The Words I Thought I Would Never Say

I stared up into the now orange sky as Riley ran over to me and sat beside me. She had her small pink zip up hoodie in her hands and was trying to pull it on as she looked to me for help. I grinned as I sat up and held the left sleeve up for her to shove her arm into. She did and I zipped it up for her. Playfully I pulled the hood up as well and she laughed before putting it down. She grinned at me before she came and climbed into my lap as we watched the sun set. I wrapped my arms around her small body and she leaned back into me. I kissed the top of her head gently and grinned as she smiled up at me.

I truly had the best daughter ever. She was so much like me and for that I was thankful. I didn’t even know who her father was so I guess either way it didn't matter.

"Did you have a good time today hun?" I asked her. She turned so she was sitting sideways in my lap and nodded up at me.

"I did. But I'm tired now. Brian and Zacky wore me out." She said in an exasperated tone. I chuckled as I thought back to how they had chased after her for a good thirty minutes because she had taken their shirts and threw them into the water after Matt told her to.

She let out a yawn and stretched her small arms up above her. She snuggled further into my arms and I laid her down on the towel beside me as I too leaned down on my elbow. She curled up into my side and tucked her hands under her head to act as a pillow. I moved my hand through her hair and watched as she let her eyes droop closed. I smiled down at her and looked up as a shadow was now cast over the two of us.

"Someone must have been exhausted."

"Yeah, all thanks to you and Zack." I said quietly as Brian sat down on the opposite side of Riley. He tucked his feet under him and stared down at the sleeping child. I watched as his eyes softened and he reached down to gently play with her soft hair. She stirred slightly but didn't fully wake up. Instead she just yawned and rolled over before snuggling up against Brian's legs subconsciously. His eyes softened as his hand moved down to rub her back.

"Hey guys. Ready to head back?" Matt asked as he approached quietly. He looked down and saw Riley asleep against Brian and grinned.

"Yeah man." I nodded with Brian's response. Matt leaned down to take Riley but Brian held his hands up.

"I've got her dude." Matt raised an eyebrow at his friend but looked to me before nodding.

The plan for the rest of the evening was just to go back to Matt's and pop in a few movies with everyone. The guys didn't want to go home just yet but it was starting to get chilly here. Bars were out of the question with a three year old along and so that pretty much left someone's house open.

I stood up and Brian scooped up my princess into his arms, being careful not to wake her. She rested her head on his shoulder and wrapped her arms around his neck in her slumber. I picked up the towel that we had been sitting on and watched as Brian carried her off toward the other guys. A smile graced his lips as her body heaved with each breath she took. I was surprised with how comfortable he looked holding her.

The rest of the guys had taken it upon themselves to carry the bags and coolers back to the cars already so it just left Brian and I to follow them back to the parking garage we had to park in since the lot that was beachside was full when we had arrived. It was just a short walk up Main Street but I still worried about Brian carrying her that far.

"Are you sure…" I started to ask. His eyes cut me off though as he looked at me and nodded.

"I'm fine. She's so light."

"Well she's my baby. Of course she's light, she's still small."

"But let me guess, she's grown up too fast for you?" I closed my eyes for a moment before nodding lightly.

"Yeah. I just worry about her is all."

"Why do you worry about her?" He questioned as we turned onto the small side street that the parking garage was on.

I contemplated my answer before I let everything slip. I wasn't sure if Brian wanted to hear my worried after only one day. I mean he was an alright guy but I didn’t think he cared about the stresses in my life. Typically, most guys didn't want to become attached to a girl who had a child already. They usually ran the other way. Yet these five guys had proved me wrong. They ran to us with open arms and it was sort of strange for me.

"I just feel like sometimes I'm not enough for her. She doesn’t have a normal life and I wish she did. I mean my parents weren’t much to me but I had Matt's parents growing up. She's never really had a father figure before except for Matt. Sometimes I just don't feel like I give her everything she deserves. She hasn't asked about her dad yet but I know it's coming and when it does I'm not sure what to tell her. How do you tell a kid that her mom was physically hurt when she was created and that it wasn't wanted at the time? It's just not something easy to explain." He took his left arm that wasn't holding Riley and wrapped it around my shoulders which shocked me. I wasn't expecting the gesture.

"You are plenty for this little girl Jade. I promise you that. When the time is right you'll find a guy who will spoil this kid rotten and love her to death. It just takes time. And when Riley asks we'll be here to help you. She'll understand. She's a smart kid."

I looked back down to the ground and nodded solemnly as I let Brian steer me toward the garage. I still had my doubts though. It was easy for me to tell Brian, but having to say it to Riley would be a completely different matter. He didn't know what it was like to have a daughter who didn’t have a father figure. It just wasn't easy and nobody seemed to understand.

"You look tired." He commented as he looked over at me.

"I'm exhausted." I confirmed. Right now I would do anything to switch places with Riley so I could be carried and not have to walk. I could slowly feel my back starting to throb and I had a feeling it had gotten sunburnt. I tried to put the sunscreen back there but it had been hard and I completely forgot to have Matt do it for me. Now I was going to have to pay the price for it.

We reached the car just as the guys were finishing loading it up with everything we had brought. Brian buckled Riley into her car seat and then went over to his own car.

The drive back to Matt's was pretty uneventful and basically consisted of soft music coming from the stereo along with Riley's steady breathing. Matt and I were pretty quiet because we didn't want Riley to wake up. She was exhausted and needed all the sleep she could get.

When we pulled up it was to see that we were the last ones to arrive. I swear those guys drove too fast sometimes. Matt knew that wasn't an option with me and Riley in the car so I was thankful he agreed to follow the speed limit.

I knew that the other guys had keys to the house so it didn’t really shock me to see they weren’t standing outside waiting. Matt carried Riley into the house for me and I saw him disappear down a hallway to the room that she and I shared. She could have her own room but she preferred to sleep with me. It had just become habit and I didn’t mind. I didn’t have anyone else to snuggle with so who better than my little girl?

I drug my feet into the room behind them and Matt was just tucking her in. He leaned down and placed a gentle kiss on her forehead causing her to stir. "Night Uncle Matt." She yawned.

"Night kiddo." He straightened his posture and turned so he was facing me. "I'll be out with the guys."

"Alright." He brushed past me and I smiled down at Riley who was now back asleep. I sat down on the edge of the bed and gently pulled the hair tie out from her blonde locks that had kept them in a pony tail. I set it on the nightstand beside the bed and stood up. Gently peeling my shirt over my head I groaned at the pain that shot through me as it rubbed against my back. I walked over to the mirror and turned slightly so I could see what the damage was.

It was pretty bad. I hated having such fair skin since it almost always meant I burned instead of getting tan. My face contorted as I realized that I wouldn’t be able to get the lotion on it by myself, I would need some help. I swapped out my swim suit top for one of my black bras and realized I would have to go downstairs like this in order to get the needed extra pair of hands. I couldn’t yell down because I would risk waking Riley up so instead I figured I would just take my chances. The guys saw me in a bikini top today and a bra technically wasn't much different.

I walked into the bathroom and grabbed the small travel size aloe vera lotion bottle that I always carried with me. At least I was always prepared.

Nervously I walked out into the hallway and entered the living room where the guys were all lounging as they each sipped a beer.

Zacky was the first to notice me. "Do you always walk around the house in just a bra? Because if so I'll have to come by more often." I let out a chuckle but shook my head. Spinning on my heels I let my back give the answer for me.

"Ooo."

"Ouch."

"Fuck that looks like it hurts."

I turned back and held up the bottle of lotion. "It does hurt. Can someone please help me put some stuff on it? I can't reach back there." I gave a pout and looked to see who would help. I mostly expected Matt to offer since he had been doing this for me since I was really little. So you can imagine I was surprised when Brian spoke up.

"Come sit over here and I'll do it for ya." He spread his legs out against the sides of his reclining chair and patted the new spot between them. Nobody else spoke up so I did as told. My thighs were pressed against Brian's as I sat there and handed him the bottle of lotion. He grabbed onto my hips and pulled me further into his lap so he could get to my back easier I guess. I closed my eyes and tried not to let any inappropriate thoughts cross my mind as I felt his very obvious manhood pressed against the small of my back. This was Brian we were talking about, the guy who pretty much would sleep with anything with two legs and boobs. Not someone I wanted.

At least that's what I kept trying to tell myself.

Goose bumps arose on my skin as Brian's fingers spread around the cool lotion gently. His calluses felt rough and stung a bit as they brushed over the burns but since the lotion was being rubbed in it didn’t hurt too bad.

"I'm not hurting you am I?" He questioned as he leaned up near my ear.

"No. It feels good actually. Thank you for helping me."

"You're very welcome." I let my eyes close and reveled in the cool feeling that relieved the pain on my back. After a minute or two his fingers started to feel enjoyable on my skin. I could feel that the lotion was now completely rubbed in and yet he was still gently massaging my back. His hands slid up and on top of my shoulders before starting to knead the apparent knots that he found located there. I let my head fall against my chest as I let out a moan of pleasure at how good he was at massages.

Due to my head being down I failed to see the questioning glance that Matt had given Brian.

"Mommy?" My head jerked up and I saw that Riley was standing in the doorway with her pink fuzzy slippers on and her stuffed dog Avery in her hands.

"Riley, baby, what's wrong?" I asked as Brian continued to massage my shoulders despite the new visitor.

"I can't sleep." She said quietly as she looked down to her feet. I started to get up but Matt put his hand up and motioned for me to stay seated.

"Schnooks why don't you and I go make you some chocolate milk and then you can come lay out here with us for a bit?" Riley nodded and went over to take his hand. Just as they were almost out of ear shot I heard Riley say something to Matt that made me laugh.

"Uncle Matt what is Brian doing to mommy?" The other guys snickered and I just rolled my eyes at them. Zacky leaned forward in his chair and placed his elbows on his knees.

"Shit Brian, you need to stop molesting mommy. You're giving poor Riley bad thoughts." Brian removed one of his hands and I had a feeling it was to flip his friend off.

"A massage never hurt anyone. And I don't see you offering to help Zack so shut the hell up douche." Zacky went to retort back but Matt came back out with Riley in his arms and gave him a sharp warning glare.

"Thank you for helping mommy Brian." Riley told him as she let out a yawn. Her chocolate milk was cupped in her hands and was in a cup with a lid and straw thankfully.

"You're welcome babe. Anything for your mommy. Do you want to come cuddle with us?"

My eyes widened as I felt Brian kick the foot rest out in front of him and leaned back in the chair pulling me with him. I let out a small shriek as I wasn’t expecting the action but I still laughed lightly afterward. Riley must have motioned yes because the next thing I knew I was being moved so I was lying on one side of Brian and Matt placed Riley on his other side. He wrapped an arm around each of us and relaxed back.

"Life can't get any better than this. Two lovely girls cuddling with me, a room full of my friends, and a great movie." He said as we watched the intro for Finding Nemo come onto the screen.

Riley sat up some and looked at Brian with wide eyes. "You like Finding Nemo too?" She questioned in a shocked tone. I bet she thought it was odd that Brian had said that because although it was one of my favorite movies I don’t think she expected it to be one of Brian's.

"Of course I do! He's the coolest little fish around!" Brian's facial expression nearly mirrored Riley's exactly and I smacked his chest gently.

"I like Dori."

"Me too. She reminds me of Johnny." Riley's eyes furrowed while the guys laughed and Johnny just pouted. She looked from Brian to Johnny and then to the movie.

"Dori isn't like Johnny. He's not small and blue and he doesn't forget things." She pondered out loud.

"Thank you Riley." Johnny said from his spot across the room. She smiled back.

"But he is small." Zacky tried to reason.

"Not to me he's not!" She insisted. After realizing that he was indeed defeated and proved wrong, he gave up and laid back in his chair again while sticking his tongue out at her.

"Alright Riley you need to get back to sleep baby." She nodded but still scowled a little as she laid back down on Brian's chest. She snuggled into his arm as he traced circles on her small back.

For being a player he sure knew how to handle little girls and I was actually surprised for once.

Riley let out a yawn and closed her eyes for the second time tonight. Hopefully this time she would stay asleep. She had Avery tucked tightly in her arms and she was tucked tightly under Brian's. I shifted my own body slightly so that my chest was against Brian's stomach. I was trying to be careful with my back so it didn’t rub on anything that would cause it to hurt.
My head popped up randomly as I felt Brian's fingers fiddle with the clasp on the back of my bra and before I knew it I felt the fabric being moved away from my sunburn. Brian met my eyes but he just smiled. "It won't hurt as much. Just keep your chest pressed against mine and nothing will happen."

I could clearly see the mischievous glint in his chocolate eyes and I was mentally cursing myself for the situation I had put myself in. Matt was watching with interest but I knew I could trust him to step in if anything started to get a little too far for my liking. He knew my limits and had saved me many times from situations that I didn’t necessarily want to be in. If only he had been there when Mike was around.

It wasn't that Mike forced me into things because he didn’t, but there were times where he'd create a situation that I couldn’t necessarily get out of. Things would start to get out of hand and I just melted to it all. I really wish Matt would have been around more because looking back I regretted many of those nights now.

But I didn’t need Mike. I never did and I certainly didn’t now. Riley and I were better off without him in our lives. In exchange, instead of a giant jerk-off, we now had five guys who would always be there for us no matter what.

And I think that was really all I ever needed.

My thoughts were interrupted by someone's cell phone ringing. Johnny reached over to the small table and held up a black phone. Brian reached one of his hands up and Johnny tossed the ringing device to him. Thankfully he didn’t drop it and instead flipped it open and put it up to his ear.

"Hey baby. No I'm at Matt's. I'll be over in a few hours alright? Of course. I can't wait. Alright bye babe." He flipped it shut and had a smirk on his lips. "Holly wants me to come over tonight for some fun." I scoffed lightly and Brian must have felt it because he gave me a funny look.

This was just too typical for him. Spending a night in with his friends only to run off to his slut not long after.

Why didn’t that surprise me?

Suddenly very annoyed, I reached behind me and redid the clasp on my bra before shifting off of Brian. I didn’t even look at his face as I picked up Riley carefully.

"Here I'll get her." Brian offered but I just shook my head.

"I've got it. Go enjoy your time with Holly."

"Good night guys. Thanks for an awesome day." I added before Brian could say anything. They all replied softly and I saw Brian stand up out of the corner of my eye.

As I left the room I heard him say something to the guys. "But I wasn't leaving yet." His tone was soft and I could have sworn there was a hint of sadness in there somewhere.

Was I jealous? Maybe. Annoyed? You bet. Was Brian sad? I didn't see why.

All I knew was I was tired of his ways. I didn’t see how he could be a kind caring guy one minute and then want to go be the player he was the next.

Alright, I'll admit it. I was jealous. Brian had a girl, no matter how he treated her, that he ran to at night. He may be a player but at least he had an interest in someone.

At this moment, I had nobody and I had a feeling it was going to stay that way.