Poker Face

I stopped at the red light and reflected on what I was doing. What was I doing?

I should turn around and go home. The light turned green and I made a right so I could head home.

…But his best friend just died.

I should at least make an appearance, right? I sighed and switched lanes so I could make a left at the next light and get back on track to the Mellon Arena. But he wouldn’t want to see me. I mean, he hates me, right? I sighed again and was about to switch lanes again to go on home when my cell phone rang.

“Hello?” I greeted.

“Hey,” my best friend, Callie, replied.

“What’s up?”

“You’re going to the Press Conference, right?” She asked me.

“Uh…I haven’t exactly decided yet,” I admitted.

“Jaime, it’s like, well now. How do you not know? Are you at home?” She questioned.

“No, I’m in my car,” I answered.

“Where are you headed?” She pestered.

“See, that’s the thing. I’m back and forth between going to the arena or just going back home. You have no idea how many detours I’ve taken every time I change my mind,” I told her. She laughed lightly. “Why did you want to know if I was going?”

“I was going to ask for a ride,” she explained.

“Where’s Jordan?” Jordan Staal was my other best friend, her boyfriend and a teammate of the man I was dreading facing.

“He hasn’t left Kris’ side,” she said. I flinched upon hearing Kris’ name. “He’s been at the arena all day.” Leave it to Jordan to be a good friend and unknowingly force me to go to this thing. Okay, so I wasn’t being forced. I was pretty much using this as an excuse to why I showed up if things got sour between Kris and I. And knowing us, things would get sour.

And actually, if I really wanted to make the “I was forced” argument, I could claim Sidney made me come. Technically he didn’t require it, but Sidney would kill me if I didn’t show up. He was my cousin, but we were so close we just told people we were siblings.

“I don’t need a ride back, just there. I’m going to meet up with Jordan there and he’ll drive home,” Callie continued, snapping me out of my thoughts.

“Um…okay I’ll come get you,” I told her.

“Oh, no Jaime, you don’t have to,” she offered.

“No it’s fine,” I assured. “I’ll see you in a bit.”

“Okay. Honk when you get here and I’ll meet you outside.” We hung up soon after that. I became even more nervous now, knowing that I couldn’t turn back. I eventually made it to Callie’s and she was outside before I could even honk.

“Hey,” I greeted.

“Hey…what took you so long?” She asked, settling in her seat. “Were you already almost there when you turned around?” I shook my head as I started driving to the arena again.

“No…I’m just trying to stall as long as possible,” I confessed.

“Why?” She inquired. I gave her a pointed stare. “Oh come on, his best friend just died. Do you really think he’s going to be an ass?” I gave her another pointed stare. “Okay, so he’ll probably still be an ass. But I know he’ll be glad that you came.”

“Right,” I said sarcastically. Kris and I were…complicated. It was kind of a love/hate relationship. You know, I loved him and he hated me. No, that’s not it. Actually, it was kind of like a…hate/Let’s have hot angry sex relationship. Needless to say, we didn’t particularly like each other very much. I know, I know. I just said I love him, right? Well not quite. Love is a really strong word, but I wouldn’t say I liked him, either. Actually, he annoyed the fuck out of me. See, I hated him because he was mean to me, and he hated me because I was me. Get it? He actually disliked me as a human, whereas I only disliked him because he made his dislike for me obvious.

AKA he was mean.

So since I wasn’t quite in love with him but I didn’t like him either, I settled for caring about him. I blamed it on being a woman since women get emotional and attached after having sex with a guy, but I’m just kidding myself with that excuse. I’m one of the least girly girls I know. I literally think like a guy. Sports, beer, dirty jokes, stuffing my face, belching, swearing, the whole nine yards. I think that’s why I had so many guy friends, because I basically had a man mentality.

Anyways, back to me and Kris. Somewhere along the lines I had developed some kind of nice feelings towards him, but to him I was still just a fuck-buddy. And not even that, since technically we weren’t even friends. He treated me like shit, and I’m not exactly sure why I put up with it and let myself be some booty call. I know that’s all I am, he told me so himself. I’m also not exactly sure how I let myself get in this situation. All I know is one day, we were having one of our usual arguments, and then bam! Kissing.

***Flashback***
We all sat around the TV at Kris’ house watching a movie. Halfway through I felt my eye-lids go heavy and I fell asleep. When I woke up, the movie was over and I was alone in the living room. I heard bustling about in the kitchen, so I went to see what it was. I was met with the sight of Kris, cleaning up.

“Hey,” I said softly, trying to be nice. He looked over his shoulder at me and continued cleaning up. “Need help?” He threw a rag towards me and motioned to the kitchen table.

“Wipe it down,” he ordered simply. I held back a remark and started wiping the table.

“Where’d everyone go?” I asked.

“They left,” he said, like it was obvious.

“They just…left?” I questioned, bewildered.

“Did I stutter?” He bit back. I ignored his comment and ceased my work on the table.

“But Callie and Jordan were my ride home,” I told him. He just shrugged unsympathetically. “Can you take me home?”

“Hell no. It’s like two A.M. I’m tired as fuck. It’s not my fault you slept through the whole movie and your friends didn’t care enough to wake you,” he snapped.

“It’s not that she doesn’t care, she just probably forgot,” I muttered.

“Yeah, like that’s any better,” he remarked.

“Look, just please take me home?” I begged. He walked out of the kitchen, shaking his head.

“Nope. Not gonna happen,” he said. He walked upstairs toward his room.

“Well what am I supposed to do?” I demanded, following him into a hallway. He turned around swiftly and pointed back downstairs.

“I don’t care but I’m not driving you home and you’re not staying here. Go to a hotel or something.”

“My apartment is closer than any hotels around here. I might as well walk home!” I yelled.

“Be my guest,” he said, turning away again.

“Kris!” I called, grabbing his arm and turning him around. He glared at me viciously and immediately I forgot what I was going to say.

“What?” He growled.

“I have nowhere to go,” I murmured. I thought I saw his expression soften a bit but it was gone before I could really tell.

“Not my problem. Now get out,” he ordered, pushing me slightly towards the stairs. He walked away again.

“You’re a real fucking jerk, you know that?” I stated, causing him to turn back towards me.

“Excuse me?” He said dangerously, leaning in close to my face and narrowing his eyes.

“Did I stutter?” I mocked.

“Get out of my house. Now,” he demanded lowly, still close. I could feel the heat coming off of his body and suddenly noticed how attractive he was.

“No, I don’t think I will,” I sang innocently, brushing past him. “You’ve got a guest room here somewhere, right?” I frolicked down the hall opening all the doors that were shut and pretending to look inside. I heard him growl and before I knew it I felt him grab my arm and spin me to face him.

“Why must you push all my buttons?” He said with that sexy …er- weird accent, pulling me back towards the stairs roughly.

“Why must you be such a fucking barbaric pig?” I mimicked, pushing him off. I turned around but was once again caught by Kris. This time, he pushed me up against the wall of the hallway and pinned me there. His body pressed against mine made my heart flutter. His hot breath on my face wasn’t helping matters and I finally looked up at him only to see him staring straight back into my eyes. Suddenly he brought his lips closer to my face, brushing them along my cheeks, forehead, jaw and earlobes, sporadically placing soft kisses along the way.

“Why must you turn me on like none other?” He responded, simultaneously pressing his lips to my neck and his hips harder on to mine, as if to indicate just how turned on he was. My hands flew to his chest, but I didn’t push him off. Instead, I slipped my hands under his shirt and traced the muscles there. He groaned slightly. He kissed all along my neck and jaw and I let out a moan. That seemed to be the signal for him because no sooner did the noise escape my lips did he have his mouth on mine. His hands went along my body, stopping at my hips as we kissed. He tugged at my lower lip and I moaned again. That caused him to groan and lick my bottom lip, begging for entrance. I kept my lips shut to tease him though, and I heard him let out a frustrated growl. He gripped my hips tighter and suddenly I was lifted up as he guided my legs to wrap around him. He took my stunned reaction as the opportunity to slip his tongue into my mouth, and he pulled away from the wall. I knew he was walking somewhere but I was too caught up in him too care.

I heard a door close behind me and I noticed we were in his room. He sat down on his bed and I straddled him. He pulled away from my mouth but began kissing my neck instantly. I took this as an opportunity to breathe but also to think. What was I doing? Was this for real? This changes everything. This meant we wouldn’t be fighting any more and everything would get better…right? His fingertips brushed the skin under my shirt, bringing my attention back to him. He tore off my shirt after that, taking his off soon after. Was this going to really go that far? When he started unhooking my bra strap with one hand and unbuttoning my jeans with the other, I knew my question was answered.

“Jaime?” Callie sounded, jolting me from my thoughts.

“Hm?”

“Did you get a sympathy card?” She asked.

“Shit,” I muttered. I hadn’t, in fact, gotten a sympathy card. I heard Callie laugh.

“I figured you didn’t. You can sign mine. I didn’t seal it yet for this very reason,” she said. Ah, she knew me well.

“Thanks,” I replied sheepishly. My thoughts returned to that first night we had sex. Yes, it happened many times after that too. But that first morning after pretty much killed me inside.

***Flashback***
My eyes fluttered open and I saw that I was laying on Kris’ chest. His arm was around my waist and he was still sleeping. I felt a small smile appear on my lips as I looked up at him. He was gorgeous. He began to stir, and finally woke up a little after. He looked down at me and smile briefly before a new look washed over his face. Realization and…regret.

“Oh God,” he muttered, pulling his arm from around me. I looked at him confused. He sat up and pulled his boxers on. “What the Hell was I thinking?” Okay, that stung. He stood up and walked out, not saying another word to me. I sighed and got dressed, kicking myself for thinking this changed anything. He was still Kristopher Letang, King of the Assholes, and I was still Jaime Monroe, Queen of the Gullible Morons. I headed back downstairs and saw him in the kitchen drinking some orange juice.

“Hey,” I greeted, avoiding eye contact. “Do you think you can give me a ride home? I have my shift at the bar later and-”

“If I didn’t drive you home last night what makes you think I’m going to do it now? Besides, I think the ride I did give you last night as much better,” he said smugly. I stared at him for a few moments and when I saw no remorse, I left. Fuck him. Okay, bad choice of words. But still.

I remembered thinking that maybe he was just being mean again as a front for being scared, but then he would flaunt other girls in my face, definitely proving his point that he absolutely did not care about me. Our fighting got worse after that, but then so did the sexual tension. Every time we had a fight alone we would be making out the next second. If we fought in front of people he would give me ‘the look’ and we would excuse ourselves inconspicuously. Sometimes we would start fights with each other on purpose. And it would always end up the same. Me, leaving the next morning, or whenever I left, secretly brokenhearted. And he’d be with a new girl the next time I saw him.

I sighed as we pulled into the parking lot and I signed the card real quick, adding a ‘call if you need anything.’ We got out and made our way towards the door. We looked for my cousin, Sidney, but I couldn’t find him. I saw a few other people I knew…players and such. I glanced around for Kris but didn’t see him either. As I turned my head however, I saw Jordan and Sidney approaching us.

“Hey,” Jordan said, greeting Callie and I. He gave me a hug and Callie one as well, but he stayed clinging to Callie shortly after Sidney released her from his own hug. Sid came by me and hugged me too, and I could tell he was upset.

“How’s everything been going?” Callie asked.

“Alright I guess,” Jordan shrugged. “Kris isn’t doing so good, but that’s to be expected.” He looked up at me. “I’m surprised you’re here.” I saw Callie nudge him in the ribs.

“Uh…yeah. I’m surprised myself, actually. I didn’t know if…I wasn’t sure he’d want me here,” I said truthfully.

“Well, he’s just over there, if you wanted to say hi or something,” Sidney said, motioning to Kris. His back was to me, but everything about his body and posture screamed grief and fatigue. On top of all this stuff, he was in the middle of competing for the Stanley Cup for Christ’s sake.

“Uh…I don’t think so,” I shot down.

“Jaime, please? None of us can get through to him,” Sidney requested.

“And what makes you think I will?” I asked incredulously.

“Just go,” Sidney said, pushing me toward Kris. I made a face at him but turned around and headed in the direction I was shoved. I walked over to him and put my hand on his shoulder. He turned around and when he saw me, I could tell he was having an inner battle. He didn’t know whether to hug me or ignore me. He unsurprisingly chose the latter and I sighed.

“Sorry for your loss,” I said. I turned to walk away but he grabbed my hand lightly. He looked down as he faced me, holding my hand in his.

“Don’t go, okay?” He managed to choke out. He looked at me and I saw how red and swollen his eyes were. A few stray tears fell down his face and I nodded, brushing them away with my thumb. Someone called to him, and he stepped away from me. I went and took a seat behind the press to watch the conference, cursing myself for letting him have this effect on me.