Attention, Attention.

I woke up curled up right where I'd fallen asleep, presumably within the first fifteen minutes of Return Of The Jedi, the night before. I rubbed my eyes and looked around-- ever woken up somewhere and forgotten where you were?

Mike was asleep next to me and his arm was protectively resting across my shoulders. I carefully moved him off of me, rising to my feet and staring down on the awkward scene. I washed my face and brushed my teeth quickly, hoping he wouldn't wake, and slipped into something warm along the way. I gathered my belongings and stepped to the door before I glanced back again; he was still lying there, sleeping or at least pretending to, buried beneath a huge fleece black blanket with an elegant forest fairy design. I smiled in spite of myself and left on my own. He was still my best friend and I still cared about him deeply... isn't that all that matters? What worked best was that I was free of him-- single and free to be with Will! A small part of myself scolded me for hurting Mike...because I knew exactly what I was doing... and I'd stepped all over whoever was in my way of getting what I wanted. I hadn't even thought of how he might have really felt when I said Will's name instead of his. He must have felt crushed and worthless...like he wasn't worth remembering or even knowing at all. I bet he wished he'd never talked to me at all. I bet he wished he hadn't gone so out of his way to show me support and be so nice to me. Maybe it was selfish, maybe it was stingy and cold and downright mean, but come on. Who cares? I thought, starting my car and rolling my eyes. It was better than lying to Mike and pretending I was in love with him when I was really in love with someone else, wasn't it? What did I do wrong? Nothing. All I did was come clean to my best friend.
"Hell, I should be rewarded!" I whispered to no one but myself as I flicked through radio stations. I didn't do anything wrong, I thought, So why do I feel so guilty?
"BEEEEEcause you left him lying there on the floor, honey!!!" The radio blared. I slammed the brakes and sat frozen, alone except for the thin wisps of visible air escaping from the A/C as the car desperately began to warm up. "That's right, Jen. Your dog wouldn't have gone into convulsions if you had taken him to proper medical care instead of leaving him there puking like that." A sobbing woman could be heard mumbling nonsense through the speakers.
"I dint'... I didn't have no money to be takin' care o' no medical bills! What do I do now?" The woman shrieked. I breathed in relief. Amazing what things can sound like when you're on edge, especially when you're feeling guilty (there's that word again) about something...or someone.
"Listen up, lady," the man on the radio declared in a matter-of-fact tone. "Nobody likes a downer. Cheer up, I'm trying to help you out here and you're acting like I'm the bloody spawn of--"
I switched the radio off.

I turned the corner to arrive at Will's house. I was going to tell him about everything that had happened-- how I'd broken up with Mike and how we could be together now...that is, if his feelings for me were sincere. I abruptly slowed my car down several yards away from his house. I could see him on his porch...but who was that he was with? I held my breath and bit my lip, leaning so far over the steering wheel my nose was barely kissing the ice cold windshield. He was laughing, and she laughed with him... they both sat so close together, bundled up and cozy-looking despite the chilly weather. He flashed that familiar smile at her and lifted a steaming mug to his lips. She watched him and giggled-- damn, she was familiar! I didn't recognize her without her--

...pink apron.

She lifted her own mug to her mouth with bandaged hands. Will's mug disappeared from sight and he lost his smile. He said something to her and her own smile faded as well before she slowly lowered her coffee to the table hidden from view. Will raised his hand to her face and softly traced it with his fingers-- she closed her eyes and breathed deeply, clumsily grasping his wrist with the white bandages that trapped her hideously ruined hand. I didn't need to see any more. I slowly backed the car up the street and into an empty parking lot, my mind on autopilot.

So this was karma's way of kicking me in the ass, huh? What goes around comes around? Play up your friend and get your throat cut by the mob, was that the game? How could he have done this to me, that decieving son of a... no, no, don't think that way, you don't even know what you saw...

I solemnly decided I would go back home, wake Mike, and tell him I wasn't thinking clearly the night before. It isn't very nice to forget names, I imagined myself apologizing, but its okay now because I'm pretty sure that you're Mike. Not Will, not Paige either. Mike. I got it. Don't worry, be happy.

I'd get back together with someone who really cared about me enough to...

My shoulders shuddered and my eyes grew hot.

And it wasn't because of the cold.