Without a Sound

“Hey Celia, it’s Mikey,” he said into the phone. The concept of phones was not all that new to me. It was the style of these phones that shocked me. The little black phone he held was small and, even more outrageously, didn’t have any cords.

I wasn’t sure if it was my bionic ears or if the phone’s volume was turned up, but I heard Celia’s short answer. “What’s up? How are you?”

“I’m good,” he replied, looking at me. “Charlotte wanted to call you. She said you told her to call you?”

There was a short pause, during which I’m sure Celia was either confused or wondering why I was calling so soon. She recovered quickly, saying smoothly, “Oh, yeah. I didn’t expect you to call so early, but that’s alright. Put her on the phone.”

Mikey made a face at her demand, but he obeyed and handed me the phone. I held it carefully to my ear. I knew I had to be more careful with my words than anything though. First I needed her to know that Mikey could probably hear everything she said.

“Good morning… or evening. I’m never sure anymore.” I admitted. “I overheard you tell Mikey it was early. Did you just wake up?”

I could hear the understanding in her voice when she said, “No, I’ve been awake for a little bit. How are you?”

I hesitated to answer, trying to word it right. “I’m… I’m okay. What about you?”

“I’m doing great!” she exclaimed. “Gerard went out with Adam, so I’m totally free.”

I grinned. She was making this really easy. I replied in surprise, “Really? Didn’t you mention something about going somewhere?” I thought Mikey narrowed his eyes at my vague statement, but maybe it was just me.

“Oh yeah, I sort of remember. Did I ask you if you wanted to go get coffee just you and me or if you wanted us all to go out to dinner?”

“Coffee,” was my blunt answer.

“Ah. Well, would you like me to pick you up so we can do that?” she inquired.

I eyed Mikey, sort of asking him if it was okay. He rolled his eyes at me. “I’m not your parent,” he told me softly. “You can go where you want whenever you want.”

I nodded at him and said to Celia,” That sounds perfect. I guess goodbye, then?”

“Bye. See you soon.”

Her voice was gone. I handed the phone to Mikey, who closed it dejectedly. I hated to put it so simply, but he just looked sad. I put my hand on his shoulder. “You’re okay with this, right?”

“Of course. I already told you – you can do whatever you want.”

I frowned. I could do whatever I wanted but, he didn’t want me to do it. I did feel bad about leaving him alone again, but this would only be fore a little bit. “Will you be alright here alone?” I asked.

“I’ve been alright here alone for years,” he answered bitterly.

“You’ve been here alone for years. You haven’t been alright,” I corrected, feeling even guiltier.

“I’ll be fine,” he assured me, forcing a smile.

I didn’t believe him, but I needed to talk to Celia. I felt torn. How could there be something I couldn’t tell Mikey? I didn’t want to keep secrets from him. I didn’t want to feel like I was lying or hiding something. I wanted to tell him everything, but I couldn’t.

The worst part was that he knew I was hiding something from him, and I thought he was hiding something from me, too. I wasn’t sure if I even wanted to know what it was.

“Do you want grilled cheese?” Mikey asked dully, looking at the kitchen instead of at me.

I shrugged. “Sure, why not,” I replied just as monotonously. I didn’t like how this was going at all.

I waited patiently at the table while Mikey made the grilled cheese. It smelled good, and I thanked him when he set the sandwich on the table in front of me. He just nodded. I noted that there was no grilled cheese in front of him, but I didn’t feel it was the right time to confront him about it.

We pretty much sat there for a while. When we felt Celia’s presence, he shifted his weight. “She’s coming,” he murmured, just in case I didn’t notice. Or maybe just because he didn’t want it to be true.

Finally, he looked up at me and our eyes met. He looked tired and a little scared. That frightened me.

“I’ll be back before you know I’m gone,” I told him, trying to make him smile.

It didn’t work. Instead, he said darkly, “I doubt that.” We both got up and walked to the door. Celia was almost here.

He was going to let me go without saying goodbye. I wasn’t going to let that happen. I didn’t care that Celia would know our every move. I was going to tell her everything anyways.

So I gave him a hug and kissed his cheek. He looked surprised and froze at first, but then he hugged me back before I left. I ran through the rain and into Celia’s car.

“What’s up?” she asked instantly, sounding tense, worried, and curious.

“Not now,” I told her stiffly under my breath.

She bit her lip. “Why not, Charlotte?”

“Let me think!” I exclaimed irritably, feeling like a time bomb ready to go off.

She sighed, but she didn’t say another word. She kept stealing glances at me. All I could do was sit still with my eyes closed and concentrate on the blood in Mikey’s veins.

When that split second came when I could no longer sense his blood anymore. Celia looked at me expectantly.

I groaned in frustration, took a deep breath, and blurted, “Celia, what if Mikey doesn’t love me back?”