Without a Sound

When Adam came back down the stairs with his pajamas on, he sat down in Mikey’s lap. Mikey looked surprised, pleased, and troubled. Adam became more talkative. Maybe it was because he was getting used to me. Until about six a.m., we had innocent conversation with him.

“Time for the children to go to bed,” Celia declared at last, looking meaningfully at Adam.

He puffed out his chest and retorted, “I’m a big boy.”

Gerard smirked. “That’s right, you are. But you’re still a kid.”

“How come Charlotte doesn’t have to go to bed?” he demanded indignantly.

Celia laughed. “Sweetie, I know Charlotte is small, but she’s an adult. Stop stalling and please go to bed,” she ordered patiently.

Adam looked stubborn for a few more seconds. Then his eyes lit up and he turned to his dad. “Daddy?” he inquired sweetly. “Will you tell me a bedtime story?” He seemed to be holding his breath.

Gerard sight, but then he gave in. “All right.”

Adam squealed in delight, scrambled off of Mikey’s lap, and jumped into his father’s waiting arms. Gerard grunted, but didn’t complain otherwise.

He looked down at his son with adoration written all over his face. This house was full of all different kinds of love. The very air I breathed was thick with it. I tasted it on my tongue. There was so much all around me that it was overwhelmingly painful.

As Gerard carried his little son up the stairs, I snuck a glance at Mikey out of the corner of my eye. Did he feel it too? Yes. I saw it in his eyes when they met mine. Perhaps this atmosphere of love hurt him far more than it hurt me.

I moved closer to him instinctively, wanting to make him feel better. When I looked back at Celia, she seemed to be observing us thoughtfully. She looked like she was thinking very hard.

Mikey presses his arm against mine casually. “Are you tired, Charlotte?” he asked, concerned.

I shook my head even though I was.

He exchanged a look with Celia before saying, “We’ll leave after Gerard comes back down. But before we go, can I ask you a favor, Celia?”

“Maybe,” she replied reasonably. “It depends.”

“If it’s okay with Charlotte,” he said, glancing at me, “could you take her shopping sometime? She really doesn’t have anything. I’ll pay for her, of course.”

“I’d love to,” Celia said excitedly, smiling widely. “Well, if you want me to,” she added, looking at me.

“Of course I do,” I assured them both, not knowing why either of them would think otherwise.

“Great,” Celia said. “How about tomorrow?”

I opened my mouth to accept, but Mikey was already shaking his head. “No, tomorrow I’m going to show Charlotte how to hunt. We might need the whole day.”

Celia nodded. “Okay. How about the day after?”

Mikey nodded. “That’s fine. Is it okay with you?” he asked me.

I nodded. That was when Gerard came down the stairs, a slight smile plastered on is face. “Sorry,” he apologized to us. “He goes to sleep so much faster if we just tell him a story like he demands.”

“I know,” Mikey replied, an unexpected smile playing on his lips. It was impossible to tell when he was going to frown or when he was going to smile. I met Celia’s gaze, and she seemed to be thinking the same thing.

“Well, we should probably get going…” Mikey said, eyeing the clock.

“Oh, yeah, of course,” Celia agreed. “You look tired, Charlotte.”

“I’m really okay –” I started, but Gerard interrupted.

“Thanks for coming,” he said warmly. To Mikey, he added, “We’re glad you’re… doing alright. It’s nice to see you again after so long. Will you come back soon?”

“Probably,” he allowed, sighing. What was that all about? What did he mean by “after do long?” Why hadn’t they seen him? I let it go for then, but I was going to ask him about it later.

“Thanks again,” I said gratefully as Mikey and I got up. He held my elbow to help support me, even though I probably would’ve been okay on my own. Maybe not, though. My feet felt sorer than they had a few hours before.

“You’re welcome again,” Celia replied, rolling her eyes. “I’ll see you the day – well, night – after tomorrow.”

I managed to nod at her before we were walking towards the front door. Mikey saw my involuntary winces every time I took a step and looked very unhappy.

As soon as we were out the door, he put his arm around me so that he could carry more of my weight. While we got into the car, my keen sense of hearing picked up the rustle of Gerard’s clothing as he leaned closer to Celia and asked brightly, “So how’re things looking, darling?”

“Very good,” she replied, laughing. “Surprisingly good.”

“We’ll have to see how it goes from here.”

Mikey saw me raise my eyebrows and cock my head to the side. “What is it?” he asked.

“Can you hear them talking?” I asked curiously, deflecting his question.

“No. You can? What did they say?”

“Nothing important,” I replied, but really I was wondering what they had been talking about. Maybe this heightened sense of hearing would be useful some day.

I changed the subject. “What did Gerard mean when he said something about not seeing you in a long time?”

Mikey carefully avoided my eyes while he turned on the car and started driving, saying, “Well, until I found you, I hadn’t gone to see them for months.”

“Why not?” I couldn’t imagine a reason he would stay away from his family like that.

He gave a small, half laugh. “Didn’t you feel it, Charlotte? The happiness. It was too much for me to be around that. It was torturous, and I couldn’t put myself through that. It’s still hard.”

“Then why did you go back at all?” I asked, but I wasn’t going to tell him how all that love hurt me, too.

“I had to. I needed their help, their advice. I’m glad I did. They had been worried about me.”

We didn’t say one more word until we were getting out of the car. “I’m carrying you in,” he announced forcefully, and I didn’t argue. I wanted him to carry me for more reasons than that I was tired and my feet hurt.

He hovered over me after he set me in my bed, deliberation. I knew what he was thinking. Would he kiss my cheek or nose while I was definitely awake? Apparently he settled for the top of my head. Brushing my hair with his lips, he murmured, “Good night. I’ll wake you up when we’ve got to get ready to go.”

“Alright. Goodnight.” I fell asleep before I remembered seeing him walk out the door.