The College Stalker

‘Do you ever feel like breaking down?
Do you ever feel out of place?
Like somehow you just don’t belong,
And no one understands you?
Do you ever wanna run away?
Do you lock yourself in your room?
With the radio on turned up so loud
That no one hears you screaming

No you don't know what it's like
When nothing feels all right
You don't know what it's like
To be like me’

Yawn.
Yawn. Yawn.
Yawn.
No amount of stifling the yawns, would force to me hear what the Professor was saying. I was tired after a long night of fighting with my boyfriend again.
Emphasis on the word again is required because we’ve been fighting ever since the third month of our relationship.
My friend, Sheila nudged me.
“Prof’s watching you, honey.” She whispered to me.
I shook my head obstinately. I don’t wanna know what trouble I would get into. Fighting with Akash seemed bad enough. I couldn’t deal with any other problems just yet.
“Did you fight with Akash again?” she asked.
Notice the emphasis on again? Yeah, even my college friends are aware of the fact I am stuck in my fairy tale version of a happily never after. My misery was probably the commonest knowledge of everyone here.
I cast a look around the whole class. Everyone was listening with rapt attention to the Prof. what was she saying that was so interesting, anyway?
I tried to listen.
“Now, I was wondering if one of you could go to the Departmental Library and find the book entitled…” she was dictating.
Great! Even more work to be done. I had my notes piling up in my file. I couldn’t study them, mark them or do anything whatsoever with them. All thanks to the bullshit relation I was trying my best to work out.
I noted down the reference book names, wondering how in the world I would ever get myself to cope with all the work I had to complete for this semester.
“You never answered my question!” Sheila scolded when the class was over, bringing an end to the morning classes.
We were standing in front of the ledge, debating whether to settle ourselves atop it or not. For those of you who don’t know what a ledge is – it is kind a portico in the verandah. The balconies of our building were built in such a manner people could sit atop it – there was place enough. The Ledge of Comparative Literature in Jadavpur University was by far the best. Of course, the other department thought likewise. You know how people are in college, right?
Coming back my conversation with my friend –
“What was it?” I asked, absently checking my phone for messages. None had come. So I was expected to say sorry to him now, was I?
Anger was beginning to well up in my chest.
“Did you fight with Akash?”
I laughed in a hollow sort of way, “What makes you think otherwise?”
Sheila shook her head.
“Why the Hell can’t you get rid of him?”
“Cause he’s too clever for me.”
Well, it was true. The moment I felt Akash, he would go around selling my secrets to the world. He was capable of being that mean.
Roshni came out of the classroom with Preeti just then. One look at my face told her I had messed up.
“Don’t sit her brooding, dear” she said to me in a kind voice. “Come with me to have some food.”
I shook my head.
“I have some score to settle.”
Then completely ignoring my friends frantic calls to me, I dialed Akash’s number. The three girls had no choice but to watch me scream my lungs out at the stupid man in my life…the fight lasted for half an hour. After which I broke down in tears.

‘To feel hurt,
To feel lost, to be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you’re down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like
Welcome to my life’