The Words I Thought I Would Never Say

"Do I look pretty mommy?" Riley asked as she twirled around in her pink and white polka dotted dress that she picked out for the afternoon. I had just finished curling her hair for her and had clipped in her pink bow that she loved. She had insisted on wearing her pink converse to match and I honestly wouldn’t have it any other way.

"You look gorgeous hun." I nodded as I took it as my turn to twirl for her. "What about me? Do I look alright?" I had on a pair of skinny jeans with a bright blue halter top that flowed down to my waist. My favorite sea shell necklace was tied around my neck and I had pulled out my favorite pair of casual heels to accompany the outfit. My hair was twisted up and held together with bobby pins in a makeshift updo that I was rather efficient with doing when I had the time.

"Mommy you look beautiful." Riley told me as she ran up and hugged me tightly around my legs. "You think Brian will think so?" I questioned as I picked her up and placed her on my hip.

"I know so mommy. He'd be stupid not to."

"Riley." I scolded. She knew better then to say someone was stupid.

"It's true mommy! But he won't be stupid because he's going to think you're pretty!"

I had a smart cookie on my hands.

I just gave her the look and she raised her hands innocently. "So do you know where Brian is taking us for dinner?" I asked her carefully.

Riley and Brian had been plotting this behind my back for awhile it seems so it wouldn’t surprise me if she knew. Those two were partners in crime every moment they were together.

"Maybe." She grinned as we left our bedroom and went into the living room where Matt was lounging on the couch.

"But you're not going to tell me are you?"

"Tell you what?" Matt asked as I set Riley down on his chest.

"Where we're going to dinner Uncle Matt! And no I can't tell mommy. I promised Brian I wouldn’t."

"You little sneak." I told her playfully as I sat down on one of the cushier chairs.

"I know where you're going." Matt teased as he looked sideways at me.

"Well why doesn’t the whole world just inform me that they know where I'm going for dinner then!" I huffed as I threw my hands in the air and then let them land on my thighs.

The front door opened and then shut closed as the sound reverberated through the house. I glanced at the clock on the wall and saw it was four in the afternoon. That meant this was probably Brian who was coming inside.

I stood up and turned, expecting to be greeted by Brian. I grinned but my smile fell as I wasn't greeted by Brian but rather by Zacky. "You're not Brian." I said sadly as I sat back down.

"No I'm not." Zack laughed as he came in and took my seat. "I'm here to keep Matt company."

"Why would Matt need company while we're gone?"

"So he doesn't get lonely!" Riley piped in as she bounced up and down on Matt's rock hard abs, not affecting him whatsoever.

"Yeah Jade. I get lonely sometimes." Matt said with a funny grin. "But seriously. We're going to work on some things for the new album while you guys are out."

The front door slammed open for the second time and then closed. This had to be Brian. I turned from where I was still standing and was greeted with quite a pleasant sight.

Brian was standing in the doorway to the living room with his hands shoved into his black jeans. He had a black button down shirt on with the sleeves rolled up to his elbows to showcase his brightly colored arms. His hair was in it's usual fashion, sticking up at all angles and he has a hint of eyeliner traced around his eyes. He looked amazing.

"Ready?" Brian asked as Riley leapt off of Matt's chest and ran over to him before jumping into his arms.

"Yes we are!" She answered for me.

"Have them home before midnight." Matt said protectively.

"Matt." I warned as Brian just rolled his eyes at his friend. Zacky just snickered.

Brian grabbed a hold of my hand and led me and Riley, who he was still carrying, out to his car. "Bri wait. I need to get her booster seat."

Brian looked down at me and shook his head. "Already taken care of."

I furrowed my brow as he opened the door to the back seat and I saw he already had one strapped in.

"I got one for myself. I figured she rides in my car enough as it is. It only made sense so you don't always have to go switching cars." I blinked a few times at his explanation. He had bought a booster seat for his car. That made no sense. Why would he go out and buy something for Riley that was an everyday living essential when she wasn't even his daughter? I mean I expected this from Matt since he was family, but not necessarily from Brian. He opened my door for me to get in and then buckled Riley into her new seat.

I climbed into the car and couldn’t help but notice just how gentlemanly Brian was being, something that was usually a rare sight to be seen. I set my purse by my feet and turned around to grin at Riley as Brian closed the door and walked around to the driver's side.

This felt so awkward. Brian, myself, and Riley all going on a three way date of sorts. To any outsider looking in we would appear to be a family. We fit the dynamics perfectly and I began to wonder how many people would think we were such tonight.

"So where are we going?" I asked as Brian climbed into the car and started it. He instantly reached for the radio and turned the blasting volume down with a sheepish smile.

"It's a surprise." He voiced deeply. "Pick the music Riles." He said to her while smirking at me.

"Ummm. Atreyu!" She said confidently, knowing full well he owned all of their albums and had them in his car. He always did and was known for blasting them at full volume as he drove around town.

He slipped out the newest Atreyu album from his cd case and slipped it into his fancy six disc car stereo. The big shot he was.

Brian turned around and winked at Riley before peeling out of the driveway and down the road.

I had my hands clasped nervously in my lap and Brian took notice. He carefully reached over and peeled my hands apart before taking my left one inside of his right calloused one. He glanced at me from the corner of his eye and gave me a sideways grin. I blushed slightly and turned to look out of the window, the small smile I had been trying to hide slipping out into a full one.

I was quick to notice we were headed for the shops by the beach based on the roads we were taking. There were only so many places to eat near the water in Huntington Beach. So unless we hit the PCH and went north or south then I had a vague idea of where we might be going.

Brian's hand softly rubbed circled over mine as we drove. Riley was rocking out in the back seat and I could slightly see her through the rear view mirror.

I continued to look out the window. It was mysterious how we reached this point. I used to think Brian was the biggest man whore alive and now I was here going on a family date with him. Talk about an odd turn of events.

My left eyebrow went into it's usually quirk as we pulled into a parking garage near the main street shops in Huntington. Well that narrowed down the restaurants to just a few. Brian wound the car around before parking on the third level where there was plenty of space. Friday's always meant the garage was packed full after six at night. Thankfully we were here early and didn’t have to park on the top.

Once we were parked I hopped out of the car and went to get Riley but Brian had already beat me to it. He was rather on top of things tonight. Riley climbed out of the car and jumped up toward Brian. He reached down and scooped her up into his strong arms easily.

With Riley in his one arm he hesitantly reached out and wrapped his other one around my waist, pulling me into him. I smiled slightly and allowed myself to settle into his embrace. We exited the parking garage and Brian and I slipped out sunglasses over our eyes, or rather, I slid mine over my eyes and then pulled Brian's down for him since his arms were full.

"So where are we going?" I asked yet again as we continued down Main Street toward the typical tourist shops that were loaded with crazy people this time of the year.

Brian and Riley both would only smirk at me. Brian even went as far as to lean over and kiss my temple but he still remained silent. "Fine." I stated with a huff. "Be that way."

They both grinned as we continued walking down the sidewalk.

Eventually we reached BJ's Brewery and stopped. My eyes lit up and I grinned. This was my all time favorite restaurant.

"This is where we're eating if that's alright with you." Brian said with a sly grin.

"Oh my gosh. You two are amazing." I said as Brian sat Riley and I down on a bench.

"We know." Brian just grinned. "I'm going to go tell them we're here. I made reservations but we're a bit early." He disappeared through the doors to the loud restaurant, leaving Riley and I to sit patiently on one of the benches they had outside.

"You stinker." I said as I tickled her sides lightly. "You knew we were coming here." She giggled and twisted away from me. We both laughed and when I stopped tickling her she leaned toward me instead and hugged me.

"I know it's your favorite restaurant. And it's mine too!"

Brian came back out of the restaurant with an electronic pager in his hand. "They said it's going to be a few minutes since we're early."

"That's fine." I grinned up at him as he sat down beside Riley and me.

Riley grabbed a hold of Brian's arm and started rambling about his tattoos. I sort of zoned out as something, or someone, near us caught my eye.

A group of scantily clad girls were watching us from a distance. By the way their eyes were narrowed and from the rude glares they were giving me, I think it was safe to say they were fans and recognized Brian.

I nudged Brian in his arm and casually nodded my head in the direction of the glaring girls. He glanced over and caught them looking at us. He flashed them a smile and turned back to me and Riley. "Just ignore them." He said with a grin so as not to alert them that we were talking about them.

"It's kind of hard to when they're glaring daggers at me like they want to rip my head off." I answered back with another grin.

"Excuse me." A sickly sweet voice sounded from behind us. I closed my eyes and internally groaned as Brian wrapped his arm around me and Riley before we all turned to look at the girl.

She was standing before us with a hand on her hip, looking expectant. "You're Synyster Gates right?" She asked rudely.

"I am." Brian answered with a nod.

"And is this your wife? And since when do you have a daughter?"

Wow. Talk about being blunt and to the point. I blinked a few times at her outrageous statement. Brian however, seemed to be unfazed.

"I don't really think either of the answers to those questions are any of your business." He informed her politely without giving her a straight answer.

"Well." She huffed. "I guess I got my answer." She started to stomp off but Brian was quick to stop her.

"No you didn't. For your information, and the only reason I'm telling you this is so you don't go blabbing false information to some stupid website, this is not my wife. This is Matt's sister and her daughter who I happen to be taking to dinner."

The girls widened with every word he said. Specifically, they widened when he mentioned I was Matt's sister. Most of the fans knew that Matt had a "sister" but they knew we weren't actually siblings. "You're Jade Sanders?"

"Yes I am." I said with a nod of my head.

"Holy shit. I'm so sorry." She apologized quickly.

"Doesn't change anything." Brian started firmly. "If they were my wife and daughter I would still expect them to be treated with the same respect. It doesn't change the fact that you needed an attitude adjustment." The girl, as well as myself, was rather shocked at his outburst. He was dead serious too.

"Now if you'll excuse us, we have a dinner to go to." He finished as he held up the pager which was now flashing its little red lights at us and vibrating.

The girl continued to stand there stunned while Brian picked up Riley and pulled me up by my hand. He wrapped his arm around me as an obvious sign of affection to let the girl know that it shouldn’t matter who I was, he still expected me to be respected.

"Wow." I said as I shook my head after we entered the restaurant. Brian handed the buzzing pager to the hostess and she led us through the restaurant to a somewhat secluded table in the corner.

"Thank you." He told the hostess as she set the menus on the table. "Can we also get a booster seat so this little one here can sit up at the table?" He asked politely with an award winning smile.

"Of course. Give me one moment." She flashed him another smile and turned around to go get Riley a booster seat.

"I don't need a seat. I'm a big girl." Riley insisted with a huff as she sat next to me. The booth was round and I was sitting between Brian and Riley.

"You are a big girl and big girls need to be able to see the top of the table hun." Brian chuckled as he reached behind me and straightened her bow for her.

The hostess returned with a seat and I picked Riley up so she could set it on the bench next to me. She flashed a smile and then rushed off once again. I sat Riley down on top of it and she gave a big grin now that she could see over the top of the table.

"So what are we ordering?" I asked as I flipped open the menu. Brian reached over and snagged it from my hands before he closed it and sat it back on top of the other. "Hey!" I said as I tried to reach for it back.

"I already know what we're ordering, therefore you don't need a menu." I went to object but our waiter had just stepped up to our table.

"Hey guys. My name is Alex and I'll be your waiter for this evening. Can I start you off with some drinks?" The young guy asked as he set some drink napkins down in front of each of us.

"That'd be great man. I think she would like a Strawberry Splash and can I get a Brewhouse Blonde? What would you like Riley?"

Riley looked at me and I nodded, knowing exactly what she was going to ask for. "Can I get a strawberry lemonade please?" She asked politely.

"Sure thing hun." Alex said with a chuckle before leaving to get our drinks.

"How did you know that's what I always order?" I asked Brian skeptically.

"I did my research." He smirked as he wrapped his arm behind me and pecked my cheek tenderly.

"I can tell." I replied back as I turned to look at him. His eyes held adoration and they glinted with pride. It was something I loved seeing in him.

"So Riley, pizza sound good to you?" Brian asked as he broke our gaze to include my little one who had been watching in interest. It was clear Riley was always trying to figure out my relationship with Brian, much like I myself was too. She always had this little mischievous tint to her when she watched Brian and I interact. Sometimes I wished I could get into her mind to see what she was thinking.

"Sounds good!" She exclaimed as she rested her elbows on the table.

"Riley hun, elbows." I reminded her gently with a smile.

"Oh yeah." She said as she plucked them off.

Alex arrived back with our three drinks. He set them on the table and then took out his notepad. "Ready to order?"

"Yeah. Can we get a chopped barbecue chicken salad? And then a large deep dish with pepperoni and mushroom? And I think a Pizookie for dessert." Brian handed him the menus and he repeated our order to us. We nodded and he left saying he would be back with the salad in a few minutes.

"So I've been thinking." Brian started.

"Oh really? That's new." I giggled earning a jaw drop from him.

"Hey now. Be nice you." He warned as Riley laughed at us. "Now as I was saying, I've been thinking. And I've kind of come to the conclusion that maybe I know what I want in life."

His arm which had been around me had dropped down so it was resting behind me but was now around my waist. His hand was resting on my thigh and I could feel him starting to draw circles through my jeans. "I think someday I'd like to have a wife and kids. Still want to be a rockstar though but I'm beginning to think settling down might not be so bad."

"Well it took you long enough." I teased gently. "I think that's an awesome goal Brian. I'm glad you finally came around and realized groupies and random girls aren't what're important to you."

Brian's grin turned into something of a slight smirk. I knew there had to be more. "I also know who I might possibly want involved with that as well." His fingers pinched my thigh making me jump.

Oh my gosh. He was talking about me and Riley. He wanted us to me that big of a part of his life? Had he gone off his rocker?

"Brian I…" I started but was stopped as I was overcome with shock. Brian brought his other hand up and placed a finger on my lips.

"It's just something to think about. Don't freak out." He whispered.

I glanced beside me to see Riley was coloring away on her kids menu and was thankfully, not paying me and Brian much attention. I hated when she saw me all frazzled. She always got concerned and tried to figure out what was wrong.

"I'm hungry." She stated happily as she continued to color her horse rainbow colors. She didn’t so much as lift an eye to Brian and I as she continued to speak. "Will the food be here soon?"

"It should be baby." Brian answered for me. "Are you going to say something?" Brian asked worriedly and I knew he was suddenly regretting opening up to me.

"I don't know. Honestly, I'm scared Brian."

"I can tell. We'll work it out."

Our salad was placed on our table and Riley was instantly on her knees reaching over for it.
I snapped out of my daze and helped her put some on a plate. She dug into it quickly.

The night had been good so far and I was determined not to allow Brian's comment to throw me off guard. We were having a fantastic night out and it was going to stay that way. I would deal with this fear later.

"So how's your foot?" I asked having noticed earlier that he wasn't hobbling around as much as he had previously been.

"It's better. Went to physical therapy earlier and they were surprised at how fast it came back to me. It feels fine now."

I gave him my motherly look. "You still have to be careful with it though. I mean it Brian."

"I know, I know."

Our pizza came finally and the additional waiter served it up onto three plates for us. "This is the best dinner ever!" Riley exclaimed loudly as she picked off a piece of pepperoni and plucked it into her open and waiting mouth. She was munching away happily on her second piece within just a few minutes.

"I'm glad to hear that hun." Brian responded. "I'd say it's a pretty good dinner too."

"Mhmm." I agreed as I folded my napkin and placed it in my lap.

"I'm surprised Matt hasn't called to check up on us." I stated. Brian's eyes looked sideways at me with a knowing look.

"Oh he has. Five times already." I dropped my fork and turned sideways to look at Brian with wide eyes.

"Five times?" I asked incredulously.

"Well that's how many times my phone has buzzed at me." He explained as he patted his pocket where his phone was.

"Oh I'm going to kill him."

"He has good intentions."

The conversation continued as we finished with our food and waited for dessert. Riley was doing a fine job entertaining not only Brian and myself but also the table on either side of us. She was bouncing in her seat and had decided to sing a daintier version of Almost Easy for us. The couples surrounding us were laughing slightly and I could tell they were enjoying themselves.

"I just have to tell you, she's quite the cutie. You two are very lucky parents and you have a beautiful family." One of the elderly ladies informed us from over the back of the booth. My mouth sort of hung open as I was caught off guard.

Brian however, didn’t miss a beat. "Thank you." He told her. "She keeps us on our toes."
The lady grinned and nodded. "Oh I'm sure she does."

Other people saw us as a couple? I blinked a few times as the thought finally registered with me. The girls from earlier, the lady behind us, maybe even Matt at this point.

"Piiiiizookie!" Riley cheered as our dessert arrived. This was her favorite part. Brian motioned for her to come over to his lap and she happily stood up and walked behind me on the bench. She plopped down on his lap and I scooted closer so we could all share the pizza cookie topped with ice cream. Riley was chowing down. She always seemed to surprise me with her appetite. I always figured she got that from Matt's side of the family.

Brian took a spoonful of the sweet and lifted the utensil in my direction so as to feed it to me. I chuckled and opened my mouth. Brian's hand "slipped" and the ice cream came into contact with my nose. I gasped causing Riley to look over, her little cheeks puffed out with food stuffed into them.

She and Brian both laughed as I sat there shocked, with ice cream dripping down my nose. Riley grabbed a hold of her napkin and reached over to wipe it off of my nose for me.

"Brian." She started with a firm tone. "You missed."

"Did I?" He asked as if unaware of what had happened. "Maybe I should try again." He brought the spoon back over to me but this time I hesitantly opened my mouth.

"Don't miss this time." I said before opening up.

He just grinned and guided the spoon into my mouth perfectly.

We continued to laugh as it was Riley's turn to get ice cream on Brian. It ended up being quite the spectacle and I was almost in tears from laughing so hard. Riley decided she had had enough dessert and retreated back to her seat to finish coloring while Brian and I ate the rest.

I took a spoonful and decided to do a bit of taunting. Brian was watching as I slowly brought the spoon into my mouth and sensually sucked the cookie and ice cream combination off. I then pulled the spoon out to see there was still some chocolate chip residue left on it. My tongue flicked out and licked it off slowly.

A groan exited Brian's mouth and without warning he pulled me toward him and pressed his lips against mine. My eyes widened and then closed as he pushed his tongue in quickly. It wasn't but a second before he pulled back, his hands still placed firmly on the small of my back.

"Don't tempt me." He whispered huskily. "I needed to have a taste."

"In public?" I asked as I opened the gap between us a bit more.

"Of course." He smirked.

"Can we go? I want to go walk on the pier! Pretty please?" Riley asked as she gained our attention once again.

Brian had already paid the bill and so once we were done eating we could leave.

"Sure thing babe." Brian said as he stood from the booth and helped Riley down as well. He grabbed a hold of my hand and helped me out as well.

"Thank you for dinner." I said softly once we were outside and away from the noise of the hopping restaurant. Brian had his arm wrapped around my waist once again and Riley was walking beside us, holding his other hand.

"You're very welcome."

We were all silent as we crossed the street onto the beach side and headed down the pier. The sun was almost at the point of setting and so it was painting a wonderful array of colors across the sky.

We stopped at an empty bench and Riley stood up on it so she could watch the sunset. I stood behind her and allowed Brian to wrap his arms around my waist so I was tucked in front of him in his arms.

"Brian?" Riley asked as she turned around. "Are you ever going to be my daddy? I know I don't have one. And well, I'd really like to have one sometime. I mean Uncle Matt is cool, but I'd like to have a dad." Her voice was soft and at the word daddy my eyes started to tear up. I always dreaded this day, but somehow, with Brian by my side and me in his arms, it wasn't as hard as I expected it to be.

I always knew Riley adored Brian like a father but I never expected her to ask him about it.

"Well baby, we'll have to wait and see. Your mom is kind of the deciding factor on that one."

"Please mommy? I love Brian so, so, so much!" She pleaded.

How in the world do I address this? I was shell shocked. Brian actually wanted this. He was serious and so was Riley.

"I love Brian too baby. But these things take time alright? This isn't something that can have a yes or no answer hun. It takes time. I want someone to be your daddy that I love unconditionally and who I know will take care of us. That may turn out to be Brian but it's going to take some time hun. But as of right now, I'd say he's a good candidate."

Riley hugged the two of us around our middle before turning back to the sunset with a big grin on her face. "I knew they'd be cute together." I heard her mumble under her breath in an accomplished tone.

I turned around so I was facing Brian head on but remained stationary so he could keep an eye on Riley still.

"You really think I'm a good candidate?" He asked softly as he pressed his forehead against mine.

"Yeah. I do." I agreed.

"Good. Because I was serious earlier." He leant down and captured my lips in a soft kiss.

"You drive me nuts sometimes Brian. But then you go and do things like that which makes me melt. I'm not sure what to do with you." I breathed.

"Honey, as far as I'm concerned, you can do whatever you want to with me." He smirked before capturing my lips in yet another heated kiss.

"Are you two done yet? You're missing the sunset." Riley said with her hands on her hips. Brian and I looked at eachother before laughing. He picked her up but kept me in his arms as well.

Maybe this wasn't so bad. Brian was really proving himself to me and I was beginning to think I may end up with the perfect little family I had always wanted after all.