The College Stalker

‘I open my eyes
I try to see but I’m blinded by the white light
I can’t remember how
I can’t remember why
I’m lying here tonight

And I can’t stand the pain
and I can’t make it go away
No I can’t stand the pain.’

I began to avoid my stalker ever since Sheila suggested he might have feelings for me. When I did try to contradict her, she made a face. Roshni seconded her views by reminding me –
“He was your stalker, remember? And Aria, people stalk you because they LIKE you.”
“Does this ‘like’ always have to be for love?” I mumbled. “Why can’t it be friendship?”
“That’s the way of the world, honey.” Preeti soothed me.
She was the mother for us all. She understood better than the others in what a fragile state of mind I was. If anyone tried anything funny – I wouldn’t be able to cope with it. She hugged me to assure me not a single boy would be allowed to prowl near me.
“I feel really messed up today,” I said, breaking away from Preeti. “I should really go and see RK ma’am.”
My friends were used to my frequent visits to the counselor. They said nothing to stop me. On the contrary, they wished me a good session and to come back to class, bright-eyed and happy.

‘How could this happen to me
I made my mistakes
I’ve got no where to run
The night goes on
As I’m fading away
I’m sick of this life
I just wanna scream
How could this happen to me’

I slipped into the bathroom again. The blade – my forsaken friend – was once again in my hands. Things were beginning to get out of hand. The old pain in my chest was rising steadily.
In order to numb that, I needed to feel the real pain in my wrist. Two slashes were enough to make me forget the trauma for the present. I put back my blade carefully.
The sadist face was back – looming up at me from the mirror. The bitch was back and would cut me everywhere possible, I guess.
I headed out of the ladies’ toilet and had a head on collision with my stalker.
“Hello,” he said, politely.
I couldn’t speak.
Seeing him, I realized I had broken a promise I had made to him long time ago. I had told him I wouldn’t cut myself anymore. I was parallelized with horror.
“Hey,” I returned albeit half-heartedly.
“Is something wrong?” he asked.
I shook my head. I couldn’t look at him – I was so consumed with guilt.
“Want to talk?”
“Not yet.”
I looked at him, silently pleading him to read my eyes. He could do it better than anyone else in my life.
I hoped against hope that he would see the series of confusion and doubts running through them. And I hoped he would understand the question that had been haunting me for so long. The question which made me avoid him.
Abhra looked shocked at first. But before he could answer, I rushed away. I wasn’t prepared to hear the answer. Not yet, not yet…