn't scar Riley to the point where she wanted to go back to the campsite. Had that have been me and I would have insisted we go back right that second.

I had a tough little cookie on my hands.

I sat back down between Brian and Matt and leaned my head back. A large sigh exited my mouth as I strove to get my heart beat back under control. Riley moved from Brian's lap to my own and she curled up against my chest.

"I'm glad you're alright baby." I whispered lightly into her hair as I hugged her to me.

"Me too Mommy. Brian's my hero." She yawned.

I nodded silently because at the moment he wasn't just my daughter's hero but mine as well.

He had saved the one thing that means more than life itself to me and I'd forever be grateful for that.