A Kiss And I Will Surrender.

Frank P.O.V
Gerard’s lips crashed into mine, his tongue forced my mouth open. My heart went crazy.

The crowd erupted into one huge collective scream of approval. No one had expected that. No one had expected Gerard to just walk across the stage and plant a huge kiss on me.

No one expected that. Especially not me.

I gasped when Gerard pulled away. My whole body was on fire, my chest was heaving. My chest was heaving the same way it heaved when a girl would get me off. And yet this was Gerard, my best friend, getting me off. I thought that was majorly fucked up. I was so confused, but I just kept strumming my guitar frantically, lost for anything else to do.

That was the first time Gerard kissed me. It was also the moment I realised I was bisexual.

That night I got off the stage a changed man. I was in shock. I didn’t know what to do. What can you do when you have a crush on your guy best friend, when you’re supposed to be straight!? I skipped the dressing room, headed straight for the van, threw my crap in the back seat. The heater wasn’t working when I turned the key in the ignition. That fucking heater never worked.

I bundled into the back seat and drew my knees up under my chin, catching my hands around them. I was shaking. Partly from the cold, partly in shock.

I had suddenly felt something for Gerard. That something was disturbing me. The fact that I hadn’t wanted him to stop kissing me, that my whole body had gone on fire just by his kissing me. My head was reeling. I had a crush on Gerard. A crush. I may only have just been out of my teens, but I knew I was to old for crushes. If this wasn’t a crush, then what the hell was it?

“Frank? What the fuck?” I heard Gerard say.

I jolted in my seat, to see him leaning across the drivers’, looking at me with a raised eyebrow. My cheeks suddenly got hot, as I felt butterflies culminate in my stomach.

“Oh! Uh… Sup Gee?” I stammered, becoming very interested in the floor in the hope that he wouldn’t notice the lovely shade of scarlet I’d turned.

“Whaddya mean ‘sup?’, Iero.” he laughed. “Where the hell have you been?”

“Uh… Here?”

“Why?” He looked at me suspiciously before hopping into the next seat. He was two seats in front, I could deal with that. As long as he didn’t get any closer.

“Not feelin’ the best.” I mumbled. That wasn’t really a lie, more a bending of the truth. As if I was actually going to tell him what was wrong!

“Why?” he asked, looking like he might move closer. I prayed that he wouldn’t.

“Think I’m coming down with something…” I lied.

“Is this because of what happened out there?” he asked a little tentatively.

Oh hell no, I was not letting him know that I had a crush on him! “That? Oh no, that wasn’t… Just for the fans… Didn’t… Uh…” The words I wanted weren’t coming out. I wanted to lie and tell him that it had just been a bit of entertainment for the fans, but my mouth was not letting me.

“Look, Frank” He moved back to the next seat. “I really am sorry if I crossed the line, I mean, I just got caught up in the moment, I don’t even know why I kissed you!”

I smiled in spite of myself. “Did you see the way the kids went nuts?”

He smiled back. It was breathtaking, as always, I’d just never noticed it before then. It shocked me a little.

“I did. It was totally crazy! Brian said we should do it more often!” he laughed.

“Uh… Gee?” I said quietly, looking at my hands. “Do you think it’ll happen again?” I didn’t know why I’d asked that. Maybe in the hope that the answer would be yes.

“Only if it doesn’t bother you.” Gerard replied, shifting back into the seat in front of me.

I wanted to kiss him. I wanted to grab him and never let him go, but I held myself back.
“It doesn’t bother me. And it gets a good reaction from the fans.” I said, trying to sound as normal as possible about the situation.

“Are you sure it doesn’t bother you?”

“Positive.” I lied.

“So if I kissed you now it wouldn’t bother you?” Gerard’s voice sounded unusually seductive.
I shook my head as an answer.

Gerard kneeled up on the back of his seat to face me, came nose to nose with me. My heart felt like it was going to explode and break my ribs in the process. My hands gripped hard around my knees, my whole body tensed up.

Gerard’s lips were suddenly on mine, his fingers threading their way through my hair. My hands found their way around to the back of his neck, sliding down the inside of his shirt. I was in heaven.

Then he pulled away.

“Didn’t bother you?” he asked a little flustered.

“No…” I gasped.

That was the first and last time Gerard kissed me off stage.

Now it was four years later. Gerard and I had almost completely stopped our onstage antics out of respect for our wives. Yes, I did marry a girl while completely in love with Gerard. It was a bad decision on my part, but he had gotten married, so I knew I’d never have a chance. I saw the way he looked at her, it made me sick in the pit of my stomach. It made me want to confess how much I loved him, because I hated her, just for having him.

The band were on a much needed break after months of steady touring. I was playing happy families with my wife, the others doing likewise. Happy families may have been an exaggeration on my part, my marriage was falling to pieces. Being apart from Gerard was making me feel awful. All I’d do was mope at home, drink, try and fall out of love with him by telling myself he’d never feel anything for me, he was straight, that was that.

But I couldn’t. I couldn’t resist him. I was totally in love with him and it was driving me insane.

It was summer, and I was sitting in my back yard, plucking my acoustic with a can of beer on the decking. Okay, maybe it was more like five cans.

I heard the phone ring in the house. My wife was away for the week, so I knew I’d have to answer it.

Lazily, I got up and slouched into the kitchen, picked up the receiver.

“Frank?”
“Yeah, who’s this?” I asked.
The voice was panicky, sounded like the speaker was crying.
“Frank, it’s me, it’s Gerard.”
“Oh… Hey Gee. How’s things in L.A?”
“She left me Frankie. She threw me out…” I heard him break down on the other end of the line.
“Oh Jesus Gerard! I’m so sorry!” I actually was, in spite of myself. It just made me hate that woman even more.
“Yeah… Frank I don’t know what to do.”
“Where are you?” I asked, opening the drawer for my keys straight away.
“I’m getting a connection flight to Jersey from Texas. It’s the only way they could get me home at short notice.”
“Texas? What the fuck?”
“It was short notice.” The conversation went silent for a few seconds.
“Do you want me to pick you up at Newark Gee? You can crash here.” I said gently.
“Please Frankie. If you could.”
“Course I can dude. See you in a while.”
“Thanks, Frank.” he sniffed, before he hung up.

I felt awful for Gerard. He really had loved that girl. But maybe he’d rushed into marrying her. I didn’t think the marriage would last, but I never thought it’d end so soon.

I cleared out a spare room for Gerard, even though I knew he wouldn’t sleep. He’d be up all night reading and smoking.

At nine that night, I got into my car and drove to the airport for Gerard.

When I saw him, I didn’t recognise him. His usually immaculate hair was greasy and messy. His beautiful hazel eyes were bloodshot and red. He was dressed in a baggy black hoodie and jeans. He looked like a junkie.

He kept his head down as he walked to the car, slowly sat into the passenger seat and pressed his head against the glove box. He was shaking, I knew he was crying.

“Let it out Gee.” I said, resting my hand on his shoulder.