Brave New World

Carsten

I started to play the piano again. I taught myself one day when I was out of work, now I play when I feel empty, helps me feel whole again.

Kiro came up to me and started banging his tail against my legs.

“What is it boy?” I asked as he whimpered, then a bunch of yelling. I had no idea who decided to show up at our door, but man did it get Sebastian angry. I don’t think I’ve seen or heard him this angry before.

“D, what’s going on out there?” I asked him as he looked at me, then he walked away.

“Dorian, I need to talk to you so get back here” I called as he walked back into the room.

“I know what I did to you is wrong and there is no exception for it, but I’m sorry. I haven’t been myself” I started as tears came to my eyes and I wanted to punch something.

“I know you probably won’t forgive me” I started again.

“My biological mother is in the other room,” he said as he walked away.

“Dorian, wait!” I called as he came back a second time. “Do you want to get to know her?” I asked. I couldn’t stop him if he did and neither could Sebastian.

“I don’t know, dad’s making a big deal about it,” he said as I nodded.

“If you ever want to, you have my permission. Don’t listen to your father, you should” I said as he nodded.

“Uh, thanks” he said as he left the room for good.

I got up since the yelling was over I got to the front hall and they started yelling some more. She left and he turned around. I didn’t know what to say to him so I didn’t say anything. Instead I went upstairs. I closed our bedroom door and played our wedding song. I got a suitcase from the closet and I started throwing clothes into it as I cried.

I knew I shouldn’t be doing this, but I was doing this. I was leaving for the better of my family. I don’t know where I’ll go, but I do know I need help. I tried to kill my son- kill him! I needed to leave for the safety of Dorian, for the sanity of Sebastian and to get over Julia.

I was able to get over Courtney; I should be able to get over my daughter. I thought as I cried. I grabbed a box with things from my past in it. The one thing that I would hope always remained was the dog tag that Courtney had given to me. I fell to the floor and I cried. I figured it’d only be a matter of time before Sebastian came into the room, but he never did, so I wept.

Why me? I would ask myself. Why do I have to suffer, maybe she was just a stepping stone to get to Sebastian, or maybe she was my soul mate and everything that has happened wasn’t supposed to happen. Maybe when that car hit me, maybe then I was supposed to die to be with her. I could never be sure, but if I was supposed to end up here, I don’t feel like I belong. I thought as I slipped the dog tag around my neck and I put our wedding song on again as I finished packing.

No one disturbed me as I packed, which was odd. I opened the door and I walked around upstairs, it was empty. I walked downstairs and it was empty as well. They wouldn’t be in the basement because no one goes down there. I went back upstairs and grabbed my suitcase and headed downstairs.

I got so close and the Sebastian came home with Dorian and Kiro. I kept walking to see if they would ignore me. Dorian did, even Kiro did. It was Sebastian.

“Carsten” he called as I turned around. “What are you doing?”

“Nothing” I called back as I got to the car in the garage.

“Uhm, that looks like something” he said following me.

“I have some things to do”

“Need help?” Yes. I thought, but not in the help he could give me.

“No” I said as I put the suitcase in the back seat.

“What’s in the suitcase?” He asked.

“Nothing, ok?” I yelled.

“Then why can’t you tell me where you’re going?”

“I’m going to get help damn it!” I yelled as I got into the car.

“What? When will you be back?”

“I’m not coming back,” I said as he went for the car door, but I locked them.

“Carsten, don’t. You can’t. Get help and come home” he pleaded as he kept trying to open the door.

“I can’t”

“Can’t what? Come back?” he asked frantically. I nodded. “Why not?”

“I tried to kill my son,” I said as I drove off, leaving him in tears in the drive way, his hands over his head.

It was for the best.