A Kiss And I Will Surrender.

Frank’s P.O.V
I kept thinking about what had happened between Gerard and I on the couch the night before. I hadn’t thought it through, I’d just wanted him. I’d used his confusion. I felt guilty.
While I was kissing him, I was having a total freak-out. What if this did nothing for him? What if he got too into it? Was I setting myself up for being found out?
I assumed he was totally repulsed. He’d awkwardly asked to go to the bathroom after I he pulled away from my kissing him. He tried to jerk away when I touched him. And when I asked if I’d clarified anything for him, he’d said “everything.” and looked like he was about the throw up. I’d completely blown it.
I was holed up in my room, kicking myself for being an idiot, when a soft knock echoed from my door. It just invoked more guilt.
“Gee?”
“Yeah… can I come in?”
“S’unlocked.” I replied, hurriedly flattening my bed hair.
Gerard walked in, wincing at the sunlight from my window. He looked distracted, fidgety.
“Everything okay?” I asked, rubbing the sleep from my eyes.
“Um…yeah… well not really. I wanted to apologise for last night. I should’ve told you to stop earlier. I don’t want things to get weird.” He said a little hesitantly.
Wait, why was he apologising, I was the one who’d nearly made him hurl…
“Um, why are you saying sorry?” I asked, bemused.
His eyebrows shot up, it was cute when he was confused. “Didn’t you notice last night?”
“Gee, you might as well be speaking Latin, cos I haven’t got a clue what you’re on about!” I laughed.
“The only reason I stopped you was cos I got a semi. I didn’t want it to get all… y’know.” he said to the floor.
I got it now, he didn’t want a hard on over me, because I was his best friend, and that would be way weird for him. Of course, I would have loved that, but I wasn’t going to let him know.
“Oh… That’s fine. But we used to do stuff like that on stage all the time so its okay.” I smiled. “So you’re definitely bi?”
He looked thoughtful. “Definitely. By the way, I’m going to see Mikey today, he’s back from his vacation. You coming?”
“Oh, sure!” I grinned. More so over the fact that Gerard had just admitted that he was bi.
For most of the day, we sat around on laptops looking for music to annoy each other with.
I came across one called ‘Fersure Maybe’ by The Medic Droid, and put it on full blast.
Gerard’s face squished up. It looked so funny.
“What the fuck?” he exclaimed.
“Kick off the Stilettos,
Kick off the Stilettos,
and fuck me in the back seat,
Fuck me in the back seat.” I sang along.
“No j.k j.k j.k, lololol,
I heart your fucking make up,
I love your fucking hair!”
“Oh God, turn it off!” shouted Gerard with a laugh. I thought it was a cool song, evidently he didn’t. It had annoyed him, my job was done. I stood up with a satisfied grin.
“C’mon, we’re going to see Mikes!”
Gerard grinned and grabbed my keys. “I’m driving.”
Dammit.
Mikey was at his mom’s house. I was looking forward to seeing him and Alicia. I hadn’t seen them in quite a while. Since maybe May, and it was now July.
Gerard was driving faster than usual. He and Mikey had fought on the phone the week before, but it was all good between them, and the fight between Gerard and I was basically forgotten.
We rocked up to Gerard’s mom’s house at five. We were staying for dinner. I hadn’t been to the Ways’ for dinner since I was nineteen, and I hadn’t seen Donna in months. She always found it difficult to recognise me, maybe because I changed my hair so much. On top of that, today I had swamped myself in Gerard’s too-big Offspring hoodie.
Mikey answered the door. It took Gerard about two seconds to jump on him in a huge hug that sent the two of them floorward.
I laughed as Mikey tried to wriggle from underneath Gerard.
“Nuh-uh, little brother, where’s my kiss?” sniggered Gerard, not allowing Mikey to stand.
“Aw, Gee, not in front of Frank!” pleaded Mikey.
“Tough tit!” smirked Gerard, before planting a big kiss on Mikey’s cheek.
Alicia stood against the door frame laughing. She had a pretty good tan, so did Mikey.
Gerard’s mom called a halt to the fooling around. Gerard was such a mummy’s boy, it was hilarious to watch. He kissed her on the cheek and helped her plate up. I was going to tease him later for being a suck up.
Donna had been kind enough to make me a veggie stir-fry. I tucked in straight away. She was such a good cook.
Talk turned to Mikey and Alicia’s holiday.
“How was Maui?” asked Gerard.
“I loved it.” smiled Alicia. “Mikey thought it was too hot.”
“Yeah, I got really sunburned.” he shrugged.
“Have you been abroad lately with your wife, Frank?” asked Donna.
I visibly winced. “We just split up.”
“Oh… I’m terribly sorry to hear that.” sighed Donna.
Mikey looked gob smacked. He looked at Gerard, raised an eyebrow. Gerard shook his head. I hated when they communicated like that. Alicia looked at Mikey quizzically. ‘Later.’ he mouthed.
“It was for the best.” I sighed into my glass of water.
“Are you finding it hard dear?” asked Donna, touching my arm.
“Nah. Just a little. But Gerard’s really helping me through it.” I smiled.
Mikey choked on his water. What the Hell was up his ass?
“And Gerard...” began Donna.
“Don’t start Mom!” he groaned.
She frowned and went back to her pasta.
We left at eight, Gerard wanted to catch a football game. That was a lie-Gerard hated football.
I decided to let him have his space.
Just before we left, I’d heard him arguing with Mikey in his old bedroom, and I assumed that’s why he wanted to leave. I looked back on what I’d heard.
“Gee, it’s not healthy! You’re just exposing yourself to getting hurt.”
“And what if it’s the same for him?”
“You’ve changed your tune!”
“Things have been happening… I’m thinking it could be possible.”
“Things? Did you fuck?”
“No! But…Uh…It’s kinda hard to explain what happened.”
“Elaborate…”
“I cant‘!”
“Gerard, don’t get hurt. Just leave it. I know it hurts, but leave it.”
“I can’t Mikey. I think… I think I love him…”
Mikey groaned. “Like you loved all those girls.”
A glass smashed.
“Mikey, that wasn’t fair.”
“It is fair! You say you love people, when it’s just lust! And its no different now. You want him, just because you cant have him, and if you did have him, you’d drop him like every girl you’ve ever dumped.”
At that point Gerard walked out and told me we were going. I didn’t argue.
But that conversation just didn’t make sense. Why would Gerard be in love with a guy?
Sudden realisation hit me like a tonne of bricks. Gerard had only crushed on one guy. That guy he had to be crushing on now. That was the reason his wife had left him. And Mikey knew who it was.
How hadn’t I noticed it before?