I Want to Scream 'I Love You'

“Okay,” I leaned down, wrapping my arm around Danielle’s shoulders, “which one of these guys would you like to kiss?” I held my hand out to the park we were at. Kids were running amuck, jumping, running, shoving, screaming. I’m glad I got a sane little sister.

She pushed my arm of her shoulder, “You’re crazy. I‘m not kissing anyone today. Especially no one here. Most of them are five years younger than me.”

“Alright, well,” I stood up and pondered what to do next. I had to get a picture of my best childhood moment for photography. My first kiss was the thing that came first to my mind, and was pretty much the only thing I really wanted to remember. “Do you have any ideas?”

“What about when you got me?” she said, beaming with a smile.

“Sure,” I snorted, “how exactly do you expect me to get a picture of that?”

She stuck her hands up and twirled around in a circle before stopping to face me. “Just take a picture of me,” she was still smiling. I guess photography class is much easier when you have a sister that’s naturally photogenic and loves it.

“I will,” I said, though I knew that wasn’t going to be what I handed in for this particular project, “but I think doing that at home would be much better.”

She pursed her lips and narrowed her eyes, as if she was trying to figure out if I was lying or not. I put my hands up in defense, “I promise, goodness Danielle.”

She smirked, then looked back over her shoulder. “Can I go swing?” she asked, turning her head back to me.

“Of course,” I said, then motioned to the bench behind me, “I’ll be back here.” She smiled then sprinted off to the swings, waving to a few people.

Finally, I pulled myself back to sit on the bench and unwrapped the camera that was dangling around my neck. I still had a week to turn in my childhood memory picture, which gave me about three days to figure out what it was going to be, and gave me slack for about four days to figure out how and where to take the picture.

After about an hour the sun started setting, so I called Danielle over and we started walking home.

“Did you have fun with your friends?” I asked on the walk. She looked up at me and smiled as if I had asked something completely silly.

“Of course,” she said, just as I’ve said it to her a million times. Most people that I’ve talked to sit there and just complain about their annoying, obnoxious little sisters. Mine, though, is absolutely amazing. There’s part of me that will never understand how I got lucky enough to have such a tolerable sister. She had her moments, no doubt, where she made me want to pull my hair out, but most of the time, she was just all-around perfect.

She didn’t used to be, though. When our mom still had custody of us, she was just a brat. She had the world in the palm of her hands, well, so she thought.

I guess after I had worked my ass off to get emancipated from our crappy foster parents, and worked even harder to get custody of her, she just shook off every bit of her that thought she was better than everyone else, and grew up. Which is why she’s everything to me.

We arrived at the apartment building we lived in. Danielle usually liked pushing in the code to open to door, but she just stood outside, staring at a tree.

“Danielle?” I asked. She quickly turned around, a huge smile plastered to her face.

“I have an idea,” she said. I nodded for her to go on. “You know how you always tell me how you used to climb the tree in our backyard just so you could have an excuse to call Dad and climb onto his shoulders?”

I smiled. Not only was she an awesome little sister, she was bright too.

“Okay, yeah, good idea,” I said, “can you climb the tree?” She nodded and skipped over to the tree, grabbing a hold on the first branch she could reach. She was also like me in the fact we were both pretty tall. After dangling for a moment she pulled herself up so she was standing on the branch. I jumped forward and grabbed onto the branch she was standing on to make sure it was stable. I moved it the slightest bit and glanced up at Danielle who had her eyebrows raised at me.

“I’m fine, Hayley,” she said.

“I know, I just, I-,” I stuttered. She just laughed and shook her head.

“Just take the picture,” she said.

“Okay,” I took a deep breath, “okay.”

I slowly took a few steps back and held my camera up, aiming it at the tree, but making sure Danielle’s visible in the top left hand corner. Carefully, she laid against the trunk of the tree and looked into the distance. She could be a model easily.

I snapped the photo and she quickly hopped down, running to the front door to type in the key into the pad. I quickly ran up to where she was as she opened and held the door for me.

I stepped in and nodded at her. “Thank you miss,” I said. She wiped her feet before nodding back to me.

“You’re very welcome miss,” she smiled then skipped up the stairs and to our apartment.

I followed behind, lacking the effort to run up stairs. When I reached the second floor, she was standing by our door with her arms folded and her foot tapping. I rolled my eyes with a smile and unlocked the door. She ran in before me, kicking her shoes off and sitting onto the couch.

“What do you want for dinner?” I asked, hanging my jacket on the coat rack.

“Umm,” she said, pondering, “macaroni and cheese.”

I shrugged, “Simple enough.”

I quickly made her dinner, then watched the Spongebob Squarepants Movie with her before it was her bedtime.

“Danielle, you know what time it is,” I said, standing up and stretching my arms into the air.

“Nooo,” she whined. I just smiled at her.

“Come on, kiddo,” I picked her up and started carrying her back to her bedroom.

“I’m in first grade, I don’t need carried, you know,” she said, squirming her way out of my arms.

“Yes, but, you weren’t so quick to jump up and get in bed,” I said, putting her down.

She brushed her teeth and pulled her pajamas on before climbing into bed.

“Goodnight,” I said, closing the door.

“Hayley,” she said, causing me to open the door back up. “Do you ever miss Dad?”

I sighed. “Yes, very much so.”

“What was he like?” she asked. I knew she was curious, and she was barely two years old when he died, so she didn’t ever get to truly meet him.

“Well,” I said, walking up to her bed, “he was very, very smart. He was tall, like us. And he cared for everyone. No matter who it was, he absolutely cared. He was the nicest, smartest, handsomest person you could ever meet.”

“I wish I could’ve met him better,” she said, looking at the clock, which told me it was thirty minutes past her bedtime.

“You would’ve loved him,” I said, leaning over and kissing her forehead. “But now, you need sleep, so close your eyes and just lay down, okay?”

“Aye, aye, skipper,” she said, giving me another toothy grin.

I laughed and left, leaving the hall light on for her. I finished some homework I had, brushed my teeth, and went to bed also.

***

Danielle’s hand wiggled in mine, I knew she was anxious, but I didn’t dare let go of her.

“Come on,” she said, attempting to pull her hand free. “I can walk without you holding on to me,” she yelled over the sound of streets of Chicago.

“Yes, but I’m not risking that,” I said pausing at the crosswalk. We were walking to the mall, and the sidewalks of Chicago are so crowded during this time, there’s no way I’d be able to find Danielle if she was lost, or, if worst came to worst, kidnapped.

“Please,” she whined, “it’s only two more blocks,” she wiggled more, “please.”

“Danielle, no,” I said, holding onto her hand tighter.

“Ow,” she said, finally pulling her hand free. I reached over to grab her, but she jumped back. “Race you!” she yelled before taking off into the ocean of people.

No, she didn’t. No she didn’t.

I quickly ran after her, shoving people to the side. I finally arrived at the mall where I was expecting her to be, but she wasn’t. She was gone. I searched everywhere and not once did I even see her.

“Danielle!” I yelled a few times. A few people glanced worriedly at me, but most just passed on by as if nothing happened.

I pushed through some more people, just trying to find her, but she was gone. “Danielle!” I yelled one last time, my eyes on the brink of spilling tears.

No reaction, nothing.

Crap. Oh crap.

I fell against the side of the building. She can’t be gone. I buried my face in my hands before feeling a tap on my shoulder.

My head shot up to find a short, sort-of-pudgy kid that I’m pretty sure went to my school. In fact, I think he was in a few of my classes.

“Hi, uh, I found someone,” he pointed down to the little brown-haired girl next to him, “does this lovely lady belong to you?” he asked.

“Danielle!” I yelled scooping her into a hug. Her little arms wrapped around my neck as I stood up.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t think I’d lose you,” she whispered a few times. I could feel her tears on the back of my neck.

The kid from school nodded before turning to walk away.

“Wait,” I said. He turned around, a slight smile on his face. “Thank you,” I said.

He nodded, “You’re Hayley Jones, right?”

“Yeah, I am,” I said, pulling one of my arms from around Danielle to shake his hand.

“Patrick Stump,” he said, pulling his hat off for a nanosecond before replacing it on his head..

“Thank you again,” I said, wrapping my arm back around Danielle to hug her tighter.

“No problem,” he said, “see you later.” He walked away as Danielle just continued to hug me.

“Don’t you ever dare do that again,” I said, still not ready to complete scold her yet. Or ever.

“I’m sorry,” she whimpered.