I Want to Scream 'I Love You'

“Claire, Hayley. Hayley, Claire.”

I waved across the table at Claire, as Patrick had just introduced us. She was pretty, no doubt. Golden, wavy hair that hung loosely around her shoulders, deep brown eyes, and a smile that could knock out any guy, any day. She was dainty; little hands, little feet, shorter than even Patrick.

Claire flashed her smile at me, the pit of my stomach somehow falling out. I wanted to like her, for Patrick’s sake, but every part of me despised her, even though that wasn’t fair to either of them.

“Don’t I have history with you?” she asked, leaning across the lunch table. Her nails clicked on the wood, they were perfectly done; rounded, painted a light pink that matched her skin perfectly. Subconsciously, I pulled my sleeves up and over my bitten and colorless ones.

“Yeah, I think.” I searched the cafeteria, waiting and hoping Noelle would appear any minute and save me.

“Looking for someone?” Patrick asked, waving a hand in front of my face.

Nodding, I pushed myself up a little, so I could over more people, “Yeah, Noelle. I have to ask her something…”

I jumped as a tray slammed down next to me. “I heard my name?” Noelle asked, taking a seat.

“God, was that necessary?”

She nodded, smiling cheekily at me. “Of course, scaring the shit out of you is too much fun.”

“That’s true,” Patrick agreed, pointing his fork at me with a mouthful of food. “Especially when it’s so easy.” I huffed, acting somewhat offended. Though, it felt good we were still friends, and that he had dropped the cautious act.

“Anyway, can you get Danielle after school today?” I asked, turning to Noelle.

“Yeah, sure. How much trouble did you get in?”

I shrugged, ignoring Patrick’s weird look he gave me. “Not very much, I talked to Mr. Drake, and, well, technically we’re supposed to get forty-eight hours to serve a detention, so he just told me to serve it tonight.” Mr. Drake was our principal, whom I was on good terms with. Long before I was even in high school, my dad and he used to be fishing buddies, in my dad’s terminology.

“You got detention?” Patrick asked, looking at me sideways.

“Did you totally miss that whole spiel Tuesday? When I walked in late?”

Claire, obviously bored, yawned, laying her head on Patrick’s shoulder. Patrick shifted and wrapped his arm around her. Glancing away, I felt like I was intruding their space, somehow.

“Yeah, but… didn’t he say you had to serve it that night?”

“I couldn’t,” I said quietly, pushing my food around on my plate. “I had to get Danielle. Noelle had to work, so she couldn’t get her.”

“You could’ve asked me, I would’ve gotten her, you know that,” he matched my softness, and with his free hand, he repositioned his hat.

I pursed my lips together into a tight smile. “I don’t think that would’ve worked so well.”

He let it go, deciding this wasn’t something he was going to pursue, and instead, took one last drink of his milk before tossing it into the trash.

“You don’t like her so much, do you?” Noelle asked, suddenly appearing by my locker after lunch. “That Claire girl, Patrick’s dating her, isn’t he?”

“Yeah,” I mumbled, keeping myself busy trying to find a book that didn’t exist.

“Huh, I always figured you guys would end up together.”

I searched harder for this book. Behind my backpack, in the top rack, under my gym clothes.

“She’s pretty though, and it really looks like she likes him,” she continued. “I’m sorta hoping they last awhile.”

I surrendered, slamming my locker door shut. “Yeah, sure. So, hey, I’ll see you after detention. We’ll just meet at my apartment.”

She gave me a thumbs up, “Sounds good. Have fun.”

***

“I don’t want to sweep. You can.”

“Yeah, well, I reallydon’t want to sweep,” I countered back lamely as I tried to get out of having to clean. “The floor’s not even that dirty.” To back up my statement, I leaned back against the wall and slid down until I was sitting on the ground.

Rebecca laughed, taking a seat next to me.

“Our shift ends in twenty minutes anyway; we’ll just let the next people do it,” she suggested.

I agreed as the door chimed as it was pushed open.

“Can you get that?” I asked, as she started to stand up. “I’m too comfy now.”

She stuck her tongue out at me. “You’re lazy.”

I laid my head against the fridge door as I heard Rebecca greet the customer. “Hi, welcome to the Coffee Café. What can I get you?”

The familiar laugh and voice made me jump up in a heartbeat. “Hold on… Slacking on the job, are we, Hayley?”

“Okay, never mind, I’ve got this one,” I told Rebecca. She nodded and walked off with a sly smile on her face. Ignoring her, I tuned back to Patrick and Claire, who was still looking over the menu behind me.

“So, what’re you guys up to?” I asked.

Patrick shrugged, “We were bored, and coffee sounded good, so we decided to drop by.”

“What’s something good here? I have no clue what to get,” Claire asked, leaning on the glass counter.

“My favorite is the mint chocolate chip cappuccino, or maybe…”

“That sounds fattening,” she mumbled under her breath. I gritted my teeth for a moment, before continuing.

“We can put low-fat milk in it and a sweetener, instead of sugar. About half the calories with the same taste.”

She nodded thoughtfully, still staring intently at the menu. “How many calories would that be exactly?”

“I’m not going to lie,” I smirked, “still a lot.”

She stood up straight, hooking her arm through Patrick’s. “I’ll take a green tea then.”

I forced a smile at her, “Good choice… Patrick?”

He chewed his bottom lip slowly, “Psh,” he scoffed jokingly, “I’ll take a medium mint chocolate chip cappuccino.”

Rebecca appeared, handing Claire her tea. I thanked her and she went back off to make Patrick’s cappuccino.

“Go sit, I’ll pay,” Patrick whispered to Claire. She nodded and thanked him, pecking his cheek before walking off to find a seat.

“That’ll be $3.89,” I told him, once she left. He pulled out and handed me a five-dollar bill.

I punched a few buttons on the cash register and the drawer slid open. “Keep the change,” Patrick said, giving me a less than subtle wink. I laughed, thanking him as Rebecca handed him his drink. He waved, before turning to go sit with Claire.

“Patrick…” Rebecca marveled, tapping her chin wistfully, “that name sounds familiar. Wasn’t he the one that dropped you off one day?”

I nodded, wiping off the counter.

“You like him, don’t you?” she asked, her voice hushed.

I shrugged nonchalantly, acting unfazed by her question. “He has a girlfriend,” I used as my excuse. She eyed me carefully and sighed at my reluctance.

“That has nothing to do with anything, does it now?”

I glanced over at Patrick and Claire. I assumed Patrick had just cracked some joke, considering she was smiling into her drink, trying not to laugh. And Patrick was happy, laughing too. Under the table, their fingers were intertwined. Patrick and Claire, that even has a nice sound to it.

If he was happy, what right do I have to want to break that?

I picked up the broom, and started towards one side of the café, “I’ll sweep.”