The Words I Thought I Would Never Say

"You look so pretty mommy!" Riley squealed as she bounced up and down in her sitting position on our bed causing her hair to go flying in all directions.

"Thank you baby. You're sure I look alright?" I asked as I glanced down at my attire once more. My skirt was black and short but it matched my blue corset top nicely. I had decided to curl my hair in light ringlets that cascaded down to my shoulders.

"You're perfect mommy. Trust me." Riley said as she nodded her head in an all knowing manner. I chuckled and went over to pick her up. She hugged me around my neck as I carried her into the kitchen and sat her on the counter.

"And you're going to be good for Papa Gates and Suzy right?" I asked as I pulled out the jar of peanut butter and a banana so I could make her favorite sandwich.

"Of course mommy. Plus Brian told me if I was good for them he would take me to get ice cream tomorrow!" I rose an eyebrow at that and she clapped a hand tightly to her mouth. "I wasn't supposed to tell you that." She mumbled from behind her hand. "You're not mad right?" She asked hesitantly.

"Of course not baby. If Brian told you that then that's fine with me." Her eyes lit up and she removed her hand.

"Ok good! Cause Uncle Matt also told me he would give me ten dollars!" My head whipped around and I narrowed my eyes.

"Well that's Uncle Matt for ya." I mumbled as I handed her the peanut butter and banana sandwich. I lifted her down and she went running out into the living room.

"I've got a peanut butter and banana sandwich and you don't!" She yelled. I rolled my eyes and followed my daughter into the room to see the guys all pouting as she took a giant bite out of it in front of them. Papa Gates and Suzy were laughing hysterically at the boys. Riley ran over to Brian and jumped up in his lap.

"It's ok Brian. I'll make you one later." She whispered in his ear. He faked an excited expression and placed a big kiss on her cheek making her turn red. He was such a suck up with her.

"Well boys are we ready to go?" I asked as I stood expectantly in the doorway. They all looked up and I noticed as four sets of eyes roamed my body, all but Matt who was just smiling at me.

"Hell yeah." Brian said which earned him a slap on the arm from a now frowning Riley. "I mean, you bet!" He gave her a hopeful smile and she returned it after nodding her approval. She climbed off of his lap and came over to give me a hug.

"You be good." I told her sternly but still managed a smile. She nodded and gave me a quick kiss before going over to sit beside Suzy. "Thank you both so much." I said to the couple as all of the guys got up.

"Oh anytime hun. You need a night out with the boys. I'd say you deserve it after everything." Papa Gates told me as he ruffled Riley's hair playfully. "And this little one will be no problem. After all, we raised Brian. But I guess that's not saying much." He added as an after thought which made Brian turn and glare.

"Hey I turned out alright." He huffed. I could really only roll my eyes and shake my head which he noticed. I guess if you call being a player alright, then right on Brian. I turned away from his gaze and was met with Johnny's instead.

"I'm excited to take you to the bar tonight. I could use a bit of your help." He explained as he led me out of the house behind Jimmy.

"Help with what?" I asked as I climbed into Matt's suv. Johnny sat beside me and Brian and Zack were both in the very back while Jimmy was riding shotgun.

"He's all hung up on this chick that works there." Zack explained.

"But he's never spoken to her even though he's seen her a million times." Brian added.

"Johnny I can honestly say I didn’t peg you as the shy type." I said as I patted his leg. "But for your sake and sanity, as well as ours, I'll help you tonight."

"Fucking finally." Jimmy groaned earning a slap in the head from Johnny.

"So I forgot to tell you earlier, but you look amazing tonight Jade." Zack complimented me as he reached up and gave my shoulders a squeeze.

"Why thank you Zacky."

The guys honestly looked pretty fine themselves too tonight. They all were dressed pretty casually yet still looked nice. Brian especially was catching my eye but I knew he hadn't dressed to impress me. Oh no, he was after some random girl tonight just like he always was. So since that was the case, I had decided to make Zacky my partner tonight. I knew he would dance with me and the likes so it was all good.

I still wasn't entirely sure which bar we were going to tonight but I knew it was down in Newport Beach. Apparently it was one that the guys liked to go to often when they weren't feeling up to going to good ol Johnny's. Their fans had gotten a hold of that one and it was hard to go there just to chill all the time I guess.

"So Zacky you up for some grinding tonight?" I asked playfully as I turned in my seat and grinned at him. His face looked surprised that I had suggested that but he soon recovered and grinned. Matt was glaring in the rear view mirror at Zack and Brian was looking a tad uncomfortable.

"You bet babe." Zack replied.

"Hey what about me?" Jimmy asked as he pouted around the head rest at me.

"Sure thing Jim. Nothing better than a threesome right?" Matt and Brian both nearly choked on air at my suggestion. Matt had to have known I was joking though. Brian on the other hand… well that was sort of a surprising reaction. Johnny had figured out by now that I was just being flirty but he was still watching the scene unfold with curiosity.

"Oh come on Matt. Lighten up. You guys brought me out to have fun. So that's what I'm going to do." I said as I rubbed his shoulders gently as he drove.

"I know I know." He grumbled as we pulled into a busy parking lot in front of a bar named the Sand Bar. How creative. There was a line out front but the guys didn’t seem bothered by it. Matt opened my door for me and helped me out.

"Just be careful with Zack alright?" He whispered quietly.

"Matt, I'm not into Zack. We're just friends."

"I know. I'm just warning you."

"Thanks Matt." I grinned as I gave him a hug. There was no way I'd ever be into Zack like that. I mean he's a fantastic friend to me but I couldn’t ever see myself dating him.

I draped arms with both Zacky and Jimmy and they led us ahead of the line to the front where we were greeted with the bouncer.

"Hey Jake. How's it goin' man?" Zack greeted him in a friendly way.

"Hey guys. Going good. I see you brought a friend tonight." He gestured to me kindly.

"Yeah this is my cousin Jade. Jade this is Jake." Matt explained.

"Nice to meet you." I smiled.

"You too babe. Hope these guys don't wear you out too much tonight." I chuckled but the guys just smirked. Jake removed the rope and motioned for us to go through. People in the line started grumbling and saying obscene things but Jake just told them to all shut up or they'd never get in. He definitely did the bouncer role well.

"Fuck yes. Our table's open." Jimmy said as he skipped over to the round booth dragging both Zacky and I behind him. The other three followed casually. I spotted Johnny eyeing some one over at the bar and I figured it had to have been the girl he was interested in. I followed Zack into the booth and ended up having Brian sitting on my other side. The other three were situated around us. Jimmy got up from the edge and practically ran to the bar to get the first round of drinks.

Johnny kept eyeing the bar nervously and as I looked over a spotted only one girl working behind it. I didn’t have a clear view of her and she became completely hidden from view as Jimmy came back, precariously balancing a tray of drinks in one of his hands. I decided to let the girl subject rest for now but I would ask Johnny about it later.

"The drinks have arrived!" Jimmy sung as he set the tray down and passed out drinks to everyone. I got landed with a Jack and Coke so I was pretty satisfied. I was never a huge drinker and probably would only settle for having a few tonight.

"So Jade how long are you and Riles staying with Matt for?" Jimmy asked conversationally as he took a drink of his beer.

"She's staying forever as far as I'm concerned." Matt chuckled just as I opened my mouth to speak. My eyes met his and I gave him a pointed look.

"I'm not staying with you forever Matt. Just until I find a place of my own." I stated in a firm voice. He just rolled his eyes and gave the guys a knowing look.

"Now why would you want to do that?" Zack questioned. "You've got a great cousin who's got the house to himself and is offering it to you for free! No rent included. That sounds like a fucking deal to me." He said as he placed an arm around my shoulders in a friendly manner.

"Yeah well I don't like to mooch off of people." I retorted.

"But you're not. He's family." Brian piped in.

"It doesn’t matter guys. I need to be able to support myself and Riley. I'm not going to live off of you Matt just because you're a rockstar and can provide for us. I don't want that." I sighed as I took a drink of my beverage.

"Why not?" Brian continued to press the matter.

"Because I just don’t. I like to show that I can do things on my own."

"Well you've done a great job of that so far. Perfect boyfriend you left up north eh? He drank all the time and wasn't fond of Riley. Good job Jade." I nearly dropped my drink on the table and turned to point my finger in Brian's face.

"Don't you dare go there Haner. Don't you even dare." I warned in a menacing tone. My glare was intense and Brian knew I meant business. He held his hands up defensively but I only backed off because Zacky had given my shoulder a gentle squeeze. I downed half of my drink in frustration and I was strongly fighting the urge to let Brian have it. I took a deep breath and closed my eyes to cool off. When I opened them I turned and saw Johnny was looking off in the distance at the bar again.

"So Johnny. Why don't you give me the details." I said playfully as I winked at him. His attention turned from the bar over to me his cheeks had a faint red blush to them.

"Well, her name's Kacie." He started.

"Hold up." Matt said as he held a hand up to stop Johnny from saying more. "Her name is Kacie. She's shorter than Johnny amazingly enough. She's twenty-three and has been working here for two years." Matt went on.

"She's an only child and has lived here her entire life. She loves the beach and can't imagine living away from it." Jimmy added.

"She's really laid back and has hazel eyes and Johnny loves her laugh." Zack said.

"Johnny has just about said and asked her everything except for asking her out because he's a pussy like that." Brian finished off leaving me with my mouth wide open in shock. I blinked a few times as I comprehended all they had told me.

"Have you really told them everything about her? Wow Johnny. You have got to go ask her out." I said as I shook my head in amazement.

"He only talks about her all the fucking time!" Jimmy whined as he waved a hand about the air. I sighed as I rubbed my face gently. Johnny was too shy to go ask her out. He could chat up a wall if he wanted to and obviously had no problems chatting with this Kacie girl. Just asking her out was the issue.

I think it was about time for me to be a good friend and intervene in the poor boy's love life. I finished off my drink and figured it would give me an excuse to go get another one and to talk to Kacie.

"Alright guys. Let me out and I'll go see what I can do for poor Johnny boy." Zacky removed his arm from my shoulder but nobody made a movement for me to get out. I huffed and realized that I would have to climb over Matt and Brian to get out the quickest way. Brian patted his thigh and smirked at me. I turned and rolled my eyes at Zacky who was snickering before I scooted over and up onto Brian's lap. His hands rested on my hips and held me there for a moment. As I moved sideways some more his grip tightened and he refused to let me over.

"Brian." I warned. He just grinned and looked at me innocently. Returning the grin I let it transform into a smirk as I ground my hips down into his lap. Within seconds I could feel his ever slight erection poking against my butt. He let out a grunt and I knew I had accomplished my goal.

"Fuck Jade. That wasn't very nice." He groaned as he released me and let me slide over to Matt's lap. The guys all let out a laugh while I just sent poor Brian a smirk coupled with a wink. Matt let me easily hop over him and I stood up straightening out my skirt.

"Alright boys well I'll be back shortly. Hopefully with a date for Johnny." I sent him a grin and turned to make my way over to the bar where the girl was standing. As I approached I noticed that the guys had been right on with their description of her. Her choppy layered hair framed her face perfectly and it made her black eyeliner rimmed hazel eyes stand out. What the guys had failed to mention was that she had a stud in the left side of her nose as well as her ears pierced a few times, one including a cartilage piercing.

"Hey there hun. What can I get for you tonight?" She asked as I sat down in front of her. Her smile radiated off of her face and it was easy to tell she was friendly.

"I think I'll have a Jack and Coke please babe." I replied as I folded my hands on the counter in front of me. She nodded and turned around to grab a new glass before filling it with the two liquids.

"So I noticed you came in with the Avenged boys." Her small statement made me smile because it was obvious she knew who they were and that would make it easier for me to ask about Johnny.

"Yeah. I just moved here not too long ago actually. Matt is my cousin." I explained.

"Oh really? That's awesome! So where did you move from?" She said as she placed my drink in front of me and leaned against the counter casually.

"San Francisco. Things weren't working out for me and my daughter up there. Huntington is like my second home and well, Matt's family is pretty much the only family I have left so here I am!" Her eyes widened when I mentioned that I had a daughter but I knew it wasn't in the shocked sort of way. It looked like she was actually excited.

"Oh my gosh! You have a daughter? How old is she? I love kids! Man I wish I had my own sometimes." She said all in one breathe. I chuckled at her enthusiasm and was glad for once someone I had just met wasn't judging me.

"She's three. She's the joy of my life and the guys are all good with her." She let out a sigh and propped up her elbow on the bar before resting her head on her hand which was now tangled in her hair.

"That's so awesome. They all seem like great guys. I've really only talked to Matt and Johnny a few times." At the mention of Johnny her eyes sort of glazed over and I knew this was going to be easier than I thought.

"I'm Jade by the way. I guess it would be helpful if you knew my name and not just as Matt's cousin." I chuckled as I realized that technically we didn’t know eachother's names at all.

"Oh! Yeah I guess that would be helpful. I'm Kacie." I nodded and we both grinned at one another before her attention shifted to something over my shoulder. I felt a hand reach out and rest on my arm. The person sat down beside me and it turned out to be Johnny. He was grinning sheepishly and rubbed the back of his neck as he looked up at Kacie.

"Hey Kace." He greeted quietly.

"Hi Johnny." She returned with a nod of her head.

"Umm I got voted to get the next round. Can I get ten various shots please?" He flashed her a flirty smile which made her blush. She nodded and turned away grabbing a tray. I watched as she fumbled with the shot glasses and then I decided to give Johnny a knowing look. His eyes however were trained elsewhere and so I felt the need to pinch his arm to distract them from her backside. My glare made him give a nervous chuckle and I followed it up with a warning look.

When Kacie turned back Johnny gave her a grin as she handed him the tray with the shots all neatly lined up on it. He mumbled a thanks and hurriedly stood up with the tray before shuffling back over to the guys.

"So…" I started as I gave Kacie an anxious facial expression. She blushed and hid her face in her hands. "It seems like you my dear, have a thing for Mr. Johnny Christ." I teased gently.

"Is it that obvious?" She asked in a pained voice. Her hands came down and she folded her arms on the bar before she flopped her head down on top of them with a groan.

"It sure is. Don't be embarrassed though! I think you'd be cute with him." I insisted making her groan again.

"Everyone says that." She mumbled. My eyebrow rose. So obviously there were other people out there who had noticed the chemistry between these two as well. "My co-workers tell me that all the time." She said through a mouthful of her arm.

"Well then it must be true. So, what time do you get off tonight?" I asked curiously. She raised her head and looked at the clock over on the far wall. Her expression brightened as she stood up straight.

"Ten minutes! Wow this shift has gone by fast. Usually they drag by and are filled with annoying drunk guys trying to hit on me." She grimaced and shook her arms for the extra creepy emphasis.

"Well in that case, when you get off why don't you come over and join us?" She looked thoughtful for a moment before nodding her head and smiling at me.

"I'd love that." She said quietly. I'll be over in a few minutes then."

"Alright sounds good. And I'll try and get you a seat next to Johnny." I winked as I stood up and made my way back over to the guys. She was thinking about protesting but I had already gone.

As I approached the table Johnny was giving me a hopeful look. I slid my drink across the table and climbed back over Matt and Brian, who didn’t give me any trouble this time.

"She's going to join us in about ten minutes when her shift is over." I grinned and relaxed back into Zack as he placed his arm around my shoulder for the second time tonight.

"Damn short shit. You're lucky she's here." Jimmy laughed as he threw back one of the shots.

"I know. Thanks Jade." Johnny said. I nodded my head once and gave him a wink. I watched Kacie from afar and grinned as I saw her glance at the clock before she bee lined out from behind the bar and disappeared into the back room once the ten minutes were up. I waved at her as she pushed through the crowd on the floor.

"Hi guys." She waved slightly. I slid closer to Brian and pulled Zack with me so that Jimmy could slide over and then Johnny. I winked at her as she sat down beside him.

"Guys this is Kacie. Kacie, well you know the guys obviously." She laughed and nodded.

"It's awesome of you to join us after all this time. I feel like I've always known you, just from afar." Jimmy really didn’t make much sense in the way he worded his phrase but I think we all got what he meant. I for one was glad to not have been the only girl.

"It's nice to be able to as well." She said. "So Jade are you and Zack dating?" She asked in reference to the fact that his arm was around me. We both began laughing and Zacky shook his head.

"We're just friends." I said. The guys all chuckled except for Brian who had let out a big sigh that I happened to miss.

The volume of the music had suddenly increased and I looked to see more people were coming out onto the dancing area. "Umm would you like to go dance with me?" Johnny asked Kacie over the noise. She blushed but nodded and stood up. I gave Johnny props for finally asking. He seized the perfect opportunity and I was happy he did so.

"Alright boys. I'm going to follow their lead." I shoved Zacky and Jimmy both out of the booth and made my way onto the floor. The rest of the guys followed suit and soon I found myself pressed between Zack and Jimmy on the floor to the fast paced beats of the song. Zack's hands were on my hips and his head was right beside mine. Jimmy started going a bit crazy and Zack had obviously had enough to the point where he steered me skillfully away from the crazy drummer who was now dancing with some blonde girl.

I spotted Johnny and Kacie a few feet from us and I grinned at Kacie from over Johnny's shoulder. She just blushed and looked down. They were going to be quite the cute couple. I could tell.

I felt Zacky's hands release me but soon they were back. I reached up behind me to grip the back of his neck but as I moved it to his hair I noticed that there was more hair than should have been on Zack's head. Glancing down I saw that Zacky's tattoos had been replaced with Brian's and I immediately tensed. Not even five minutes ago Brian had been seen with some girl pressed up against the wall as he attacked her neck.

"What happened to your slut?" I growled as he pulled my hips back into his.

"Her boyfriend came back out of the bathroom." I scoffed and narrowed my eyes. That was so like Brian.

"Typical." I muttered as I struggled to get away but his iron tight grip wasn't letting me go anywhere.

"You know, that wasn't very nice of you earlier." I turned around at his statement and wrapped my arms around his neck causing him to smirk.

"Well who ever said I was a nice person?" I asked back. My breath caught in my throat as he pushed his pelvis into mine and I could feel his clear agitation through his jeans and my skirt.

"I always thought you were a tame girl. Especially being a mother." He grunted.

"Tame yes. Always nice? Nope. Never said that. And being a mother has nothing to do with that. I'm allowed to let loose every now and then too you know." I explained as I grinded into him to the beat of the song. I saw Zacky off to the side with a different girl and he gave me a wink before turning his attention back to her.

"I do have to admit, Riley is something else." I chuckled lightly knowing he was right. She was actually a lot like me but apparently Brian didn’t make that association. "Not to mention she seems to like me." He boasted with a cocky edge.

"Now that is a mystery to me." He glared at me and gripped my hips a bit harder. I winced and Brian took notice because he loosened his grip.

"I'm not all that bad you know."

"Maybe. But I have yet to see that. I think you'll always be the player you've always been." His eyes rolled in their sockets.

"Well I'm sorry if you're the relationship type and I'm not."

"But how would you know that Brian? All you do is fucking fuck girls and then leave them! You're such a douchebag!" I yelled at him above the music.

"Oh and you leaving Mike was any better?" He retorted.

"Yeah! It was! Mike was an alcoholic who was borderline abusive!" I pushed him in the chest and turned away from him. "And for your information, I never fucked him the entire time we were dating. That's not what a relationship is about Brian. You need to grow the fuck up!" I stormed over to Matt and told him I was going outside for a breather. I think almost everyone had witnessed the spectacle and I just needed a break. He nodded and gave me a hug before letting me go so he could return to his dancing partner.

I saw Kacie out of the corner of my eye. She had said something to Johnny who nodded and was now following me toward the door.

"Jade wait!" She called. I continued outside and only stopped once we were both out there. "Are you alright?" She asked.

"Fine. Brian and I just don't get along too well sometimes. We have a difference of opinion on several things." I chuckled. "It's nothing to worry about." I added.

"Alright. If you say so. Well things with Johnny are going alright. Thank you for bringing me in." Her smile was genuine and I knew I now had another girl as part of the group and something told me she was going to love Riley.

"You're welcome hun. He needed it trust me." She nodded and giggled lightly making me smile. She was too cute.

"Well I'm going to go in and see him again." I nodded and waved as she went back inside.

My back pressed against the cool wall as I let out a sigh. It seemed like nothing was going smoothly anymore. It didn't in San Fran and it wasn't here. Right about now all I wanted to do was go home and snuggle with my baby girl. I needed my comfort and she was it.

Well, thanks Brian for ruining yet another night of my life with your stupid mouth. Way to go.