Yellow
Yellow
“Look at the stars, look how they shine for you,” he sung softly, staring up at the darkness of night. The stars twinkled before him as they listened to him serenade his currently absent love. “And everything you do,” he breathed, trying to count all the stars he could see. The cold night air brushed against his cheek and he shivered slightly. “Yeah, they were all yellow.”
He thought of him. He frequented his mind often. But he was off somewhere, probably in his own home with his other mates, taking a well deserved rest. He was off being some lonely girl’s hero.
He hated his timing. Right when he and his own band release their long-awaited fourth album and began the Viva La Vida tour, his band decides to take some down time. He was back in New Jersey. And he was stuck here in London.
He bundled himself up in his scrapped-up jacket as another soft wind blew past him. “I came along, I wrote a song for you and all the things you do. And it was called yellow.”
In the beginning, it wasn’t really written for him. But when he finally did meet him that fateful day, it all changed. He realized that it was for him. It was all for him. Ironically enough, his hair was currently blond back then.
It was some odd twist of fate that they met. It was during the Twisted Logic tour for X&Y, when they traveled to Chicago for a concert. There was much clamor before they got there, about another band that had just performed and was still currently in the area. He saw many young, teenage girls scouting out for their sole target, and he just walked past them, letting them search for the wanted man.
He later found out that the same band was checked in at the same hotel he and his mates were. It happened when he passed him as he walked the hallway to the hotel bar.
There he was: a man of merely twenty-nine, hair bleached blond, emerald greens for eyes, in a black marching band uniform decorated with white buckles. He leaned nonchalantly against the wall as a cigarette hung from his lips.
He was taken aback at the young man’s beauty, and paused, questioning why his heart began to beat so fast. Afraid to be seen as strange to have stopped before the young man, he forced himself to continue on, passing his destination.
“Hey,” he heard, no far as two feet behind him.
He turned around, his heart beating almost to the point of bursting. “Yeah?”
“You’re that guy from Coldplay,” he smiled.
Dear god, not only does he have the appearance and voice of an angel, but his smile… his mind mused.
“Chris Martin, right?”
Chris gulped, mentally scolding himself for being so preoccupied in another man’s looks as he stared back blankly at the question. After a second or two, he cleared his throat and replied, “That I am. And may I inquire who you are?”
Jesus Christ, you’re lame. He mentally slapped himself once the words spilled out of his mouth.
The young man didn’t seem to mind, or notice, the unusual politeness of Chris’ question, and outstretched his hand.
“Name’s Gerard Way, nice to meet you.”
Christ cautiously glanced at his hand before taking it in his own and shaking it. He noticed the odd softness of Gerard’s hand and began to softly caress it, hoping that the man wouldn’t notice or mind as he did before. “The same goes for myself,” he replied, taking back his own hand. He rubbed his fingers against his palm, still able to feel his soft skin on his own.
“So you guys here for a concert, right?”
He nodded, finally starting to relax around him. “Yeah, we’ve been meaning to come up here for a while.”
This is a mistake, his subconscious warned. Chris loved the girls, but there was something about this…Gerard, that struck him. He wanted to be in his presence, he wanted to hold him in his arms as he sang softly to him. But he was confused. He couldn’t possibly cheat on Gwyneth. He was taught to be against this. But he couldn’t help it. This strange urge took over his body temporarily. Or perhaps, not so temporarily, he mused in the present. He needed him.
Gerard inhaled before taking the cigarette from his mouth to blow out a steady stream of smoke. He watched with curious eyes, the intricate patterns starting to take shape then slowly fade away before him. “Yeah, kinda the same thing for us. Bob’s been wanting to visit his roots for a while now.”
His pulse began to race again as a wave of discouragement washed over him. Surely, he couldn’t be jealous, right? I mean, he didn’t even know if Gerard was…
“A friend of yours?”
“Yeah, but a little bit more than that.”
Wanker, this was what I was talking about. This is what you get for having your hopes set up so high! His head began to scold him some more as he continued mentally slapping himself. “More than that?” he inquired softly.
“He’s my band mate,” Gerard responded, returning the cigarette to his lips.
The wave of discouragement was replaced with that of relief. He sighed and smiled inwardly to himself. His hope became restored, however little there was of it. “Oh, you’re in a band?”
“Yeah, My Chemical Romance. We just played at that stadium a few blocks away from here. Ever heard of us?” he asked, a slight hint of pride lacing his voice.
Honestly, Chris had never heard of them, but to keep from discouraging the man, he said he did. Gerard beamed at him, causing him to smile bashfully, despite his little white lie. He had taken the spot next to Gerard on the wall, feeling as calm as ever, and continued on with their conversation.
Thus started his first ever love for another man.
He continued staring off into the darkness of space, wondering really, how many stars are there up there? A question he’d never know the answer to. All he knew was that he would collect them all if he could, and give them to Gerard. He reached his hand out, twisting it, as if to call the stars to him. He slowly closed his hand again, holding his fist out before him. Chris looked it in interest, a small glimmer of hope pulsing through him; what if he really could catch a star for him? He opened his palm again before pulling it back and using it for leverage as he leaned against his car.
“So then I took my turn, oh what a thing to’ve done. And it was all yellow.”
The stars shone brighter than ever when Gerard was in his presence. They always stood outside, whether the rain or the cold beat against their shivering bodies, to witness the beauty of night. The moonlight always seemed to lighten Gerard’s skin, as if he really were an angel visiting Earth, gracing Chris with his presence. A brush of his hand to the face, and soon they would kiss before all the stars. It was a silent promise to all that were watching that they would love each other forever.
Chris sighed again, missing his skin on his own. Missing the warmth that was Gerard. “Your skin, oh yeah your skin and bones turn into something beautiful.” He shivered again, this time from the lyrics sung from his lips; his mind brought him back at all the memories, looking back at beautiful Gerard. He was no more than just a month younger than him, but he still retained this childlike innocence that just made him even more endearing.
The next lyrics came out as almost a whisper: “D’you know, you know I love you so. You know I love you so.”
The ringing of his cell phone broke him out of his serene state. He reached into his pocket to read the screen: G. Way. A smile came across his lips as he flipped open the phone and answered, “Hello?”
“Chris!” Gerard greeted on the other line. “Isn’t it late for you over there?”
“It’s not too late.”
“It’s one in the morning there, Chris, I know.”
Beaten, Chris laughed before sighing softly. “I know, I know. It’s only eight there, I believe, right?”
He grunted, more of an assuring noise than anything, before silence befell the both of them. “So what are you doing up so late at night?”
He looked back up at the sky, the stars now beginning to glimmer much brighter than they did before. “Just thought I’d drive out to that old hill I brought you to once. Come out and think. Sing without disturbing anyone.”
“Thinking about me?”
“Always,” smiled Chris. And as if he could see the look on his face, Gerard chuckled on the other line, replying, “You’re so cute.”
Another short silence. “What were you singing?”
“Yellow.”
He giggled, knowing how Chris would only sing that song about him now. “Well go on, keep singing then.”
Chris laughed as well, before continuing from where he left off. “I swam across, I jumped across for you. Oh what a thing to do, ‘cause you were all yellow.”
He could hear Gerard’s soft voice humming along as he sung. “I love your voice,” he mumbled once Chris finished the verse.
“Come sing with me, love,” he invited, a warm feeling rising up from his stomach when Gerard agreed. He started them off with the first word, and soon they sang together for each other.
“I drew a line, I drew a line for you. Oh what a thing to do, and it was all yellow.”
“I love your singing,” Chris commented as they finished the next verse. Gerard began to giggle, and his face lit up, loving the sound of his laughter. His whole body became warm now, against the brisk wind of outdoors. It didn’t matter. Gerard’s love was keeping his warm, despite his absence.
“Your skin, oh yeah your skin and bones turn into something beautiful. D’you know, for you I bleed myself dry. For you I bleed myself dry.”
Chris’ eyes shifted back up at the stars. There was one star out of the many, which shone brighter than all the others. He stared at it with curiosity, feeling like he could recognize that gleam. The more he stared, the more it seemed obvious, but he still couldn’t get it. Before long, he heard Gerard’s voice calling out to him on the other line. “Chris? You okay?”
The gleam. The gleam in his eye. He saw it now. It both calmed him and astonished him. That gleam made him believe he was never alone if they were ever separated from distance like that. Before long, the lyrics came back to him, as his eyes focused to gaze at all the stars at once.
“It’s true, look how they shine for you, look how they shine for you, look how they shine for…”
Gerard stayed quiet, listening to the amazing power in his soft voice. He shut his eyes, letting Chris’ song overpower his senses.
“Look how they shine for you, look how they shine for you, look how they shine…” he breathed, feeling a large weight being lifted upon his shoulders. “Look at the stars, look how they shine for you, and all the things that you do.”
He let out another breath before silence came over the both of them again. Chris sighed and leaned back against the car door. The song had replenished him somehow; it was like a breath of fresh air came and blew all his cares and worries away. He didn’t feel so alone anymore. The star before him twinkled and shined, a silent thank you from a love so far away.
“That was incredible, Chris,” Gerard finally spoke. Chris smiled to himself, slipping his free hand under his jacket over his heart. The soft murmur of his heartbeat warmed him. He loved the feeling.
“I love you.” It was a while since the two had spoken those words to each other, mainly because of Chris’ newly busy schedule, but the pure sincerity in it sent blood rushing into both of their faces. “And I miss you.”
Silence again. Chris thought it might have shocked him too much after so much time apart. “Gerard?”
“I…” He heard his voice crack at the single word. “I’m sorry, I just, it’s…” Gerard paused again, and Chris finally realized what happened. His words caused Gerard to cry. Feeling sympathy for the young man, he shushed him softly, coaxing him to dry his eyes. “There’s no need to cry, love.”
“I know. I love you too, Chris. And I miss you like a motherfucker.”
“That’s a lovely way to put it,” he joked. And the two of them laughed together like the two had never been separated. They both ended with a content sigh before Chris piped up again. “Well, I suppose I should head home. I’m finally getting tired.”
“Alright, I’ll let you go. I’ll see you later?”
“Yup. I’ll pay you a visit when we head back down to New York, okay?”
“I’ll be waiting.” He smiled happily before taking one last look at the sky. Then he got an idea.
“Hey, Gerard? Do me a favour and go outside. Look at the sky for me.”
“Alright,” replied the MCR front man, his footsteps barely audible on the phone. Before long, there was a click and creak of the door opening. “Okay, I’m looking up. Am I looking for something?”
“Look for the brightest star in the sky right now.”
“But there are so many,” Gerard breathed, pausing to search. After a little while, he finally spoke up, “Okay, I think I’ve found the brightest one out of my field of view. So?”
“So,” Chris began, feeling the butterflies fluttering in his stomach as he ran what he was about to say through his head. “Remember that star. Every night, whenever you miss me, just look for the brightest star. That’ll be me.”
“Oh, Chris…” Gerard started. “You know I’m gonna die of this sickly sweetness one day.”
“I’m sure you don’t mind.”
“You know I don’t.”
“Well,” he sighed, stretching out his back and free arm, “I really should get going.”
“I know. I’ll see you soon?”
“Mhm. Good night, love.”
“G’night.” And with that, he flipped his phone closed, holding it in the palm of his hand for a while before moving again. The wind blew past him, a soft, cold kiss from Mother Nature, nudging him to retreat back to his home. He slipped the cell phone back into his back pocket and began to let his mind flow free.
He shut his eyes and pictured Gerard’s smiling face before him, those hazel eyes shining in the light. He opened his eyes to be greeted by the not-so-many lights in the city below. He sighed, content, and returned his guitar to the back seat. He looked up at his shining star, muttered a soft “I love you” to it, and climbed into his car, making his way back home.
He thought of him. He frequented his mind often. But he was off somewhere, probably in his own home with his other mates, taking a well deserved rest. He was off being some lonely girl’s hero.
He hated his timing. Right when he and his own band release their long-awaited fourth album and began the Viva La Vida tour, his band decides to take some down time. He was back in New Jersey. And he was stuck here in London.
He bundled himself up in his scrapped-up jacket as another soft wind blew past him. “I came along, I wrote a song for you and all the things you do. And it was called yellow.”
In the beginning, it wasn’t really written for him. But when he finally did meet him that fateful day, it all changed. He realized that it was for him. It was all for him. Ironically enough, his hair was currently blond back then.
It was some odd twist of fate that they met. It was during the Twisted Logic tour for X&Y, when they traveled to Chicago for a concert. There was much clamor before they got there, about another band that had just performed and was still currently in the area. He saw many young, teenage girls scouting out for their sole target, and he just walked past them, letting them search for the wanted man.
He later found out that the same band was checked in at the same hotel he and his mates were. It happened when he passed him as he walked the hallway to the hotel bar.
There he was: a man of merely twenty-nine, hair bleached blond, emerald greens for eyes, in a black marching band uniform decorated with white buckles. He leaned nonchalantly against the wall as a cigarette hung from his lips.
He was taken aback at the young man’s beauty, and paused, questioning why his heart began to beat so fast. Afraid to be seen as strange to have stopped before the young man, he forced himself to continue on, passing his destination.
“Hey,” he heard, no far as two feet behind him.
He turned around, his heart beating almost to the point of bursting. “Yeah?”
“You’re that guy from Coldplay,” he smiled.
Dear god, not only does he have the appearance and voice of an angel, but his smile… his mind mused.
“Chris Martin, right?”
Chris gulped, mentally scolding himself for being so preoccupied in another man’s looks as he stared back blankly at the question. After a second or two, he cleared his throat and replied, “That I am. And may I inquire who you are?”
Jesus Christ, you’re lame. He mentally slapped himself once the words spilled out of his mouth.
The young man didn’t seem to mind, or notice, the unusual politeness of Chris’ question, and outstretched his hand.
“Name’s Gerard Way, nice to meet you.”
Christ cautiously glanced at his hand before taking it in his own and shaking it. He noticed the odd softness of Gerard’s hand and began to softly caress it, hoping that the man wouldn’t notice or mind as he did before. “The same goes for myself,” he replied, taking back his own hand. He rubbed his fingers against his palm, still able to feel his soft skin on his own.
“So you guys here for a concert, right?”
He nodded, finally starting to relax around him. “Yeah, we’ve been meaning to come up here for a while.”
This is a mistake, his subconscious warned. Chris loved the girls, but there was something about this…Gerard, that struck him. He wanted to be in his presence, he wanted to hold him in his arms as he sang softly to him. But he was confused. He couldn’t possibly cheat on Gwyneth. He was taught to be against this. But he couldn’t help it. This strange urge took over his body temporarily. Or perhaps, not so temporarily, he mused in the present. He needed him.
Gerard inhaled before taking the cigarette from his mouth to blow out a steady stream of smoke. He watched with curious eyes, the intricate patterns starting to take shape then slowly fade away before him. “Yeah, kinda the same thing for us. Bob’s been wanting to visit his roots for a while now.”
His pulse began to race again as a wave of discouragement washed over him. Surely, he couldn’t be jealous, right? I mean, he didn’t even know if Gerard was…
“A friend of yours?”
“Yeah, but a little bit more than that.”
Wanker, this was what I was talking about. This is what you get for having your hopes set up so high! His head began to scold him some more as he continued mentally slapping himself. “More than that?” he inquired softly.
“He’s my band mate,” Gerard responded, returning the cigarette to his lips.
The wave of discouragement was replaced with that of relief. He sighed and smiled inwardly to himself. His hope became restored, however little there was of it. “Oh, you’re in a band?”
“Yeah, My Chemical Romance. We just played at that stadium a few blocks away from here. Ever heard of us?” he asked, a slight hint of pride lacing his voice.
Honestly, Chris had never heard of them, but to keep from discouraging the man, he said he did. Gerard beamed at him, causing him to smile bashfully, despite his little white lie. He had taken the spot next to Gerard on the wall, feeling as calm as ever, and continued on with their conversation.
Thus started his first ever love for another man.
He continued staring off into the darkness of space, wondering really, how many stars are there up there? A question he’d never know the answer to. All he knew was that he would collect them all if he could, and give them to Gerard. He reached his hand out, twisting it, as if to call the stars to him. He slowly closed his hand again, holding his fist out before him. Chris looked it in interest, a small glimmer of hope pulsing through him; what if he really could catch a star for him? He opened his palm again before pulling it back and using it for leverage as he leaned against his car.
“So then I took my turn, oh what a thing to’ve done. And it was all yellow.”
The stars shone brighter than ever when Gerard was in his presence. They always stood outside, whether the rain or the cold beat against their shivering bodies, to witness the beauty of night. The moonlight always seemed to lighten Gerard’s skin, as if he really were an angel visiting Earth, gracing Chris with his presence. A brush of his hand to the face, and soon they would kiss before all the stars. It was a silent promise to all that were watching that they would love each other forever.
Chris sighed again, missing his skin on his own. Missing the warmth that was Gerard. “Your skin, oh yeah your skin and bones turn into something beautiful.” He shivered again, this time from the lyrics sung from his lips; his mind brought him back at all the memories, looking back at beautiful Gerard. He was no more than just a month younger than him, but he still retained this childlike innocence that just made him even more endearing.
The next lyrics came out as almost a whisper: “D’you know, you know I love you so. You know I love you so.”
The ringing of his cell phone broke him out of his serene state. He reached into his pocket to read the screen: G. Way. A smile came across his lips as he flipped open the phone and answered, “Hello?”
“Chris!” Gerard greeted on the other line. “Isn’t it late for you over there?”
“It’s not too late.”
“It’s one in the morning there, Chris, I know.”
Beaten, Chris laughed before sighing softly. “I know, I know. It’s only eight there, I believe, right?”
He grunted, more of an assuring noise than anything, before silence befell the both of them. “So what are you doing up so late at night?”
He looked back up at the sky, the stars now beginning to glimmer much brighter than they did before. “Just thought I’d drive out to that old hill I brought you to once. Come out and think. Sing without disturbing anyone.”
“Thinking about me?”
“Always,” smiled Chris. And as if he could see the look on his face, Gerard chuckled on the other line, replying, “You’re so cute.”
Another short silence. “What were you singing?”
“Yellow.”
He giggled, knowing how Chris would only sing that song about him now. “Well go on, keep singing then.”
Chris laughed as well, before continuing from where he left off. “I swam across, I jumped across for you. Oh what a thing to do, ‘cause you were all yellow.”
He could hear Gerard’s soft voice humming along as he sung. “I love your voice,” he mumbled once Chris finished the verse.
“Come sing with me, love,” he invited, a warm feeling rising up from his stomach when Gerard agreed. He started them off with the first word, and soon they sang together for each other.
“I drew a line, I drew a line for you. Oh what a thing to do, and it was all yellow.”
“I love your singing,” Chris commented as they finished the next verse. Gerard began to giggle, and his face lit up, loving the sound of his laughter. His whole body became warm now, against the brisk wind of outdoors. It didn’t matter. Gerard’s love was keeping his warm, despite his absence.
“Your skin, oh yeah your skin and bones turn into something beautiful. D’you know, for you I bleed myself dry. For you I bleed myself dry.”
Chris’ eyes shifted back up at the stars. There was one star out of the many, which shone brighter than all the others. He stared at it with curiosity, feeling like he could recognize that gleam. The more he stared, the more it seemed obvious, but he still couldn’t get it. Before long, he heard Gerard’s voice calling out to him on the other line. “Chris? You okay?”
The gleam. The gleam in his eye. He saw it now. It both calmed him and astonished him. That gleam made him believe he was never alone if they were ever separated from distance like that. Before long, the lyrics came back to him, as his eyes focused to gaze at all the stars at once.
“It’s true, look how they shine for you, look how they shine for you, look how they shine for…”
Gerard stayed quiet, listening to the amazing power in his soft voice. He shut his eyes, letting Chris’ song overpower his senses.
“Look how they shine for you, look how they shine for you, look how they shine…” he breathed, feeling a large weight being lifted upon his shoulders. “Look at the stars, look how they shine for you, and all the things that you do.”
He let out another breath before silence came over the both of them again. Chris sighed and leaned back against the car door. The song had replenished him somehow; it was like a breath of fresh air came and blew all his cares and worries away. He didn’t feel so alone anymore. The star before him twinkled and shined, a silent thank you from a love so far away.
“That was incredible, Chris,” Gerard finally spoke. Chris smiled to himself, slipping his free hand under his jacket over his heart. The soft murmur of his heartbeat warmed him. He loved the feeling.
“I love you.” It was a while since the two had spoken those words to each other, mainly because of Chris’ newly busy schedule, but the pure sincerity in it sent blood rushing into both of their faces. “And I miss you.”
Silence again. Chris thought it might have shocked him too much after so much time apart. “Gerard?”
“I…” He heard his voice crack at the single word. “I’m sorry, I just, it’s…” Gerard paused again, and Chris finally realized what happened. His words caused Gerard to cry. Feeling sympathy for the young man, he shushed him softly, coaxing him to dry his eyes. “There’s no need to cry, love.”
“I know. I love you too, Chris. And I miss you like a motherfucker.”
“That’s a lovely way to put it,” he joked. And the two of them laughed together like the two had never been separated. They both ended with a content sigh before Chris piped up again. “Well, I suppose I should head home. I’m finally getting tired.”
“Alright, I’ll let you go. I’ll see you later?”
“Yup. I’ll pay you a visit when we head back down to New York, okay?”
“I’ll be waiting.” He smiled happily before taking one last look at the sky. Then he got an idea.
“Hey, Gerard? Do me a favour and go outside. Look at the sky for me.”
“Alright,” replied the MCR front man, his footsteps barely audible on the phone. Before long, there was a click and creak of the door opening. “Okay, I’m looking up. Am I looking for something?”
“Look for the brightest star in the sky right now.”
“But there are so many,” Gerard breathed, pausing to search. After a little while, he finally spoke up, “Okay, I think I’ve found the brightest one out of my field of view. So?”
“So,” Chris began, feeling the butterflies fluttering in his stomach as he ran what he was about to say through his head. “Remember that star. Every night, whenever you miss me, just look for the brightest star. That’ll be me.”
“Oh, Chris…” Gerard started. “You know I’m gonna die of this sickly sweetness one day.”
“I’m sure you don’t mind.”
“You know I don’t.”
“Well,” he sighed, stretching out his back and free arm, “I really should get going.”
“I know. I’ll see you soon?”
“Mhm. Good night, love.”
“G’night.” And with that, he flipped his phone closed, holding it in the palm of his hand for a while before moving again. The wind blew past him, a soft, cold kiss from Mother Nature, nudging him to retreat back to his home. He slipped the cell phone back into his back pocket and began to let his mind flow free.
He shut his eyes and pictured Gerard’s smiling face before him, those hazel eyes shining in the light. He opened his eyes to be greeted by the not-so-many lights in the city below. He sighed, content, and returned his guitar to the back seat. He looked up at his shining star, muttered a soft “I love you” to it, and climbed into his car, making his way back home.