When You Cry Cause It Hurts Doesn't Mean Your Not Heard, Cause Aloud In Heaven The Angels Cry With You

okay so I updated twice today so read the previous chapter before this one.

Esther’s P.O.V.

I’m in bed, thinking. Thinking about Frank, Gerard and John. I couldn’t stop thinking about what it would be like to be with Gerard. I just can’t. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. And I think about Frank. He’s so sweet and so nice and smart and cute. And I know this is a bit stupid to say but amazing in bed. He just cares for me a lot. He kisses me with so much passion, and longing, like he knows there’s something pulling me back. I love him, I really do, and it’s just…

I still have feelings for John…and Gerard…and Frank obviously. Whenever I’m with Frank or make love to him I feel like half of the time, part of my heart is still with John. And I don’t want I to be. I so don’t. I don’t want Frank to just settle with part of my heart. I want him to have a lot of. But how can I give it to him with all my thinking about John? How? And Gerard. I honestly think part of me still wants him. Yes still wants him. I mean he was the first one who consoled me when I broke up with John. And John…he-I-I always thought he loved me. He would always touch me gently, like he was afraid to break me. He always kissed me with such passion and love. Or what I considered to be love. I mean he was my first boyfriend.

I just can’t take it. Annnnnnnnnnnnnnd my dad yells at me for nothing. I’ve got all this stress and no way to let it go. And I don’t mean ‘physical activity’ cause that already happened today. It’s like my freaking heart is split in 3. I can’t keep doing this to Frank. I’ll never forgive myself if I hurt him. I just can’t.

I didn’t even realize that I was crying until I tasted the salty liquid on my lips. I wiped my face and got up. I’ve got to do it. I have to end it. There’s no way I can do this to him. He’s too a good guy. He deserves someone who can give him all of their heart. I walked into the living room. He was watching fuse. He noticed my tear stained face and he looked worried.

“Honey what’s wrong?” I just continued sobbing.

“I-I…” I paused. “I have t-to tell y-you something F-Frank.” He shut off the TV and sat me down on the couch. He swept some of my hair behind my ear and wiped some tears off my face.

“I-I-I-I can’t d-do this an-anymore Frank.” He looked at me questioningly. I drew a shaky breath.

“Do what?”

“This. Us. I can’t anymore. I can’t do this to you.”

“Do what honey?” I collapsed, tears poring down freely. I poured my heart into my hands. I couldn’t take this anymore.

“I’m sorry Frank but I can’t be with you.” He eyes filled with tears.

“W-what?”

“I can’t stand hurting you anymore. I can’t just give you part of my heart. I can’t.”

“Wh-what are y-you talking about? Are you cheating on me?”

“What?! No it’s nothing like that.”

“Then what did I do? Just tell me please. We can fix this. Please.” Tears began pouring down his face.

“You deserve someone better Frank.”

“I don’t understand. I thought you loved me.”

“I do.”

“Then why are you leaving me?” I remained at a loss of what to say.

“Please Frank. I can’t. Please. Just let me go.”

“N-n-no. please, I need you. Please don’t leave me. Tell me what I did wrong please”

“Oh honey, you did nothing wrong. This is all about me.”

“B-but. Please I love you.” I broke down again at the sound of those 3 words.

“No. You can’t. Please you can’t be in love with me. How can you love someone that hurt you?” how could I just say that? That’s like me asking myself the very same question.

“No. Please.” He was pleading badly. “Please honey lets just work on this. Please” he voice lowered to a whisper. I covered my mouth with my hand to avoid sobbing. I shook my head and let the tears fall. He looked heartbroken. His face broke.

“I-I’m just going to grab a few things and I’ll be outta hear. I’ll be back in a few days to pick up the rest. Please Frank, just forget me. You don’t deserve someone as bad as me.” He sobbed loudly and shook his head.

“I will never forget you. You’re the most important thing to me. And now you’re gone. And I can’t bring you back.” He whimpered.

“I will always love you Frank.”

“Then stay with me. Don’t go. Don’t do this to me. Please.” He pleaded. I shook my head.

“You deserve someone who can give you all of their heart. Not a broken, and shattered one.” I walked slowly upstairs tears pouring heavily down my cheeks. I just grabbed a few things and stuffed them in a bag. I walked back downstairs to find Frank looking empty. I walked to the door and he stood up.

“Please. Please don’t go. Please.” I turned around to look at his fragile face. I was itching to accept but somehow, I couldn’t. I shook my head slightly; more tears leaking down from my broken eyes. He looked like he was about to die. I turned to go but he grabbed my hand. He quickly kissed me. It was so soft and loving and caring. I wish I had stayed with him, but I knew I couldn’t. I didn’t want to pull away but had to.

“I’m so sorry. I love you.” And with that I walked out of the door, and closing it gently. I could hear the strained sobbing coming from inside and felt tears pour down my face again. I let out a sob and covered my face with my hands. I knew I just made a very bad mistake. I walked away, and didn’t look back. I can’t believe I just ended the best thing that’s ever happened to me. I walked to the end of the sidewalk and crumpled into a ball. This time I let my sobs be heard, and fell asleep on the rock hard ground.

I’m melting in your eyes.

[a/n: you so hate me don’t you? Well comment. Too fucking bad. Comment or I’ll do something worse. I might end it hear or make myself go through more torture and yeah. Wow I feel like shit. Okay. Comments PLEASE?]